I am so glad May is over because tomorrow begins my birthday month. June is going to be fun: swim lessons, VBS, and we are going to Tampa for my birthday (to see the aquarium and go on a boat tour). I have always had a thing for marine life. My favorite theme park ever, ever, ever is Sea World. I would rather go there than Disney any day. I hope the Morgans will still speak to me.
I am feeling sort of odd today. I left Dave and the kids at home and stayed the night at my Mom's house to take care of her dogs. My stepdad is in the hospital (it's prostate related) and is really very sick. I brought my scrapbooking stuff and worked on some layouts late into the night. I thought I will finally get some sleep, but the little shi tzus kept me awake, and then woke me up bright and early (o'dark thirty as my Dad would say). I really am not as fond as dogs as I used to be. Maybe if my mom had pet dolphins or sea turtles I would be more tolerant.
Anyways, I really just feel disconnected from life today. Like I am half here or something. I guess I have been really sick lately, a bad sinus infection, then a fever that led to a chest x-ray and a diagnosis of bronchitis, a second round of antibiotics, and then I had a bladder infection for well over a week, including my trip to DC for my brother's wedding. Add my monthly cycle onto that (Chris, do you really read this????) and my normal 500 aches and pains, and you can imagine that I have been difficult to live with. I have not felt well or slep well for so many months in a row now that I am just getting worn down. I just can't cope with my children. They annoy me so much more than they should. Everyone else seems to think they are so darling.
Dave got a horrible sunburn, blisters and all and for some reason I am taking it very personally, and am convinced that I am a failure as a wife.
My Uncle Jim used to call me Sunshine when he was alive. It was sort of a joke between us, because I have never been very sunny, or shiny. But he loved me anyways, and hopefully other people can tolerate me also. Namely Dave. Poor, poor sunburned Dave with a whiny space cadet as a wife. Sigh. Woe is me, woe is me. There really is not any good way to end this.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Don't Blink
Left: Dave and I, Rollins Main Campus, September 2001. We had just gotten engaged.
Above: Dave and I, Dumbarton House, Cory and Erin's wedding reception, May 2008.
Seven years later, and we are still taking these goofy self-portraits all the time. Dave always holds the camera because he is taller and has longer arms.
At the wedding reception, we danced together for the first time. Isn't that the craziest thing? We were dancing, and Dave said, Wait, have we ever danced together before? And I was like, no, I don't think we have.
It was about time, don't you think????????
Recovery
I have started attending a recovery Bible study at my church. The first night when I walked in, someone who knows me fairly well, walked up to me and said, What are you doing here?
I had been thinking the same thing about half the people in the room. This is how we isolate ourselves from each other, by assuming the best about everyone else, and the worst about ourselves. We assume that we can't reach out because no one else would be able to relate, and worse yet, they would judge us and we would lose face.
When I told my friend that I was headed out to my recovery meeting (LARALARALARA), she said, what are you recovering from, life?
I just thought this was the funniest thing. Because it is so true. I keep laughing about it today.
Last night, after a very intense meeting, I got in the car with a friend that is going with me, and I said, (jokingly, of course) Man, I think I need a drink.
Is this not like the most inappropriate joke possible to make after one of these meetings? I am really an awful person.
I had been thinking the same thing about half the people in the room. This is how we isolate ourselves from each other, by assuming the best about everyone else, and the worst about ourselves. We assume that we can't reach out because no one else would be able to relate, and worse yet, they would judge us and we would lose face.
When I told my friend that I was headed out to my recovery meeting (LARALARALARA), she said, what are you recovering from, life?
I just thought this was the funniest thing. Because it is so true. I keep laughing about it today.
Last night, after a very intense meeting, I got in the car with a friend that is going with me, and I said, (jokingly, of course) Man, I think I need a drink.
Is this not like the most inappropriate joke possible to make after one of these meetings? I am really an awful person.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
"Magic" Marker
Our flight home from my brother's wedding was uneventful until we got to the gate. I was in a gift shop with Anna and I had just thought to myself, Wow! What an easy airport trip we had! Reagan National was almost empty. Getting there was easy, as was dropping off the rental and taking the shuttle to the terminal. Checking our luggage, going through security, finding the gate, all super smooth. Then my phone rang. Dave's on the other end: "We've got a big problem!" Now, for those of you who don't know/fully understand Dave, if he says it's a big problem, then it is a big problem. Not like when I say it's a big problem, and it is just something like, I left my trial size shampoo in the hotel shower! Like, Omigosh!
So, the big problem is this:
We* left the keys in the rental van and since we* had attached the keys to our car (which was parked in the Blue satellite parking in Orlando) and our house key also to the rental van keys, this was definitely a big problem. Especially since we* had left the other set of keys in our house for safekeeping. *Dave
I rush back to the gate and Dave takes off to retrace our journey from Budget rental to the gate. I immediately lug the two carryons, the two carseats, the two children (well, they actually walk) back to the gift shop because Jon has to have whatever I just bought Anna (except for a Transformers version, not Dora, of course). Next I take them to the bathroom, where I have to negotiate with Jonathan, please, please just try to pee, buddy it's okay if you don't have to, Mama just needs you to try, and then bite my tongue (See, I told you you had to go!!!) when he finally gives in and takes a long and giant whiz. Anna giggles hysterically and tries to catch his pee midstream. From the outside of the bathroom stall, I sound completely OCD and minorly hysterical as I shriek at them to STOP-IT-DON"T-TOUCH-ANYTHING-EVERYTHING-IS-CACA-ESPECIALLYTHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!. The people who are listening to me should know this: I really am minorly OCD and completely hysterical and my nerves are completely frayed and if one person even dares to look at me judgementally I may just SNAP.
Okay, so we get back to the gate safely, partially only because Jonathan is coralling Anna like a sheep dog. A sheep dog. That might not be a bad idea, maybe I could get one. My old neighbors had to get rid of their Australian shepherd because it was constantly herding their children and biting at their ankles. Hmmm....
Anyways, so I then have to board the kids by myself. As I am struggling to get on the plane, the flight attendant tells me, uh, I really am going to need your child to wear her shoes on the plane. We don't want her to hurt her princess feet, do we? Do we (this said in the tone people normally reserve for puppies)? I try to keep my expression neutral as I unload all of the myriad CRAP I am carrying on myself, saddlebag style, sort of like a camel. A horse would be too graceful. I try not to silently curse her under my breath as I cram Anna's little feet into her purple Crocs, which of course I wanted her to wear. What kind of mother do I look like here? Can't they tell I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN???? I had fought with her all weekend about her shoes, including at the wedding, where she walked down the aisle barefoot instead of in her perfect white patent leather Mary Jane Stride Rites with the cutest little anklet socks ever. The whole time I am trying to get them both on the plane, carseat installed, luggage stowed overhead (excuse me, pardon me, I am sorry (as I slam the booster seat into someone's head), no, Anna, JON, get out of there, those aren't our seats, that's first class) Jonathan is tearful and worried about his Daddy. He is so worried, how will Daddy be able to find us, Mama? What if he does not get here in time?
Dave comes running on the plane, carrying his boots (why wasn't the flight attendant worried about his princely feet?), with the keys (thank goodness, everyone we know and would ask to come get us from the airport is still in DC) and drenched in sweat. Poor guy. The people at Budget apparently had no idea or no way to locate which rental was ours. They sure make it look official, the way they scanned the barcode on the van when we brought it back. You would think this scanning of the barcode would represent some sort of, I don't know, tracking system? So Dave had to locate the van himself, and race back to the shuttle, back through security.
