I am so glad May is over because tomorrow begins my birthday month. June is going to be fun: swim lessons, VBS, and we are going to Tampa for my birthday (to see the aquarium and go on a boat tour). I have always had a thing for marine life. My favorite theme park ever, ever, ever is Sea World. I would rather go there than Disney any day. I hope the Morgans will still speak to me.
I am feeling sort of odd today. I left Dave and the kids at home and stayed the night at my Mom's house to take care of her dogs. My stepdad is in the hospital (it's prostate related) and is really very sick. I brought my scrapbooking stuff and worked on some layouts late into the night. I thought I will finally get some sleep, but the little shi tzus kept me awake, and then woke me up bright and early (o'dark thirty as my Dad would say). I really am not as fond as dogs as I used to be. Maybe if my mom had pet dolphins or sea turtles I would be more tolerant.
Anyways, I really just feel disconnected from life today. Like I am half here or something. I guess I have been really sick lately, a bad sinus infection, then a fever that led to a chest x-ray and a diagnosis of bronchitis, a second round of antibiotics, and then I had a bladder infection for well over a week, including my trip to DC for my brother's wedding. Add my monthly cycle onto that (Chris, do you really read this????) and my normal 500 aches and pains, and you can imagine that I have been difficult to live with. I have not felt well or slep well for so many months in a row now that I am just getting worn down. I just can't cope with my children. They annoy me so much more than they should. Everyone else seems to think they are so darling.
Dave got a horrible sunburn, blisters and all and for some reason I am taking it very personally, and am convinced that I am a failure as a wife.
My Uncle Jim used to call me Sunshine when he was alive. It was sort of a joke between us, because I have never been very sunny, or shiny. But he loved me anyways, and hopefully other people can tolerate me also. Namely Dave. Poor, poor sunburned Dave with a whiny space cadet as a wife. Sigh. Woe is me, woe is me. There really is not any good way to end this.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Don't Blink
Left: Dave and I, Rollins Main Campus, September 2001. We had just gotten engaged.
Above: Dave and I, Dumbarton House, Cory and Erin's wedding reception, May 2008.
Seven years later, and we are still taking these goofy self-portraits all the time. Dave always holds the camera because he is taller and has longer arms.
At the wedding reception, we danced together for the first time. Isn't that the craziest thing? We were dancing, and Dave said, Wait, have we ever danced together before? And I was like, no, I don't think we have.
It was about time, don't you think????????
Recovery
I have started attending a recovery Bible study at my church. The first night when I walked in, someone who knows me fairly well, walked up to me and said, What are you doing here?
I had been thinking the same thing about half the people in the room. This is how we isolate ourselves from each other, by assuming the best about everyone else, and the worst about ourselves. We assume that we can't reach out because no one else would be able to relate, and worse yet, they would judge us and we would lose face.
When I told my friend that I was headed out to my recovery meeting (LARALARALARA), she said, what are you recovering from, life?
I just thought this was the funniest thing. Because it is so true. I keep laughing about it today.
Last night, after a very intense meeting, I got in the car with a friend that is going with me, and I said, (jokingly, of course) Man, I think I need a drink.
Is this not like the most inappropriate joke possible to make after one of these meetings? I am really an awful person.
I had been thinking the same thing about half the people in the room. This is how we isolate ourselves from each other, by assuming the best about everyone else, and the worst about ourselves. We assume that we can't reach out because no one else would be able to relate, and worse yet, they would judge us and we would lose face.
When I told my friend that I was headed out to my recovery meeting (LARALARALARA), she said, what are you recovering from, life?
I just thought this was the funniest thing. Because it is so true. I keep laughing about it today.
Last night, after a very intense meeting, I got in the car with a friend that is going with me, and I said, (jokingly, of course) Man, I think I need a drink.
Is this not like the most inappropriate joke possible to make after one of these meetings? I am really an awful person.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
"Magic" Marker
Our flight home from my brother's wedding was uneventful until we got to the gate. I was in a gift shop with Anna and I had just thought to myself, Wow! What an easy airport trip we had! Reagan National was almost empty. Getting there was easy, as was dropping off the rental and taking the shuttle to the terminal. Checking our luggage, going through security, finding the gate, all super smooth. Then my phone rang. Dave's on the other end: "We've got a big problem!" Now, for those of you who don't know/fully understand Dave, if he says it's a big problem, then it is a big problem. Not like when I say it's a big problem, and it is just something like, I left my trial size shampoo in the hotel shower! Like, Omigosh!
