I am thinking about running away from home. Seriously. I am hoping my BFF in NC will take me in for a few days. Dave is encouraging me to go. In a nice way, not like get the H! out of here. I really need a break. I am on the verge of a breakdown. I have never had one before, but I think one might be approaching. I know it's hard to tell my tone from this post, but I am not entirely kidding.
Why am I so stressed? I have not slept one decent night in 2 years and 4 months. Even the few nights I have been away from Anna, I wake up constantly. I don't even think I know how to sleep anymore. I have loved, loved, loved nursing Anna, but the time has come for it to stop. But I honestly don't know how to go about this. My doctor told me in January: You need to wean her. The rheumatoligist told me last month: You need to wean her. The regular dentist said the same thing, and now the pediatric dentist I took her to on Friday told me that I need to wean her. He was VERY strong about it. He said he would not treat her teeth until I wean her. He gave me one month to do it. He showed me awful pictures of what her teeth may eventually look like if we don't get this under control. Has anyone seen the Seinfeld episode that involves the old gym coach from Jerry and George's school? Where they talk about his nasty "baked bean" teeth?
I also need to wean her because of my health problems (the fibromylagia). I need to be on better medication and I need to be able to sleep better. I am miserable. I am tired. I know all of this. I need to wean! But I just can't. For one thing, my breasts get massive and engorged when I try. I think my hormones get messed up because I feel very weepy and evil.
Anna is now a toddler, and she is completely irrational. Had I weaned her at one, she would have been much calmer, and this would have been much less of a power struggle. Must I say this? My mother-in-law was right about this whole nursing thing in a way. I guess I just did not anticipate Anna's teeth, and my health, and her determined little personality when I made the decision to let her determine when she would wean. I never offer them (the boo-boos, which she refers to as right, and roll. Right being the right one, and roll being the left, because we have to roll over) to her, but I almost never refuse (unless we are out in public or something). I was telling my friend Karen that I think I need to join a recovery support group. Hi, my name is Jamie, and I am addicted to nursing.
Dave is looking at flights right now and he is saying, You could go from Friday to Tuesday, it's just a little more. If he were not such a fantastic hubby I would suspect he's trying to get rid of me or something.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
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1 comment:
I will take a vacation with you... I feel the same way these days. We need to go out sometime soon, Girls Night Out!! Love ya :)
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