I get the kids new markers and activity books out. I buy stuff like this because of a false sense of hope I have that it will keep them occupied, which it does, but not $7 dollars worth of occupied. While we are taking off, Jonathan's marker slides out of his lap and under his seat. He cries, but we reassure him that we will find it when the plane lands. Dave gets super motion sick and is in terrible shape during the plane ride. Jonathan eats his pretzels and, drinks his Cran-Apple, says I am all done, returns his tray to the upright and locked position, and falls asleep. Anna stays up, and starts slapping her ears and crying when we begin our descent. She puts her head in my lap and covers her ear with my hand, and she falls asleep. We land, Dave starts to vomit, (I feel so bad for him!) and I sit with both sleeping kids while everyone else (including Dave) leaves the plane. I get us off the plane, and then Jonathan starts crying about his orange marker! His new orange magic marker! The pilot hears this, and says, what did he lose something? Pretty soon, both of the pilots, all 3 flight attendants and one of the ground crew, are all crawling around on the floor of the plane looking for this kid (who, come on, is pretty overindulged and really does not need this magic marker). The pilot starts to piece the puzzle together: Now wait, when did the marker fall? Was it when we were taking off, or landing? I reply, taking off. Well, then he says, it would have gone to the back of the plane. Princess Shoes Flight Attendant says, wait a minute, was it a red magic marker? To which the pilot replies, any marker anybody finds, let's run it by the kid, ok??? She says, oh, well I found a red magic marker earlier, and I threw it away. She goes and digs through all the trash, produces the red magic marker, which is indeed not even remotely orange. They give it to Jonathan, who decides that it must be magic, since it was orange, and now it is red.
Sigh.
PS We got home safe.
So, the big problem is this:
We* left the keys in the rental van and since we* had attached the keys to our car (which was parked in the Blue satellite parking in Orlando) and our house key also to the rental van keys, this was definitely a big problem. Especially since we* had left the other set of keys in our house for safekeeping. *Dave
I rush back to the gate and Dave takes off to retrace our journey from Budget rental to the gate. I immediately lug the two carryons, the two carseats, the two children (well, they actually walk) back to the gift shop because Jon has to have whatever I just bought Anna (except for a Transformers version, not Dora, of course). Next I take them to the bathroom, where I have to negotiate with Jonathan, please, please just try to pee, buddy it's okay if you don't have to, Mama just needs you to try, and then bite my tongue (See, I told you you had to go!!!) when he finally gives in and takes a long and giant whiz. Anna giggles hysterically and tries to catch his pee midstream. From the outside of the bathroom stall, I sound completely OCD and minorly hysterical as I shriek at them to STOP-IT-DON"T-TOUCH-ANYTHING-EVERYTHING-IS-CACA-ESPECIALLYTHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!. The people who are listening to me should know this: I really am minorly OCD and completely hysterical and my nerves are completely frayed and if one person even dares to look at me judgementally I may just SNAP.
Okay, so we get back to the gate safely, partially only because Jonathan is coralling Anna like a sheep dog. A sheep dog. That might not be a bad idea, maybe I could get one. My old neighbors had to get rid of their Australian shepherd because it was constantly herding their children and biting at their ankles. Hmmm....
Anyways, so I then have to board the kids by myself. As I am struggling to get on the plane, the flight attendant tells me, uh, I really am going to need your child to wear her shoes on the plane. We don't want her to hurt her princess feet, do we? Do we (this said in the tone people normally reserve for puppies)? I try to keep my expression neutral as I unload all of the myriad CRAP I am carrying on myself, saddlebag style, sort of like a camel. A horse would be too graceful. I try not to silently curse her under my breath as I cram Anna's little feet into her purple Crocs, which of course I wanted her to wear. What kind of mother do I look like here? Can't they tell I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN???? I had fought with her all weekend about her shoes, including at the wedding, where she walked down the aisle barefoot instead of in her perfect white patent leather Mary Jane Stride Rites with the cutest little anklet socks ever. The whole time I am trying to get them both on the plane, carseat installed, luggage stowed overhead (excuse me, pardon me, I am sorry (as I slam the booster seat into someone's head), no, Anna, JON, get out of there, those aren't our seats, that's first class) Jonathan is tearful and worried about his Daddy. He is so worried, how will Daddy be able to find us, Mama? What if he does not get here in time?
Dave comes running on the plane, carrying his boots (why wasn't the flight attendant worried about his princely feet?), with the keys (thank goodness, everyone we know and would ask to come get us from the airport is still in DC) and drenched in sweat. Poor guy. The people at Budget apparently had no idea or no way to locate which rental was ours. They sure make it look official, the way they scanned the barcode on the van when we brought it back. You would think this scanning of the barcode would represent some sort of, I don't know, tracking system? So Dave had to locate the van himself, and race back to the shuttle, back through security.
I get the kids new markers and activity books out. I buy stuff like this because of a false sense of hope I have that it will keep them occupied, which it does, but not $7 dollars worth of occupied. While we are taking off, Jonathan's marker slides out of his lap and under his seat. He cries, but we reassure him that we will find it when the plane lands. Dave gets super motion sick and is in terrible shape during the plane ride. Jonathan eats his pretzels and, drinks his Cran-Apple, says I am all done, returns his tray to the upright and locked position, and falls asleep. Anna stays up, and starts slapping her ears and crying when we begin our descent. She puts her head in my lap and covers her ear with my hand, and she falls asleep. We land, Dave starts to vomit, (I feel so bad for him!) and I sit with both sleeping kids while everyone else (including Dave) leaves the plane. I get us off the plane, and then Jonathan starts crying about his orange marker! His new orange magic marker! The pilot hears this, and says, what did he lose something? Pretty soon, both of the pilots, all 3 flight attendants and one of the ground crew, are all crawling around on the floor of the plane looking for this kid (who, come on, is pretty overindulged and really does not need this magic marker). The pilot starts to piece the puzzle together: Now wait, when did the marker fall? Was it when we were taking off, or landing? I reply, taking off. Well, then he says, it would have gone to the back of the plane. Princess Shoes Flight Attendant says, wait a minute, was it a red magic marker? To which the pilot replies, any marker anybody finds, let's run it by the kid, ok??? She says, oh, well I found a red magic marker earlier, and I threw it away. She goes and digs through all the trash, produces the red magic marker, which is indeed not even remotely orange. They give it to Jonathan, who decides that it must be magic, since it was orange, and now it is red.
Sigh.
PS We got home safe.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Almost Gone...
Anna's first pedicure (Man, she has pretty feet! I wonder where she got them from?). I am not really into the whole nail polish on kids but I figured just this one time for the wedding, it's okay. And I saw a crazy Mom at the park one day with a three-month old with hot pink toenails. And product in her hair! So I am better than that Mom at least. I guess? What do you all think?
We are almost ready to leave! Our packing is coming together nicely. I think I have been mentally making lists for months now so it all just needs to be thrown in the suitcases. That's the easy part. Now I have to obsess over whether or not I actually put the right stuff in the suitcases. The one thing I always forget: baby shampoo. And then the kids are screaming and crying with the hotel grade shampoo running in their eyes. But this time, it is good to go! I have Band-Aids, Tylenol, Advil, Alleve, 3 different types of allergy medicines, tweezers, safety pins, bobby pins, and all kinds of other stuff. Two-thirds of all this just in case stuff I pack we probably won't even use. But I might be able to sleep better tonight feeling like I'm a little more prepared. It's all about the illusion of control.
I like to think of myself as a low-maintenence type of girl, but as I laid all of my necessities out on the bed, I realized otherwise. The picture above is just my stuff, not Dave's, Anna's or Jonathan's. Just to give you a little sense of scale, this garment bag is stretched across the width of a queen size bed. There are probably 8-10 different brushes, 5-6 different hair products, 6 different eye makeup products, 6-7 different tubs of Bare Minerals make-up...
Oh, and looking at the picture I just realized what I am missing: my flat iron and curling iron. I am bringing some of this product because I am going to help my Mom with her makeup and hair. So there! I am not really that bad!