So, the big problem is this:
We* left the keys in the rental van and since we* had attached the keys to our car (which was parked in the Blue satellite parking in Orlando) and our house key also to the rental van keys, this was definitely a big problem. Especially since we* had left the other set of keys in our house for safekeeping. *Dave
I rush back to the gate and Dave takes off to retrace our journey from Budget rental to the gate. I immediately lug the two carryons, the two carseats, the two children (well, they actually walk) back to the gift shop because Jon has to have whatever I just bought Anna (except for a Transformers version, not Dora, of course). Next I take them to the bathroom, where I have to negotiate with Jonathan, please, please just try to pee, buddy it's okay if you don't have to, Mama just needs you to try, and then bite my tongue (See, I told you you had to go!!!) when he finally gives in and takes a long and giant whiz. Anna giggles hysterically and tries to catch his pee midstream. From the outside of the bathroom stall, I sound completely OCD and minorly hysterical as I shriek at them to STOP-IT-DON"T-TOUCH-ANYTHING-EVERYTHING-IS-CACA-ESPECIALLYTHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!. The people who are listening to me should know this: I really am minorly OCD and completely hysterical and my nerves are completely frayed and if one person even dares to look at me judgementally I may just SNAP.
Okay, so we get back to the gate safely, partially only because Jonathan is coralling Anna like a sheep dog. A sheep dog. That might not be a bad idea, maybe I could get one. My old neighbors had to get rid of their Australian shepherd because it was constantly herding their children and biting at their ankles. Hmmm....
Anyways, so I then have to board the kids by myself. As I am struggling to get on the plane, the flight attendant tells me, uh, I really am going to need your child to wear her shoes on the plane. We don't want her to hurt her princess feet, do we? Do we (this said in the tone people normally reserve for puppies)? I try to keep my expression neutral as I unload all of the myriad CRAP I am carrying on myself, saddlebag style, sort of like a camel. A horse would be too graceful. I try not to silently curse her under my breath as I cram Anna's little feet into her purple Crocs, which of course I wanted her to wear. What kind of mother do I look like here? Can't they tell I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN???? I had fought with her all weekend about her shoes, including at the wedding, where she walked down the aisle barefoot instead of in her perfect white patent leather Mary Jane Stride Rites with the cutest little anklet socks ever. The whole time I am trying to get them both on the plane, carseat installed, luggage stowed overhead (excuse me, pardon me, I am sorry (as I slam the booster seat into someone's head), no, Anna, JON, get out of there, those aren't our seats, that's first class) Jonathan is tearful and worried about his Daddy. He is so worried, how will Daddy be able to find us, Mama? What if he does not get here in time?
Dave comes running on the plane, carrying his boots (why wasn't the flight attendant worried about his princely feet?), with the keys (thank goodness, everyone we know and would ask to come get us from the airport is still in DC) and drenched in sweat. Poor guy. The people at Budget apparently had no idea or no way to locate which rental was ours. They sure make it look official, the way they scanned the barcode on the van when we brought it back. You would think this scanning of the barcode would represent some sort of, I don't know, tracking system? So Dave had to locate the van himself, and race back to the shuttle, back through security.
I get the kids new markers and activity books out. I buy stuff like this because of a false sense of hope I have that it will keep them occupied, which it does, but not $7 dollars worth of occupied. While we are taking off, Jonathan's marker slides out of his lap and under his seat. He cries, but we reassure him that we will find it when the plane lands. Dave gets super motion sick and is in terrible shape during the plane ride. Jonathan eats his pretzels and, drinks his Cran-Apple, says I am all done, returns his tray to the upright and locked position, and falls asleep. Anna stays up, and starts slapping her ears and crying when we begin our descent. She puts her head in my lap and covers her ear with my hand, and she falls asleep. We land, Dave starts to vomit, (I feel so bad for him!) and I sit with both sleeping kids while everyone else (including Dave) leaves the plane. I get us off the plane, and then Jonathan starts crying about his orange marker! His new orange magic marker! The pilot hears this, and says, what did he lose something? Pretty soon, both of the pilots, all 3 flight attendants and one of the ground crew, are all crawling around on the floor of the plane looking for this kid (who, come on, is pretty overindulged and really does not need this magic marker). The pilot starts to piece the puzzle together: Now wait, when did the marker fall? Was it when we were taking off, or landing? I reply, taking off. Well, then he says, it would have gone to the back of the plane. Princess Shoes Flight Attendant says, wait a minute, was it a red magic marker? To which the pilot replies, any marker anybody finds, let's run it by the kid, ok??? She says, oh, well I found a red magic marker earlier, and I threw it away. She goes and digs through all the trash, produces the red magic marker, which is indeed not even remotely orange. They give it to Jonathan, who decides that it must be magic, since it was orange, and now it is red.
Sigh.
PS We got home safe.
So, the big problem is this:
We* left the keys in the rental van and since we* had attached the keys to our car (which was parked in the Blue satellite parking in Orlando) and our house key also to the rental van keys, this was definitely a big problem. Especially since we* had left the other set of keys in our house for safekeeping. *Dave
I rush back to the gate and Dave takes off to retrace our journey from Budget rental to the gate. I immediately lug the two carryons, the two carseats, the two children (well, they actually walk) back to the gift shop because Jon has to have whatever I just bought Anna (except for a Transformers version, not Dora, of course). Next I take them to the bathroom, where I have to negotiate with Jonathan, please, please just try to pee, buddy it's okay if you don't have to, Mama just needs you to try, and then bite my tongue (See, I told you you had to go!!!) when he finally gives in and takes a long and giant whiz. Anna giggles hysterically and tries to catch his pee midstream. From the outside of the bathroom stall, I sound completely OCD and minorly hysterical as I shriek at them to STOP-IT-DON"T-TOUCH-ANYTHING-EVERYTHING-IS-CACA-ESPECIALLYTHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!. The people who are listening to me should know this: I really am minorly OCD and completely hysterical and my nerves are completely frayed and if one person even dares to look at me judgementally I may just SNAP.
Okay, so we get back to the gate safely, partially only because Jonathan is coralling Anna like a sheep dog. A sheep dog. That might not be a bad idea, maybe I could get one. My old neighbors had to get rid of their Australian shepherd because it was constantly herding their children and biting at their ankles. Hmmm....
Anyways, so I then have to board the kids by myself. As I am struggling to get on the plane, the flight attendant tells me, uh, I really am going to need your child to wear her shoes on the plane. We don't want her to hurt her princess feet, do we? Do we (this said in the tone people normally reserve for puppies)? I try to keep my expression neutral as I unload all of the myriad CRAP I am carrying on myself, saddlebag style, sort of like a camel. A horse would be too graceful. I try not to silently curse her under my breath as I cram Anna's little feet into her purple Crocs, which of course I wanted her to wear. What kind of mother do I look like here? Can't they tell I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN???? I had fought with her all weekend about her shoes, including at the wedding, where she walked down the aisle barefoot instead of in her perfect white patent leather Mary Jane Stride Rites with the cutest little anklet socks ever. The whole time I am trying to get them both on the plane, carseat installed, luggage stowed overhead (excuse me, pardon me, I am sorry (as I slam the booster seat into someone's head), no, Anna, JON, get out of there, those aren't our seats, that's first class) Jonathan is tearful and worried about his Daddy. He is so worried, how will Daddy be able to find us, Mama? What if he does not get here in time?
Dave comes running on the plane, carrying his boots (why wasn't the flight attendant worried about his princely feet?), with the keys (thank goodness, everyone we know and would ask to come get us from the airport is still in DC) and drenched in sweat. Poor guy. The people at Budget apparently had no idea or no way to locate which rental was ours. They sure make it look official, the way they scanned the barcode on the van when we brought it back. You would think this scanning of the barcode would represent some sort of, I don't know, tracking system? So Dave had to locate the van himself, and race back to the shuttle, back through security.