Memories
I was leafing through some photo files on our computer this morning trying to find one picture in particular to send to a friend. I spotted this photo of Anna and I had sort of a revelation. I scrapbook and I am always trying to sort through our pictures (we take 1000s!) and find the best one, the cutest one, the most important memory to preserve, what to hold on to, what will I want to remember in 5, 10, 20 years? I had already scrapbooked this perfect Christmas '07 morning, where we went out with the kids and rode their new bikes. But I completely missed this picture of Anna, just skimmed over it like it was not good enough. What did I not like about it? Was it because I couldn't see her face that well? Now, 5 months later, knowing what I know now about Anna's personality and her sheer sassiness and spunk, I would have absolutely put this one in the book. Now that I have watched her grow into that pink gypsy skirt and out of the shirt and shoes she's wearing, I would have absolutely put this one in the book. Scrapbooking is supposed to be my fun hobby, but sometimes I find it stressful, because I am literally editing Dave and I's life together. I am choosing, in many ways, what we will remember and what we will forget. I have already found this to be true with Jonathan's babyhood. Things I thought I would never forget are already a little fuzzy and out of focus, and our albums of him are what I look to when I want to remember.
On my quest to hold on to these moments of Anna and Jonathan's childhood, I guess I am always asking myself, what is most precious, most worthy of remembrance? And this morning, I realized the answer: everything. Everything is precious. Every laugh, every tear, every single moment should be savored because once they are gone you can't get them back and there's no guarantee how many we'll get.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Lavender Vanilla Comfort Chicken
Last night we had some friends from church come over to eat. My kids love their daughter Camryn and baby son Grant and they play really well together. I think Jonathan is sort of crushing a little on Camryn. I asked him if Camryn was his princess the other day and he blushed to the tips of his ears!
I have to admit I was a little nervous because I don't think I have ever hosted anyone but family (and Lara and Jeremy, but I have no sense of pride or pretense with them, so they don't count in this respect). Everything was going smoothly. I had the apple crisp done and on the counter, I had browned all the chicken in a skillet and I had mixed up my homemade barbecue sauce. All I had to do was cut up the onions and celery, fry them in the skilllet, and then pour them and the sauce over the chicken and get it in the oven. So slice and dice, slice and dice. The house is clean (as good as it gets) and everything is on schedule, and by some miracle I don't have a headache (I almost always have a headache lately). Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jon up on a chair holding a bottle of cleaner in his hands. He is saying to himself, Oh, what did you make? He is perched over my bowl of BBQ sauce. Me, not fully grasping the situation for some reason (which, in retrospect, is puzzling, because I normally assume the worst with my kids) tell him to get down. I give him a mini-lecture about how that bottle is full of poison, and we clean with poison, but never around food...
And then I resume what I was doing. A few moments later, he comes in the kitchen, looking all pale, and says, "Mama, I don't think Camryn should eat that chicken."
I immediately start interrogating him, Did you spray the cleaner in the sauce? Did you? You're not in trouble, I just need you to tell me the truth....
He keeps saying, I don't know! I can't REMEMBER!
He is so stressed out, because in his mind, he may have poisoned the chicken, leading to the demise of his Princess Camryn (I don't think he seems concerned in the least about the rest of us), and I think he literally can't remember if he did spray it in the bowl or not!
We all sniff the sauce, and I can't smell one trace of Lavender Vanilla Comfort Febreze Mr. Clean in it, but I decide it is not something I want to risk (not because I am worried about poisoning anyone, it's my own pride in my meal at stake here!) so I dump the sauce and start over.
When I think about what could have happened! Can you imagine serving your guests Febreze scented chicken?
I have to admit I was a little nervous because I don't think I have ever hosted anyone but family (and Lara and Jeremy, but I have no sense of pride or pretense with them, so they don't count in this respect). Everything was going smoothly. I had the apple crisp done and on the counter, I had browned all the chicken in a skillet and I had mixed up my homemade barbecue sauce. All I had to do was cut up the onions and celery, fry them in the skilllet, and then pour them and the sauce over the chicken and get it in the oven. So slice and dice, slice and dice. The house is clean (as good as it gets) and everything is on schedule, and by some miracle I don't have a headache (I almost always have a headache lately). Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jon up on a chair holding a bottle of cleaner in his hands. He is saying to himself, Oh, what did you make? He is perched over my bowl of BBQ sauce. Me, not fully grasping the situation for some reason (which, in retrospect, is puzzling, because I normally assume the worst with my kids) tell him to get down. I give him a mini-lecture about how that bottle is full of poison, and we clean with poison, but never around food...
And then I resume what I was doing. A few moments later, he comes in the kitchen, looking all pale, and says, "Mama, I don't think Camryn should eat that chicken."
I immediately start interrogating him, Did you spray the cleaner in the sauce? Did you? You're not in trouble, I just need you to tell me the truth....
He keeps saying, I don't know! I can't REMEMBER!
He is so stressed out, because in his mind, he may have poisoned the chicken, leading to the demise of his Princess Camryn (I don't think he seems concerned in the least about the rest of us), and I think he literally can't remember if he did spray it in the bowl or not!
We all sniff the sauce, and I can't smell one trace of Lavender Vanilla Comfort Febreze Mr. Clean in it, but I decide it is not something I want to risk (not because I am worried about poisoning anyone, it's my own pride in my meal at stake here!) so I dump the sauce and start over.
When I think about what could have happened! Can you imagine serving your guests Febreze scented chicken?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
10 Simple Pleasures
From Jessica's blog, it was supposed to be five, but I can't decide which five, so here's ten.
1.) Sunday afternoon naps
2.) Reading books with my kids
3.) Diet sodas that aren't terrible tasting (like Diet Mug Cream Soda or Diet Sunkist)
4.) Picking out a new shade of polish for my toes (like this pretty metallic pink coral I just got!)
5.) DVRed The Office reruns
6.) Facebook (Love it!)
7.) Being up before my kids so I can start the day off peacefully (I am pretty cranky in the morning, and we are all so much happier if I can get my bearings before I have to deal with any other human being)
8.) Watching my kids while they sleep
9.) My little purse sized New Testament Bible (Message Translation. It is purple! Love it!)
10.) When Dave makes waffles and I wake up to the sound of the beeping of the waffle iron.
1.) Sunday afternoon naps
2.) Reading books with my kids
3.) Diet sodas that aren't terrible tasting (like Diet Mug Cream Soda or Diet Sunkist)
4.) Picking out a new shade of polish for my toes (like this pretty metallic pink coral I just got!)
5.) DVRed The Office reruns
6.) Facebook (Love it!)
7.) Being up before my kids so I can start the day off peacefully (I am pretty cranky in the morning, and we are all so much happier if I can get my bearings before I have to deal with any other human being)
8.) Watching my kids while they sleep
9.) My little purse sized New Testament Bible (Message Translation. It is purple! Love it!)
10.) When Dave makes waffles and I wake up to the sound of the beeping of the waffle iron.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Jonatha's Comments about E.T.
The whole family sat down to watch E.T (TIVO'd version, luckily, the kids freak out during commercials. I think they think I changed the channel). I figured it would be like most non-cartoon movies and Jonathan and Anna would be tired of it in 15 minutes. I was very wrong. Jonathan and Anna loved the antics of that little alien. I'm trying to remember all of the things that Jonathan said during the movie.
"He likes chocolate?" (while ET ate reeses pieces)
"Aliens don't sleep" (to which I said, "Why not?" and he said "because they wouldn't have any beds up in space" I actually wander if he knew that they'd just float right out of a bed in space)
"How's he do that?" (anytime ET makes things fly)
"He can talk!"
"Is he going to die?"
"He uses manners!" (at the end when ET says "Thank you")
"Why does he have to go home?"
"Can he come back and visit?"
Oh, to have the simple, clear logic of a child (and retain my adult intellect at the same time, obviously).
Dave
"He likes chocolate?" (while ET ate reeses pieces)
"Aliens don't sleep" (to which I said, "Why not?" and he said "because they wouldn't have any beds up in space" I actually wander if he knew that they'd just float right out of a bed in space)
"How's he do that?" (anytime ET makes things fly)
"He can talk!"
"Is he going to die?"
"He uses manners!" (at the end when ET says "Thank you")
"Why does he have to go home?"
"Can he come back and visit?"
Oh, to have the simple, clear logic of a child (and retain my adult intellect at the same time, obviously).
Dave
Friday, May 16, 2008
Boo-Hoo!