I get the kids new markers and activity books out. I buy stuff like this because of a false sense of hope I have that it will keep them occupied, which it does, but not $7 dollars worth of occupied. While we are taking off, Jonathan's marker slides out of his lap and under his seat. He cries, but we reassure him that we will find it when the plane lands. Dave gets super motion sick and is in terrible shape during the plane ride. Jonathan eats his pretzels and, drinks his Cran-Apple, says I am all done, returns his tray to the upright and locked position, and falls asleep. Anna stays up, and starts slapping her ears and crying when we begin our descent. She puts her head in my lap and covers her ear with my hand, and she falls asleep. We land, Dave starts to vomit, (I feel so bad for him!) and I sit with both sleeping kids while everyone else (including Dave) leaves the plane. I get us off the plane, and then Jonathan starts crying about his orange marker! His new orange magic marker! The pilot hears this, and says, what did he lose something? Pretty soon, both of the pilots, all 3 flight attendants and one of the ground crew, are all crawling around on the floor of the plane looking for this kid (who, come on, is pretty overindulged and really does not need this magic marker). The pilot starts to piece the puzzle together: Now wait, when did the marker fall? Was it when we were taking off, or landing? I reply, taking off. Well, then he says, it would have gone to the back of the plane. Princess Shoes Flight Attendant says, wait a minute, was it a red magic marker? To which the pilot replies, any marker anybody finds, let's run it by the kid, ok??? She says, oh, well I found a red magic marker earlier, and I threw it away. She goes and digs through all the trash, produces the red magic marker, which is indeed not even remotely orange. They give it to Jonathan, who decides that it must be magic, since it was orange, and now it is red.
Sigh.
PS We got home safe.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Almost Gone...
Anna's first pedicure (Man, she has pretty feet! I wonder where she got them from?). I am not really into the whole nail polish on kids but I figured just this one time for the wedding, it's okay. And I saw a crazy Mom at the park one day with a three-month old with hot pink toenails. And product in her hair! So I am better than that Mom at least. I guess? What do you all think?
We are almost ready to leave! Our packing is coming together nicely. I think I have been mentally making lists for months now so it all just needs to be thrown in the suitcases. That's the easy part. Now I have to obsess over whether or not I actually put the right stuff in the suitcases. The one thing I always forget: baby shampoo. And then the kids are screaming and crying with the hotel grade shampoo running in their eyes. But this time, it is good to go! I have Band-Aids, Tylenol, Advil, Alleve, 3 different types of allergy medicines, tweezers, safety pins, bobby pins, and all kinds of other stuff. Two-thirds of all this just in case stuff I pack we probably won't even use. But I might be able to sleep better tonight feeling like I'm a little more prepared. It's all about the illusion of control.
I like to think of myself as a low-maintenence type of girl, but as I laid all of my necessities out on the bed, I realized otherwise. The picture above is just my stuff, not Dave's, Anna's or Jonathan's. Just to give you a little sense of scale, this garment bag is stretched across the width of a queen size bed. There are probably 8-10 different brushes, 5-6 different hair products, 6 different eye makeup products, 6-7 different tubs of Bare Minerals make-up...
Oh, and looking at the picture I just realized what I am missing: my flat iron and curling iron. I am bringing some of this product because I am going to help my Mom with her makeup and hair. So there! I am not really that bad!
Memories
I was leafing through some photo files on our computer this morning trying to find one picture in particular to send to a friend. I spotted this photo of Anna and I had sort of a revelation. I scrapbook and I am always trying to sort through our pictures (we take 1000s!) and find the best one, the cutest one, the most important memory to preserve, what to hold on to, what will I want to remember in 5, 10, 20 years? I had already scrapbooked this perfect Christmas '07 morning, where we went out with the kids and rode their new bikes. But I completely missed this picture of Anna, just skimmed over it like it was not good enough. What did I not like about it? Was it because I couldn't see her face that well? Now, 5 months later, knowing what I know now about Anna's personality and her sheer sassiness and spunk, I would have absolutely put this one in the book. Now that I have watched her grow into that pink gypsy skirt and out of the shirt and shoes she's wearing, I would have absolutely put this one in the book. Scrapbooking is supposed to be my fun hobby, but sometimes I find it stressful, because I am literally editing Dave and I's life together. I am choosing, in many ways, what we will remember and what we will forget. I have already found this to be true with Jonathan's babyhood. Things I thought I would never forget are already a little fuzzy and out of focus, and our albums of him are what I look to when I want to remember.
On my quest to hold on to these moments of Anna and Jonathan's childhood, I guess I am always asking myself, what is most precious, most worthy of remembrance? And this morning, I realized the answer: everything. Everything is precious. Every laugh, every tear, every single moment should be savored because once they are gone you can't get them back and there's no guarantee how many we'll get.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Lavender Vanilla Comfort Chicken
Last night we had some friends from church come over to eat. My kids love their daughter Camryn and baby son Grant and they play really well together. I think Jonathan is sort of crushing a little on Camryn. I asked him if Camryn was his princess the other day and he blushed to the tips of his ears!
I have to admit I was a little nervous because I don't think I have ever hosted anyone but family (and Lara and Jeremy, but I have no sense of pride or pretense with them, so they don't count in this respect). Everything was going smoothly. I had the apple crisp done and on the counter, I had browned all the chicken in a skillet and I had mixed up my homemade barbecue sauce. All I had to do was cut up the onions and celery, fry them in the skilllet, and then pour them and the sauce over the chicken and get it in the oven. So slice and dice, slice and dice. The house is clean (as good as it gets) and everything is on schedule, and by some miracle I don't have a headache (I almost always have a headache lately). Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jon up on a chair holding a bottle of cleaner in his hands. He is saying to himself, Oh, what did you make? He is perched over my bowl of BBQ sauce. Me, not fully grasping the situation for some reason (which, in retrospect, is puzzling, because I normally assume the worst with my kids) tell him to get down. I give him a mini-lecture about how that bottle is full of poison, and we clean with poison, but never around food...
And then I resume what I was doing. A few moments later, he comes in the kitchen, looking all pale, and says, "Mama, I don't think Camryn should eat that chicken."
I immediately start interrogating him, Did you spray the cleaner in the sauce? Did you? You're not in trouble, I just need you to tell me the truth....
He keeps saying, I don't know! I can't REMEMBER!
He is so stressed out, because in his mind, he may have poisoned the chicken, leading to the demise of his Princess Camryn (I don't think he seems concerned in the least about the rest of us), and I think he literally can't remember if he did spray it in the bowl or not!
We all sniff the sauce, and I can't smell one trace of Lavender Vanilla Comfort Febreze Mr. Clean in it, but I decide it is not something I want to risk (not because I am worried about poisoning anyone, it's my own pride in my meal at stake here!) so I dump the sauce and start over.
When I think about what could have happened! Can you imagine serving your guests Febreze scented chicken?
I have to admit I was a little nervous because I don't think I have ever hosted anyone but family (and Lara and Jeremy, but I have no sense of pride or pretense with them, so they don't count in this respect). Everything was going smoothly. I had the apple crisp done and on the counter, I had browned all the chicken in a skillet and I had mixed up my homemade barbecue sauce. All I had to do was cut up the onions and celery, fry them in the skilllet, and then pour them and the sauce over the chicken and get it in the oven. So slice and dice, slice and dice. The house is clean (as good as it gets) and everything is on schedule, and by some miracle I don't have a headache (I almost always have a headache lately). Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jon up on a chair holding a bottle of cleaner in his hands. He is saying to himself, Oh, what did you make? He is perched over my bowl of BBQ sauce. Me, not fully grasping the situation for some reason (which, in retrospect, is puzzling, because I normally assume the worst with my kids) tell him to get down. I give him a mini-lecture about how that bottle is full of poison, and we clean with poison, but never around food...
And then I resume what I was doing. A few moments later, he comes in the kitchen, looking all pale, and says, "Mama, I don't think Camryn should eat that chicken."
I immediately start interrogating him, Did you spray the cleaner in the sauce? Did you? You're not in trouble, I just need you to tell me the truth....
He keeps saying, I don't know! I can't REMEMBER!
He is so stressed out, because in his mind, he may have poisoned the chicken, leading to the demise of his Princess Camryn (I don't think he seems concerned in the least about the rest of us), and I think he literally can't remember if he did spray it in the bowl or not!
We all sniff the sauce, and I can't smell one trace of Lavender Vanilla Comfort Febreze Mr. Clean in it, but I decide it is not something I want to risk (not because I am worried about poisoning anyone, it's my own pride in my meal at stake here!) so I dump the sauce and start over.
When I think about what could have happened! Can you imagine serving your guests Febreze scented chicken?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
10 Simple Pleasures
From Jessica's blog, it was supposed to be five, but I can't decide which five, so here's ten.
1.) Sunday afternoon naps
2.) Reading books with my kids
3.) Diet sodas that aren't terrible tasting (like Diet Mug Cream Soda or Diet Sunkist)
4.) Picking out a new shade of polish for my toes (like this pretty metallic pink coral I just got!)