I am just crying my eyes out! Dave and I are working on a slideshow for Cory and Erin's wedding and just watching it made me cry. Watching them grow up before my eyes, and thinking about them getting married and all that it means... I am going to have to watch it a 1,000 times before next week so I don't just completely lose it. Get desensitized to it a little bit.
Seeing the pictures are so cute but some of them just make me so sad also, like seeing my Dad and Mom and us all when our family was young and intact. What happens? How do you just lose love and dissolve a family? Can you really? I completely understand why my parents divorced but it is just something that never seems to stop hurting me. I'd rather focus on the bad times because the happy times make me so much more sad.
Dave also made the comment: Can you imagine doing this for our own kids? And that just set me off worse! I was already thinking about pictures of them all dressed up at the wedding and being 2 and 4 and just flashing forward to them growing up and getting married... I mean that's my goal, to have them grow up and away, but I just wonder how? How will I ever let them go? How does a mother bear this? Maybe they are easier to let go as teenagers, but it already is so bittersweet to watch the years pass by. Another day gone, and you can't get it back. Even though I have loved them every minute of their life and some days seem to last forever, I can't believe how fast the past four and half years have gone by. And I wonder, have I loved them enough? Have I showed them the right way to go?
Boo-hoo! I better go research what the most foolproof waterproof mascara is to wear to the wedding.
Seeing the pictures are so cute but some of them just make me so sad also, like seeing my Dad and Mom and us all when our family was young and intact. What happens? How do you just lose love and dissolve a family? Can you really? I completely understand why my parents divorced but it is just something that never seems to stop hurting me. I'd rather focus on the bad times because the happy times make me so much more sad.
Dave also made the comment: Can you imagine doing this for our own kids? And that just set me off worse! I was already thinking about pictures of them all dressed up at the wedding and being 2 and 4 and just flashing forward to them growing up and getting married... I mean that's my goal, to have them grow up and away, but I just wonder how? How will I ever let them go? How does a mother bear this? Maybe they are easier to let go as teenagers, but it already is so bittersweet to watch the years pass by. Another day gone, and you can't get it back. Even though I have loved them every minute of their life and some days seem to last forever, I can't believe how fast the past four and half years have gone by. And I wonder, have I loved them enough? Have I showed them the right way to go?
Boo-hoo! I better go research what the most foolproof waterproof mascara is to wear to the wedding.
Today's Agenda
6:00 AM Wake up and watch Dora on the couch with Anna, who went to sleep at 9:00 (I went to sleep at midnight, so this was not actually on my agenda)
9:00 AM Fingerpainting (I actually had to write this in on my calender to make time for it this week! The kids just got them and they have been begging to use them, and we have to do them while Daddy's at work so he doesn't have a mini stroke or something. Seriously, he's an awesome Daddy but stuff like fingerpaints almost send over the edge.)
11:00 AM Dave comes home; we go to pick up my dress! Please, God let it fit and minimize the fatness! Eat lunch!
12 PM Go to the county to get Jonathan's VPK Certificate of Elgibility. He's so official now! I have to bring his birth certificate and social security card. This reminds me that he will go to Kindegarten next fall (sob!)
1 PM Attempt to go shopping for some dress shirts/ties/slacks/dress socks for Dave and Jonathan. Realize the kids are turning beastly on us and retreat home.
2 PM Drop kids and Dave (poor Dave) back at house and go tutor a homeschooled for an hour. One of the major highlights of my week! We are finishing up a unit on The Outsiders. Yay, Language Arts!
4:30 Therapy for me!
6:00 Back home to make pancakes and bacon for breakfast for dinner(Lara taught me this; Plus she taught me to use Krusteaz buttermilk mix and to add cinnamon and vanilla to the batter to make them French Toast Pancakes. Mmmmmm........)
7-12 AM Playtime, clean-up time, bath time, bed time. Hopefully Dave and I can watch our DVRd The Office from last night. Toby's leaving??? If Jim or Pam leaves or break up I don't know what I am going to do. Also, hopefully we can work on our PhotoShow for the wedding some tonight. I never knew how INSANELY cute my soon-to-be sister-in-law was as a child! Just looking at the photos of my brother and her as babies and kids makes me choke up. Anyone recommend a truly waterproof mascara for the wedding?
9:00 AM Fingerpainting (I actually had to write this in on my calender to make time for it this week! The kids just got them and they have been begging to use them, and we have to do them while Daddy's at work so he doesn't have a mini stroke or something. Seriously, he's an awesome Daddy but stuff like fingerpaints almost send over the edge.)
11:00 AM Dave comes home; we go to pick up my dress! Please, God let it fit and minimize the fatness! Eat lunch!
12 PM Go to the county to get Jonathan's VPK Certificate of Elgibility. He's so official now! I have to bring his birth certificate and social security card. This reminds me that he will go to Kindegarten next fall (sob!)
1 PM Attempt to go shopping for some dress shirts/ties/slacks/dress socks for Dave and Jonathan. Realize the kids are turning beastly on us and retreat home.
2 PM Drop kids and Dave (poor Dave) back at house and go tutor a homeschooled for an hour. One of the major highlights of my week! We are finishing up a unit on The Outsiders. Yay, Language Arts!
4:30 Therapy for me!
6:00 Back home to make pancakes and bacon for breakfast for dinner(Lara taught me this; Plus she taught me to use Krusteaz buttermilk mix and to add cinnamon and vanilla to the batter to make them French Toast Pancakes. Mmmmmm........)
7-12 AM Playtime, clean-up time, bath time, bed time. Hopefully Dave and I can watch our DVRd The Office from last night. Toby's leaving??? If Jim or Pam leaves or break up I don't know what I am going to do. Also, hopefully we can work on our PhotoShow for the wedding some tonight. I never knew how INSANELY cute my soon-to-be sister-in-law was as a child! Just looking at the photos of my brother and her as babies and kids makes me choke up. Anyone recommend a truly waterproof mascara for the wedding?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Neti Pot
Has anyone ever used a Neti Pot? I went to the doctor about my headaches. She prescribed a whole bunch of crap. At the end of the appointment, I asked her if she could just look in my sinuses, because the chiropractor had told me that he thought my headaches might be sinus-based. I knew I had a deviated septum and an enlarged right turbinate, based on past x-rays and my recent MRI. But the doctor said my right sinus looked terrible a I also have a large polyp in my right sinus. She gave me Biaxin for 10 days, a steroid pack, and recommended a Neti Pot and some other nose sprays. Come back in a month and we'll get a CT scan, and I might need to be referred for sinus surgery. An ENT had suggested a surgery 10 years ago, and I could not stand the idea of the surgery. But I don't know, now, it might be worth it if I could get of these headaches.
So I get the Neti Pot, and when I follow the directions it works perfectly one the first side, but the other side, there is no flow out. It just all goes down my throat and chokes me. I guess that side is just blocked because of all the problems? Or am I doing something wrong?
PS After my facial last night, my skin kept getting more and more inflamed, and this morning I woke up and it was painful and beet red. I am glad I did not do it right before the wedding.
So I get the Neti Pot, and when I follow the directions it works perfectly one the first side, but the other side, there is no flow out. It just all goes down my throat and chokes me. I guess that side is just blocked because of all the problems? Or am I doing something wrong?
PS After my facial last night, my skin kept getting more and more inflamed, and this morning I woke up and it was painful and beet red. I am glad I did not do it right before the wedding.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Wednesday
Today was a good day. I met with Missy, who is going to co-coordinate the nursery with me, which I am super excited, not only for the help but I think she has some really great ideas and talents to bring to the ministry. I also think we will work well together. The meeting went well, we got some stuff done, some plans made and some problems solved. Then Sherry took us to lunch at Panera (yummm.. creamy tomato soup with asiago croutons).
I went back to my Mom's and we were very happy to find that Missy's son had a great time playing with my kids and my nephew. Then my mom's neigbors came over from across the street and helped me figure out what to do about Anna's dress. The blue one is now too small. We will go with the ivory and Marie (the neighbor) is going to make a really pretty sash and attach some of the ivory flowers from the sash that came with the dress. She seemed very confident about the whole thing, and very certain that the blue dress was way too small and that flower girls should be in white or ivory. So that's what I needed. Someone just to be kind of pushy and nudge me in the right direction (or any direction that means progress, really).
Then I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with the kids and T, my nephew. I came home and Dave had gotten Chinese for dinner (which Anna asks for specifially all the time; the kids wolf down the chicken and brocoli, white rice and wonton soup, I know it's probably too high in salt so we try to leave most of the sauce in the serving containers. I got mixed vegetables, just plain (I hate the gelatinous garlic sauce they normally use. I also ate a few pieces of Dave's general Tso's chicken, which is really nasty mystery meat but does taste delicious. The secret to eating it is to avoid making eye contact, and to never, ever cut it open with your fork. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.
Then I was off to enjoy my Mother's Day Gift: my first facial ever. I got the pumpkin pie facial. It's like an hour of heaven, except for when they paint the burning peel on your face, or when they extract all the gunk from your pores with this sharp metal thing. But it included some very relaxing massage to my chest, neck and arms, and face, and the steam was fabulous for my sinuses. It was just so entertaining! There were so many steps. Clean your face twice, soak with hot towel, examine skin closely, apply peel, apply foamy stuff, hot towel, extractions, toner, wash face, mask, massage, cleanse, tone, moisturize. And the lavender water cotton balls over your eyes! Then the warm aromatherapy pillow on your face. It was just so luxurious ! The room was so dark and pretty and quiet, and the music was a little more elevator than new age, which in my opinion is better. I seriously think I may have missed my calling. God knows how much I love products, and she had so MANY of them. Like a huge stockpile of Dermatologica.
And I adore, adore picking skin. To get to push blackheads out for a living? I mean, come on! I love it when Dave lets me pop a zit or work on an ingrown hair. I know it's not really just quirky, it's disgusting. But I love to pull splinters out, peel sunburns, oil my kids heads and scrape all the cradle cap off, pluck eyebrows, work on ingrown toenails....... Maybe I am just really a gross person. Probably. Most probably definitely.
Anyways, the facial was fantastic. I smell like a piece of pumpkin pie with a nice cup of chai tea on the side. I was so relaxed afterwards that I could barely figure out my credit card receipt. Then I just could not go home! I went to Wild Oats (they are closing, and EVERYTHING is 30% off. I browsed around, purchasing two tubes of tomato paste (the kind you keep in the fridge instead of the stupid can where you use a third of it and throw it away), a cooking magazine, and some body lotion. Next I went to Starbucks. For the first time ever, the coffee had no power over me. I have not had one ounce since Sunday, which is pretty awesome. I sort of had a revelation while I was chugging my latte and trying to avoid looking at a man holding a hungry homeless sign at the intersection. It just seemed absurdly wasteful and I decided I needed to get some control over my coffee/latte/americano addiction.
I got a black hot tea and a raspberry apricot jam scone. I sat for an entire hour and graded papers for my tutoring student. This was like heaven to me. Correcting grammar, yummy treat, no interruptions?????
So it's been a good day, even though my steroids are making me a little MANIC and HUngry and my antibiotic is making me sick and hurting my stomach. So it's like I am starving but I don't want to eat anything. Which I guess with my brother's wedding coming up so soon, may be a blessing. The tailors give me my final fitting on Saturday. They demanded I be there at 800 am. I had better fit into the dress, I am a little afraid of what they might say. THose are some pretty fierce old ladies.
I went back to my Mom's and we were very happy to find that Missy's son had a great time playing with my kids and my nephew. Then my mom's neigbors came over from across the street and helped me figure out what to do about Anna's dress. The blue one is now too small. We will go with the ivory and Marie (the neighbor) is going to make a really pretty sash and attach some of the ivory flowers from the sash that came with the dress. She seemed very confident about the whole thing, and very certain that the blue dress was way too small and that flower girls should be in white or ivory. So that's what I needed. Someone just to be kind of pushy and nudge me in the right direction (or any direction that means progress, really).
Then I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with the kids and T, my nephew. I came home and Dave had gotten Chinese for dinner (which Anna asks for specifially all the time; the kids wolf down the chicken and brocoli, white rice and wonton soup, I know it's probably too high in salt so we try to leave most of the sauce in the serving containers. I got mixed vegetables, just plain (I hate the gelatinous garlic sauce they normally use. I also ate a few pieces of Dave's general Tso's chicken, which is really nasty mystery meat but does taste delicious. The secret to eating it is to avoid making eye contact, and to never, ever cut it open with your fork. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.
Then I was off to enjoy my Mother's Day Gift: my first facial ever. I got the pumpkin pie facial. It's like an hour of heaven, except for when they paint the burning peel on your face, or when they extract all the gunk from your pores with this sharp metal thing. But it included some very relaxing massage to my chest, neck and arms, and face, and the steam was fabulous for my sinuses. It was just so entertaining! There were so many steps. Clean your face twice, soak with hot towel, examine skin closely, apply peel, apply foamy stuff, hot towel, extractions, toner, wash face, mask, massage, cleanse, tone, moisturize. And the lavender water cotton balls over your eyes! Then the warm aromatherapy pillow on your face. It was just so luxurious ! The room was so dark and pretty and quiet, and the music was a little more elevator than new age, which in my opinion is better. I seriously think I may have missed my calling. God knows how much I love products, and she had so MANY of them. Like a huge stockpile of Dermatologica.
And I adore, adore picking skin. To get to push blackheads out for a living? I mean, come on! I love it when Dave lets me pop a zit or work on an ingrown hair. I know it's not really just quirky, it's disgusting. But I love to pull splinters out, peel sunburns, oil my kids heads and scrape all the cradle cap off, pluck eyebrows, work on ingrown toenails....... Maybe I am just really a gross person. Probably. Most probably definitely.
Anyways, the facial was fantastic. I smell like a piece of pumpkin pie with a nice cup of chai tea on the side. I was so relaxed afterwards that I could barely figure out my credit card receipt. Then I just could not go home! I went to Wild Oats (they are closing, and EVERYTHING is 30% off. I browsed around, purchasing two tubes of tomato paste (the kind you keep in the fridge instead of the stupid can where you use a third of it and throw it away), a cooking magazine, and some body lotion. Next I went to Starbucks. For the first time ever, the coffee had no power over me. I have not had one ounce since Sunday, which is pretty awesome. I sort of had a revelation while I was chugging my latte and trying to avoid looking at a man holding a hungry homeless sign at the intersection. It just seemed absurdly wasteful and I decided I needed to get some control over my coffee/latte/americano addiction.
I got a black hot tea and a raspberry apricot jam scone. I sat for an entire hour and graded papers for my tutoring student. This was like heaven to me. Correcting grammar, yummy treat, no interruptions?????
So it's been a good day, even though my steroids are making me a little MANIC and HUngry and my antibiotic is making me sick and hurting my stomach. So it's like I am starving but I don't want to eat anything. Which I guess with my brother's wedding coming up so soon, may be a blessing. The tailors give me my final fitting on Saturday. They demanded I be there at 800 am. I had better fit into the dress, I am a little afraid of what they might say. THose are some pretty fierce old ladies.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Bad Mommy Confessions of the Week
Yesterday I let the kids color all of the ceramic tile in the dining room with markers. After that we had one last fling with the awful, awful Moon Sand (worst toy purchase EVER) where I let them pretty much throw and track it everywhere. When everything was both nasty and colorful, I scooped and swept it all up and put it in the trash. Then I had Anna help me clean the floor with wet wipes (she LOVES to clean). Bad Mommy, but sort of zany and fun at the same time.
I sort of had a mini meltdown yesterday and was crying a lot in front of the kids. I made an emergency appointment with my therapist, and then I took them to Wal-Mart and overindulged them because I felt bad about being so unstable and emotional in front of them. Jonathan said, Man, I must have been beary, beary good. I didn't even get all my stickers yet, did I Mama?
Bad Mommy! (Really, this is the sort of thing they will probably be in therapy about someday.)
Today I ran into a cart at Target. I was too tired and exasperated to get out and move it so I kind of just kept running into it as I pulled into the parking space. (Sorry, honey.)