5.) DVRed The Office reruns
6.) Facebook (Love it!)
7.) Being up before my kids so I can start the day off peacefully (I am pretty cranky in the morning, and we are all so much happier if I can get my bearings before I have to deal with any other human being)
8.) Watching my kids while they sleep
9.) My little purse sized New Testament Bible (Message Translation. It is purple! Love it!)
10.) When Dave makes waffles and I wake up to the sound of the beeping of the waffle iron.
1.) Sunday afternoon naps
2.) Reading books with my kids
3.) Diet sodas that aren't terrible tasting (like Diet Mug Cream Soda or Diet Sunkist)
4.) Picking out a new shade of polish for my toes (like this pretty metallic pink coral I just got!)
5.) DVRed The Office reruns
6.) Facebook (Love it!)
7.) Being up before my kids so I can start the day off peacefully (I am pretty cranky in the morning, and we are all so much happier if I can get my bearings before I have to deal with any other human being)
8.) Watching my kids while they sleep
9.) My little purse sized New Testament Bible (Message Translation. It is purple! Love it!)
10.) When Dave makes waffles and I wake up to the sound of the beeping of the waffle iron.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Jonatha's Comments about E.T.
The whole family sat down to watch E.T (TIVO'd version, luckily, the kids freak out during commercials. I think they think I changed the channel). I figured it would be like most non-cartoon movies and Jonathan and Anna would be tired of it in 15 minutes. I was very wrong. Jonathan and Anna loved the antics of that little alien. I'm trying to remember all of the things that Jonathan said during the movie.
"He likes chocolate?" (while ET ate reeses pieces)
"Aliens don't sleep" (to which I said, "Why not?" and he said "because they wouldn't have any beds up in space" I actually wander if he knew that they'd just float right out of a bed in space)
"How's he do that?" (anytime ET makes things fly)
"He can talk!"
"Is he going to die?"
"He uses manners!" (at the end when ET says "Thank you")
"Why does he have to go home?"
"Can he come back and visit?"
Oh, to have the simple, clear logic of a child (and retain my adult intellect at the same time, obviously).
Dave
"He likes chocolate?" (while ET ate reeses pieces)
"Aliens don't sleep" (to which I said, "Why not?" and he said "because they wouldn't have any beds up in space" I actually wander if he knew that they'd just float right out of a bed in space)
"How's he do that?" (anytime ET makes things fly)
"He can talk!"
"Is he going to die?"
"He uses manners!" (at the end when ET says "Thank you")
"Why does he have to go home?"
"Can he come back and visit?"
Oh, to have the simple, clear logic of a child (and retain my adult intellect at the same time, obviously).
Dave
Friday, May 16, 2008
Boo-Hoo!
I am just crying my eyes out! Dave and I are working on a slideshow for Cory and Erin's wedding and just watching it made me cry. Watching them grow up before my eyes, and thinking about them getting married and all that it means... I am going to have to watch it a 1,000 times before next week so I don't just completely lose it. Get desensitized to it a little bit.
Seeing the pictures are so cute but some of them just make me so sad also, like seeing my Dad and Mom and us all when our family was young and intact. What happens? How do you just lose love and dissolve a family? Can you really? I completely understand why my parents divorced but it is just something that never seems to stop hurting me. I'd rather focus on the bad times because the happy times make me so much more sad.
Dave also made the comment: Can you imagine doing this for our own kids? And that just set me off worse! I was already thinking about pictures of them all dressed up at the wedding and being 2 and 4 and just flashing forward to them growing up and getting married... I mean that's my goal, to have them grow up and away, but I just wonder how? How will I ever let them go? How does a mother bear this? Maybe they are easier to let go as teenagers, but it already is so bittersweet to watch the years pass by. Another day gone, and you can't get it back. Even though I have loved them every minute of their life and some days seem to last forever, I can't believe how fast the past four and half years have gone by. And I wonder, have I loved them enough? Have I showed them the right way to go?
Boo-hoo! I better go research what the most foolproof waterproof mascara is to wear to the wedding.
Seeing the pictures are so cute but some of them just make me so sad also, like seeing my Dad and Mom and us all when our family was young and intact. What happens? How do you just lose love and dissolve a family? Can you really? I completely understand why my parents divorced but it is just something that never seems to stop hurting me. I'd rather focus on the bad times because the happy times make me so much more sad.