I came home and glued my fingers together with nail glue. (I guess that's more like a dumb mommy confession.)
Right now Jonathan and Anna have taken a carton of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food into the living room and they are eating out of it with a spoon. Anna is licking the lid. I am pretending that I have no idea this is happening because they are leaving me alone.
Now Anna is walking around eating out of a jar of peanut butter and Jonathan is chugging out of a 64 oz jug of juice. I guess I had better summon some resolve and energy and get them to bed.
I sort of had a mini meltdown yesterday and was crying a lot in front of the kids. I made an emergency appointment with my therapist, and then I took them to Wal-Mart and overindulged them because I felt bad about being so unstable and emotional in front of them. Jonathan said, Man, I must have been beary, beary good. I didn't even get all my stickers yet, did I Mama?
Bad Mommy! (Really, this is the sort of thing they will probably be in therapy about someday.)
Today I ran into a cart at Target. I was too tired and exasperated to get out and move it so I kind of just kept running into it as I pulled into the parking space. (Sorry, honey.)
I came home and glued my fingers together with nail glue. (I guess that's more like a dumb mommy confession.)
Right now Jonathan and Anna have taken a carton of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food into the living room and they are eating out of it with a spoon. Anna is licking the lid. I am pretending that I have no idea this is happening because they are leaving me alone.
Now Anna is walking around eating out of a jar of peanut butter and Jonathan is chugging out of a 64 oz jug of juice. I guess I had better summon some resolve and energy and get them to bed.
Star Wars Philosophy by JonJon
I heard Jonathan playing with his Star Wars toys this morning, and I was sort of alarmed when he staged a very gleeful victory for Darth Vader. I asked him why? He shrugged his shoulders and said:
"Sometimes the good guys win, and sometimes the bad guys win.
Yesterday Jacob (a teenage boy we are friends with) said that the good guys always win, and that's silly, because what about when Darth Vader caught that princess? What's her name, Mama?"
"Ummm, Lea?"
"Yeah. Well, that time the bad guys won. So sometimes they have to win so then the good guys
can REALLY win."
"Sometimes the good guys win, and sometimes the bad guys win.
Yesterday Jacob (a teenage boy we are friends with) said that the good guys always win, and that's silly, because what about when Darth Vader caught that princess? What's her name, Mama?"
"Ummm, Lea?"
"Yeah. Well, that time the bad guys won. So sometimes they have to win so then the good guys
can REALLY win."
My First Date with Dave
The picture of me was after we had been dating 2 weeks. I had made Dave dinner for the first time. I was cracking up about something.
May 13, 2001 was our first date. We had just met online the day before, and had talked on the phone for hours that night. I can remember the first time I heard his voice. I felt like someone had literally squeezed my heart. All he said was hello, and I was already half gone. Our conversation felt so familiar, so easy, so fun. I felt like, Oh, it's you. I had seen one picture of him, and he had no idea what I looked like other than my description on the phone. I wore Calvin Klein blue jeans, sparkly black flip flops and a magenta blouse. I did my toenails this really funky color that changed depending on how you looked at it, and he actually noticed it. Major points there! Those of you who know me well know I am pretty vain about my feet.
I got in my red Pontiac Sunfire (my first car ever!) and went to his apartment. Which was stupid for three reasons: I had met him on the Internet; he was brand new to town and no one I knew knew
I got in my red Pontiac Sunfire (my first car ever!) and went to his apartment. Which was stupid for three reasons: I had met him on the Internet; he was brand new to town and no one I knew knew
him; and his apartment was on University, which is NOT the best area of town. He had just moved from Kentucky that weekend to take a job at Harris. He opened the door, and I can remember that image like it was yesterday, and not seven years ago. I remember he looked sort of frightened, and I was worried that it was because of my appearance. He told me later that I looked like some sort of angel standing there. After a brief introduction to his oldest and closest friend Kyle, who was lounging on the couch cussing at the Nintendo (I was put off at first but now I know he's a great guy), we got in Dave's car (a white Mustang Cobra) and I directed him to Papa Gallo's beachside. We both ordered the baked ziti even though we wanted something else because it's something you can eat without humiliating yourself (no spaghetti or cheese slapping your face and leaving track marks of sauce on your chin). Afterwards we went to the beach, and sat down on the stairs and just looked out at the ocean and talked and talked. I pretended I was cold so he would put his arm around me (it was May in Florida). I kept wishing he would kiss me. At the end of the date he hugged me, and because I am so much shorter than him, I sort of laid my head on his chest. I remember he said: You're just kind of finding your spot there, aren't you? And that is exactly what I was doing. I have found my place in Dave's arms, and everyday, even the bad ones, I thank God for giving me him as a husband. I am being totally serious. I cannot imagine for one moment my life with anyone else.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Mother's Day
Anna woke up at 4:00 AM on Sunday. She was chipper and requested popcorn and pancakes for breakfast. Yes to the popcorn, and are you kidding me to the pancakes? I was exhausted because she had also stayed up late the night before. We are still struggling with sleep issues even though she is completely done with nursing. We needed to get to church by 7:30 or so, so we woke up a very cranky Jonathan, who loves to sleep in (he's my child). Then Dave had them present me with my cards and gift. I wanted some pictures of this moment. Jonathan spent picture time throwing himself around on the floor and crying. Most of the pictures are me with this big artificial smile on my face with Jonathan pinned in a headlock that I am trying to pass off as a hug. We got to church, Jonathan had a huge fit, then I served in the nursery for the first service. Anna was dedicated this Sunday (she was the oldest kid up there I think) so I brought her in with me to second service. The little darling managed to fall asleep in the front row at our church, on the drum side, to some very loud and bangy (but very good) worship. I'm like seriously??? You can't sleep in a dim room with your silk-silk blankies and me rocking you and singing to you and reading five books and all of the other ridiculous goings on that you've been putting me through to punish me for taking away the boobs? It used to take about 30 seconds for her to fall asleep; now we have to go all out. So Anna slept through her dedication. Whatever.
Then I jump in my Mom's van, send the kids home with Dave, we race through the McD's drive-thru and I order a grilled chicken sandwich. I chomp happily on it until I reach the middle and realize it isn't cooked all the way inside. How is this even possible? Wasn't it like pressure-cooked and freeze-dried in 2003? No time to get anything else: my Mom and I are on a mission. We both need shoes for the wedding, and possibly some other accessories and makeup for my Mom. We both find shoes at the first place we stop (which considering what specific requirements we had, this is like a Mother's Day Miracle!), then we head onto Kohl's to make some other quick purchases. It's a good thing we are quick, because then we swing by Publix and pick up some stuff we need for a big family cookout. 2:45 we are back at her house, cleaning and cooking and cutting and chopping until 6:00, when we finally feed everyone (I think there were at least 25 people?). We don't leave there until 9:00. Both kids fall asleep on the way home. Jonathan transfers from the car and stays asleep. Anna does not. She keeps me up until at least 11:30. I am so exhausted I finally fall asleep before she does. Who knows, maybe she got up and went and did some paperwork, did her nails, caught up on some reading. I am so tired.
We were at the health food store this weekend. I wanted to get some Doctor Kracker flatbreads (so much like birdseed; yet somehow, so good) and also, some probiotics and aloe vera gel for my Mom's stomach. I spotted some homeopathic calming (Translation: sleep!sleep!sleep!)tablets for children with Curious George on the front. I snatched them up and said, oh we have got to get these! Dave said, What's in them? To which I replied, Do we care? He chuckled, and I was like, I am not kidding and threw them in the cart. Well the "monkey pills" aren't working. I gave them to her last night and she started running around pretending to be a monkey. So Happy, happy, happy Mother's Day to me. I think God was looking down and thinking, hey, you asked for this, and you got it. You're a Mom, with all the good and all the bad that comes with it.
But I am just soooooo tired. And so whiny. In case you did not notice.
Then I jump in my Mom's van, send the kids home with Dave, we race through the McD's drive-thru and I order a grilled chicken sandwich. I chomp happily on it until I reach the middle and realize it isn't cooked all the way inside. How is this even possible? Wasn't it like pressure-cooked and freeze-dried in 2003? No time to get anything else: my Mom and I are on a mission. We both need shoes for the wedding, and possibly some other accessories and makeup for my Mom. We both find shoes at the first place we stop (which considering what specific requirements we had, this is like a Mother's Day Miracle!), then we head onto Kohl's to make some other quick purchases. It's a good thing we are quick, because then we swing by Publix and pick up some stuff we need for a big family cookout. 2:45 we are back at her house, cleaning and cooking and cutting and chopping until 6:00, when we finally feed everyone (I think there were at least 25 people?). We don't leave there until 9:00. Both kids fall asleep on the way home. Jonathan transfers from the car and stays asleep. Anna does not. She keeps me up until at least 11:30. I am so exhausted I finally fall asleep before she does. Who knows, maybe she got up and went and did some paperwork, did her nails, caught up on some reading. I am so tired.
We were at the health food store this weekend. I wanted to get some Doctor Kracker flatbreads (so much like birdseed; yet somehow, so good) and also, some probiotics and aloe vera gel for my Mom's stomach. I spotted some homeopathic calming (Translation: sleep!sleep!sleep!)tablets for children with Curious George on the front. I snatched them up and said, oh we have got to get these! Dave said, What's in them? To which I replied, Do we care? He chuckled, and I was like, I am not kidding and threw them in the cart. Well the "monkey pills" aren't working. I gave them to her last night and she started running around pretending to be a monkey. So Happy, happy, happy Mother's Day to me. I think God was looking down and thinking, hey, you asked for this, and you got it. You're a Mom, with all the good and all the bad that comes with it.
But I am just soooooo tired. And so whiny. In case you did not notice.
Pump-It-Up Play
Left: Jonathan looking cute Right: Daddy checking Jon's foot
At left: Me carrying T. up the stairs to the slide.
Dave and I took the kids and our nephew Trystan to Pump-It-Up play on Friday. Jonathan calls it Pump a Dump. We love this place! For an hour and a half, adults and kids can play on all of this great inflatable stuff, like a huge slide, The Gauntlet (an obstacle course type thing with short slides, rock-climbing walls, etc.) and bounce in big bounce houses. We love it because it is cheaper than a movie, because Dave and I don't have to pay for ourselves but we have just as much fun as the kids. Not to mention, it is awesome exercise! We never spend that long at the gym. I mean who could stay on the elliptical for 90 minutes? Some sort of lunatic.
Trystan had never been, and he was a little hesitant (okay, pretty much terrified!) at first. So I carried him up the ladder to the big slide, and he went down all by himself! Then he was addicted, he wanted to do the slide over and over and over again. Next came the gauntlet. You have to crawl into it and it looks kind of dark inside. So I basically pushed him through the whole thing the first time, but then he was SO proud of himself. "I not scared anymore Aunt Jamie!" He was so sweet. He thanked me for taking him and when he was leaving our house he said "I had fun at that place." We left a little early because Jonathan had a minor injury (he jumped and sort of sprained something in his foot; he still has some issues with his feet and legs and jumping without shoes is not the best thing for him).
So this is our new favorite thing to do, it has replaced even the zoo.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Sticker Charts
Anna just got her hair done and teeth brushed and was putting up the stickers she earned!I started sticker charts for Anna and Jon this past week and have been very pleased with the results so far! Their daily chores/tasks are:
AM
Brush teeth
Brush hair (For Jon, this involves spraying his crazy bedhead down and combing; For Anna, this is not only brushing, but putting up)
PM
Pick up toys/ put clothes in hamper
Get Clean (Bath)
Brush teeth
Be HAPPY! (This was already on the chart; I don't think anyone can [or should]be required to be happy.)
So I am really only requiring the basics here; most of this stuff they have to do anyways, like brushing their teeth. It is just that it seems to be a more positive motivator for them (and me) then my nagging, (or on a bad day, yelling and making empty threats). At the end of the week, if their entire sticker chart is full, they get a small toy. We'll see how long this lasts!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The Cuban Sandwich Express
I just had the most fantastic sandwich today! A Chicken Cuban from Cuban Sandwich Express. Like a regular Cuban, except for it had grilled chicken breast instead of pork. Like a regular Cuban, except better than any I've ever had. So fabulously delish! They give you a little tub of hot sauce (like buffalo sauce) with it. SO GOOD! And a "small" is only $5.25 and I think it is big enough to feed two people. They also had lots of other yummy sounding stuff on the menu.
It is next to the tailors who are altering my dress. A friend from church gave me a (GORGEOUS) dress for practically free and I am getting it altered, for the length and for the fit. I had to go last night to buy a girdle (utterly humilating and Weight Watchers inducing) and a bra because to quote the tailor, "That bra is doing NOTHING for your breasts! We need you to get something that brings everything in and UP!"
So then I went back with my undergarments of steel on, and tried the dress on for them again. They still were not pleased! Like a millimeter of bra showed in the back of my dress. So now I am going to Sears to get a bustier with an attached, strapless, low back bra. Anyways, how did I get on the subject of my breasts again? This was supposed to be about a Cuban sandwich. So if you are in the area, RUN, don't walk to the Cuban Sandwich Express on Wickham.
PS I just got the irony: I went and tried on a dress with a girdle on (and Spanx!) and then went and ate a huge Cuban sandwich. Later I accidentally flashed my brother Jason because I was picking bread crumbs (from the sandwich) out of my bra. (AGAIN with the boobs! bra! Why can't I stop??)
He was like, Uh, you might have an eating problem if ....
It is next to the tailors who are altering my dress. A friend from church gave me a (GORGEOUS) dress for practically free and I am getting it altered, for the length and for the fit. I had to go last night to buy a girdle (utterly humilating and Weight Watchers inducing) and a bra because to quote the tailor, "That bra is doing NOTHING for your breasts! We need you to get something that brings everything in and UP!"
So then I went back with my undergarments of steel on, and tried the dress on for them again. They still were not pleased! Like a millimeter of bra showed in the back of my dress. So now I am going to Sears to get a bustier with an attached, strapless, low back bra. Anyways, how did I get on the subject of my breasts again? This was supposed to be about a Cuban sandwich. So if you are in the area, RUN, don't walk to the Cuban Sandwich Express on Wickham.
PS I just got the irony: I went and tried on a dress with a girdle on (and Spanx!) and then went and ate a huge Cuban sandwich. Later I accidentally flashed my brother Jason because I was picking bread crumbs (from the sandwich) out of my bra. (AGAIN with the boobs! bra! Why can't I stop??)
He was like, Uh, you might have an eating problem if ....
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
What's Going On
I started my day off by dumping a freshly brewed 16 ounce mug of chai tea on my bed. I soaked the pillow, the mattress pad, down to the waterproof mattress cover. I forgot to strip the bed until later and when I sniffed the sheets, they smelled really... good, like some sort of spicy sweet candle. It's a good thing it wasn't coffee with milk. I am in my 70th hour without coffee. I had a terrible headache Monday night, Tuesday day and night, and oh, yes, let's see, Wednesday (today) also. I have been having some caffeine still, just from tea, and I did have one Diet Mountain Dew yesterday. I also have not had any alcohol since last Monday night. After my many drinks in Raleigh I decided to take a break. I am downing fruits and veggies and having strange cravings, such as oatmeal, or yogurt. I have been taking vitamins, which I never, ever do. What's going on, you ask? I really have no idea.
I went to my therapist on Monday and we were talking about the sleeping situation. Now instead of just co-sleeping with Anna in Dave and I's bed, we have started a new trend. Jonathan and I sleep on the air matress in Anna's (never been used) bedroom, and Dave and Anna are sleeping in Dave and I's (Dave and I's? Me's? That doesn't seem right?) bed. I told my therapist, I know it's not the best solution. And she said, no, actually it's a terrible solution. And I thought, yes, it really is both terrible and ridiculous. So I am proud to say that last night for the first time EVER, Anna and Jonathan slept together on the air mattress and Dave and I got to sleep together in our own bed! My ultimate goal (and this is gonna sound really crazy) is that we utilize all three of the bedrooms at the same time.