Dave also made the comment: Can you imagine doing this for our own kids? And that just set me off worse! I was already thinking about pictures of them all dressed up at the wedding and being 2 and 4 and just flashing forward to them growing up and getting married... I mean that's my goal, to have them grow up and away, but I just wonder how? How will I ever let them go? How does a mother bear this? Maybe they are easier to let go as teenagers, but it already is so bittersweet to watch the years pass by. Another day gone, and you can't get it back. Even though I have loved them every minute of their life and some days seem to last forever, I can't believe how fast the past four and half years have gone by. And I wonder, have I loved them enough? Have I showed them the right way to go?
Boo-hoo! I better go research what the most foolproof waterproof mascara is to wear to the wedding.
Today's Agenda
6:00 AM Wake up and watch Dora on the couch with Anna, who went to sleep at 9:00 (I went to sleep at midnight, so this was not actually on my agenda)
9:00 AM Fingerpainting (I actually had to write this in on my calender to make time for it this week! The kids just got them and they have been begging to use them, and we have to do them while Daddy's at work so he doesn't have a mini stroke or something. Seriously, he's an awesome Daddy but stuff like fingerpaints almost send over the edge.)
11:00 AM Dave comes home; we go to pick up my dress! Please, God let it fit and minimize the fatness! Eat lunch!
12 PM Go to the county to get Jonathan's VPK Certificate of Elgibility. He's so official now! I have to bring his birth certificate and social security card. This reminds me that he will go to Kindegarten next fall (sob!)
1 PM Attempt to go shopping for some dress shirts/ties/slacks/dress socks for Dave and Jonathan. Realize the kids are turning beastly on us and retreat home.
2 PM Drop kids and Dave (poor Dave) back at house and go tutor a homeschooled for an hour. One of the major highlights of my week! We are finishing up a unit on The Outsiders. Yay, Language Arts!
4:30 Therapy for me!
6:00 Back home to make pancakes and bacon for breakfast for dinner(Lara taught me this; Plus she taught me to use Krusteaz buttermilk mix and to add cinnamon and vanilla to the batter to make them French Toast Pancakes. Mmmmmm........)
7-12 AM Playtime, clean-up time, bath time, bed time. Hopefully Dave and I can watch our DVRd The Office from last night. Toby's leaving??? If Jim or Pam leaves or break up I don't know what I am going to do. Also, hopefully we can work on our PhotoShow for the wedding some tonight. I never knew how INSANELY cute my soon-to-be sister-in-law was as a child! Just looking at the photos of my brother and her as babies and kids makes me choke up. Anyone recommend a truly waterproof mascara for the wedding?
9:00 AM Fingerpainting (I actually had to write this in on my calender to make time for it this week! The kids just got them and they have been begging to use them, and we have to do them while Daddy's at work so he doesn't have a mini stroke or something. Seriously, he's an awesome Daddy but stuff like fingerpaints almost send over the edge.)
11:00 AM Dave comes home; we go to pick up my dress! Please, God let it fit and minimize the fatness! Eat lunch!
12 PM Go to the county to get Jonathan's VPK Certificate of Elgibility. He's so official now! I have to bring his birth certificate and social security card. This reminds me that he will go to Kindegarten next fall (sob!)
1 PM Attempt to go shopping for some dress shirts/ties/slacks/dress socks for Dave and Jonathan. Realize the kids are turning beastly on us and retreat home.
2 PM Drop kids and Dave (poor Dave) back at house and go tutor a homeschooled for an hour. One of the major highlights of my week! We are finishing up a unit on The Outsiders. Yay, Language Arts!
4:30 Therapy for me!
6:00 Back home to make pancakes and bacon for breakfast for dinner(Lara taught me this; Plus she taught me to use Krusteaz buttermilk mix and to add cinnamon and vanilla to the batter to make them French Toast Pancakes. Mmmmmm........)
7-12 AM Playtime, clean-up time, bath time, bed time. Hopefully Dave and I can watch our DVRd The Office from last night. Toby's leaving??? If Jim or Pam leaves or break up I don't know what I am going to do. Also, hopefully we can work on our PhotoShow for the wedding some tonight. I never knew how INSANELY cute my soon-to-be sister-in-law was as a child! Just looking at the photos of my brother and her as babies and kids makes me choke up. Anyone recommend a truly waterproof mascara for the wedding?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