I went to my therapist on Monday and we were talking about the sleeping situation. Now instead of just co-sleeping with Anna in Dave and I's bed, we have started a new trend. Jonathan and I sleep on the air matress in Anna's (never been used) bedroom, and Dave and Anna are sleeping in Dave and I's (Dave and I's? Me's? That doesn't seem right?) bed. I told my therapist, I know it's not the best solution. And she said, no, actually it's a terrible solution. And I thought, yes, it really is both terrible and ridiculous. So I am proud to say that last night for the first time EVER, Anna and Jonathan slept together on the air mattress and Dave and I got to sleep together in our own bed! My ultimate goal (and this is gonna sound really crazy) is that we utilize all three of the bedrooms at the same time.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Update
Anna has officially been weaned! We have had success! She went through her booby milk detox successfully (and more notably, I think, so did I) and is now in her fifth day of "rehab." I have not caved! She has replaced me with Dora the Explorer. When she goes to sleep at night, she has to have Dora on. When she wakes up crying for nay-nay, she can be consoled with Dora. It distracts her just enough so she can eventually calm down.
She has developed a new way to keep me awake though. When it's 2:30 in the morning, she wants Dora, and she wants me to watch Dora with her. When I drift off to sleep, she actually pries my eyes open with her fingers, and says, Mama! You not watching Dodo with me!!!!!
This is insanely annoying. Dora is obnoxious even on a full night's sleep, but at 2:30 in the morning, she is positively unbearable. I have had some very dark thoughts about her. (Dora and Anna, to tell you the truth.)
So the past week has been an adventure. I had the MOST fantastic time ever in North Carolina. I don't think I have laughed so much in my entire life. Like laugh so hard your face hurts, your have side stiches, and you lose control of your bladder!!!! That kind of laughing. I so needed some time with my BFF. It was the perfect place for me to run away to. We did some major bonding! When I came home, Anna sort of just fell into my arms and immediately asked for nay-nay. This was sort of heartbreaking! But I think the whole weaning process has been good for all of us. I have actually gotten some solid stretches of sleep this week. I am feeling ever so slightly more sane.
And my worst fears did not come true. I had heard horror stories about what can happen to your breasts upon weaning, and I am relieved that mine look pretty much the same as they did before. (Pretty darn awesome! No, I am just kidding!)
My other concern was a little less rational. I was sure that Anna was going to reject me as her mother and simply refuse to speak to me when I came back home. Of course, this has proven to be a ridiculous fear. We have a great relationship that is based on lots of other stuff beside breastfeeding. Like building Potato Heads and playing Candyland, painting with watercolors, going to the playground, picking flowers, reading book after book after book, lots and lots of other stuff.
She has developed a new way to keep me awake though. When it's 2:30 in the morning, she wants Dora, and she wants me to watch Dora with her. When I drift off to sleep, she actually pries my eyes open with her fingers, and says, Mama! You not watching Dodo with me!!!!!
This is insanely annoying. Dora is obnoxious even on a full night's sleep, but at 2:30 in the morning, she is positively unbearable. I have had some very dark thoughts about her. (Dora and Anna, to tell you the truth.)
So the past week has been an adventure. I had the MOST fantastic time ever in North Carolina. I don't think I have laughed so much in my entire life. Like laugh so hard your face hurts, your have side stiches, and you lose control of your bladder!!!! That kind of laughing. I so needed some time with my BFF. It was the perfect place for me to run away to. We did some major bonding! When I came home, Anna sort of just fell into my arms and immediately asked for nay-nay. This was sort of heartbreaking! But I think the whole weaning process has been good for all of us. I have actually gotten some solid stretches of sleep this week. I am feeling ever so slightly more sane.
And my worst fears did not come true. I had heard horror stories about what can happen to your breasts upon weaning, and I am relieved that mine look pretty much the same as they did before. (Pretty darn awesome! No, I am just kidding!)
My other concern was a little less rational. I was sure that Anna was going to reject me as her mother and simply refuse to speak to me when I came back home. Of course, this has proven to be a ridiculous fear. We have a great relationship that is based on lots of other stuff beside breastfeeding. Like building Potato Heads and playing Candyland, painting with watercolors, going to the playground, picking flowers, reading book after book after book, lots and lots of other stuff.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
"We don't do that in this family"..., or Stuff I Wish I Didn't Have to Say
At my MOPS group this morning, one of the speakers said that the worst thing about being a mother is how sick you get of hearing your own voice. How true! Sometimes I feel like I say the same things all of the time, and most of the time they are things that should not even have to be said, like No, you may not wipe your booger on my shirt! Or, I'll be there in a minute to wipe your butt! Or, If you really have to pick your nose, go in the bathroom! More of my catch phrases: We don't say those words, spit food out on the table, hit/slap/bite/kick each other, stick stuff in each other's noses and/or ears.................
I am constantly trying to instill this sense of family identity or pride or unity or something, to somehow motivate my kids to act like young humans, rather than oranguatans. As in, when Jonathan says last night in a proud and gleeful tone, look, Mama, I can stick my finger up my butt!
To which I say in a weary and, yes, self-righteous tone, We don't stick our fingers up our butts. Go wash your hands.
Thirty seconds later, Anna squats down and very intentionally pees on the floor. My response: Anna, stop peeing on the floor! We don't do that in our family!
A hundred times a day I say things like this. Things I wish I did not have to say. Things that should be obvious. But sometimes there are influences beyond my control. For example, the reason Anna suddenly wanted to pee on the floor was that she had witnessed a giraffe taking a giant leak at the zoo earlier that day. She thought it was completely hysterical, which, to be honest, it really was pretty funny. My kids may act like animals most of the time; mothering may seem like a constant battle to tame my children, but there are moments that give me hope. Like today at MOPS, when I picked up Jonathan from his class, all of his teachers were just praising him, about how sweet he is, how well-mannered, how bright, what a wonderful singing voice he has, how good he is at sharing, how sweet he is to his sister.......
So I smile demurely in response, and say thank you to them, as if I am pleased, but not really suprised. Inwardly, I am thinking, really??? This nose-picking, butt-exploring, fit throwing little beast????
I guess I myself maintain better composure and display better manners in public then I do in my own home (or say, at my BFF Lara's house; her husband witnessed some VERY classy behavior on my part this past weekend). I guess the best I can hope for with a two and a four year old is that they act like angels at preschool and apes at home.
I am constantly trying to instill this sense of family identity or pride or unity or something, to somehow motivate my kids to act like young humans, rather than oranguatans. As in, when Jonathan says last night in a proud and gleeful tone, look, Mama, I can stick my finger up my butt!
To which I say in a weary and, yes, self-righteous tone, We don't stick our fingers up our butts. Go wash your hands.
Thirty seconds later, Anna squats down and very intentionally pees on the floor. My response: Anna, stop peeing on the floor! We don't do that in our family!
A hundred times a day I say things like this. Things I wish I did not have to say. Things that should be obvious. But sometimes there are influences beyond my control. For example, the reason Anna suddenly wanted to pee on the floor was that she had witnessed a giraffe taking a giant leak at the zoo earlier that day. She thought it was completely hysterical, which, to be honest, it really was pretty funny. My kids may act like animals most of the time; mothering may seem like a constant battle to tame my children, but there are moments that give me hope. Like today at MOPS, when I picked up Jonathan from his class, all of his teachers were just praising him, about how sweet he is, how well-mannered, how bright, what a wonderful singing voice he has, how good he is at sharing, how sweet he is to his sister.......
So I smile demurely in response, and say thank you to them, as if I am pleased, but not really suprised. Inwardly, I am thinking, really??? This nose-picking, butt-exploring, fit throwing little beast????
I guess I myself maintain better composure and display better manners in public then I do in my own home (or say, at my BFF Lara's house; her husband witnessed some VERY classy behavior on my part this past weekend). I guess the best I can hope for with a two and a four year old is that they act like angels at preschool and apes at home.
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