10 Things About Thursday

1.) I took the whole Martha sermon to heart this week. (Go to http://www.findhopehere.com/ if you want to listen to the sermon.)
I have been VERY guilty of being a Martha this month, not only with God, but with my family. I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off (as my Mom would say) trying to get everything done, and trying to manage our household. But I have neglected more important stuff, and the sermon on Sunday was a much-needed reminder of what I should make time to focus on. So today, instead of trying to get anything done, I took Anna to the library instead. I offered several different places, the library, the beach, the park. But she chose the library. We checked out books and videos, and we played a Dora computer game together. We looked at the beautiful view of the river and the causeway from the Eau Gallie Library. We attended Story Hour. The librarian read three different storybooks, all about Christmas. We sang songs and did a craft. I realized as I sat there, how good it was to just sit and be in one moment, to focus on one thing. I think they need to invent preschool for adults. I think we could all benefit from having a story read to us in a slow and upbeat manner! I actually listened to the stories, and Anna and I have been discussing them and laughing about them all day long. That hour and a half I invested in her this morning seems to have paid off. Her behavior has been much better. I think she was crying out for attention by acting very immature. I really have been absent lately. I have been spread thin and even when I am present at home, I have been absent. I'm just not there with Dave and the kids. I think I tend to cope this way sometimes. Just by spacing out and sort of withdrawing a little bit. I know I always did this as a kid when things were hard to deal with. So I am really making an effort to be more present with my family. And here's the funny thing: I still got all my errands and to-dos done today!
2.) Anna said something cute at dinner today! Well, she says something cute at dinner every night, but I thought this was extra cute. She said, Mrs. Hoffman lives in two places!
Mrs. Hoffmann is Jonathan's Pre-K teacher, but Anna has sort of adopted her as her own. What she meant by this, is that the kids think she lives at school (does anyone remember thinking this as a child? And then when you saw your teacher at the grocery store you were just shocked?). But the other place Mrs. Hoffmann lives is the Webkinz store (a local gift shop that sells Webkinz). They are always so thrilled to see her in there.
3.) I am making plans for Anna's birthday on Monday. We are just having family over for her traditional Mexican dinner and cake. On her first birthday, my sister-in-law Erin's parents were spending Christmas down here, and Marty made her famous chicken enchiladas. Erin made guacamole. On her second birthday, I also made chicken enchiladas! So why ruin a good thing? I am so happy that my brother and his wife Erin will be here for Christmas this year. Which also means they will be here for Anna's birthday. Anna is having a Dora themed party, and she has requested a pinata. And since that was SO MUCH FUN at Jonathan's party, I thought, why not! And since it is a Mexican dinner with Dora the Explorer as the theme, a pinata just makes sense.
Anyways, Amanda is going to let me borrow lots of her cake decorating supplies and I am going to make Anna a cake. I was going to make a pattern from a Dora paper plate, ice the outline of the pattern, stamp that on the cake, and then outline and fill in Dora on the cake. But instead, I opted for sanity. I bought a fancy Dora figurine at Toys R' Us tonight, and returned all of the complicated Dora-specific gel colors for the icing. I am still going to decorate the cake, I am just going to avoid making myself crazy in the process. I know it probably won't live up to my Spongebob Squarepants cake, but let's face it, I almost drove myself nuts with that one. And this close to Christmas, I am already 1/2 way there anyways, so I don't need anything to push me over the edge. I have something very cute in mind for her cake. Expect pictures of her cake and party soon! (I can't believe my baby girl is turning 3!!!)
4.) I sold some stuff tonight at one of those gold parties. You know, where you bring all of your unwanted or broken gold, silver or platinum and they weigh it and offer you a sum for it? I was pleasantly surprised at how much cash I will get. And I got rid of all of the ex-boyfriend jewelery I had left, including a platinum ring and some small diamond earrings. That was like 14 years worth of ex-boyfriend jewelery! I wish I had kept more of it. I sort of gave a lot of it away over the year. Gave it away to the trashcan or to people. Either way, wish I had kept it. Never knew gold parties were going to become a thing. Actually, I still wear one thing that an ex gave me. My first boyfriend, Barry, from ninth grade gave me a bracelet that I have been wearing almost all the time for the past 14 years. It almost broke once when I was at the beach petting a giant dog and he was licking my hand and got his tooth stuck in one of the links. I can still see where the link is bent but it did not break. I sort of have a sentimental attachment to this bracelet. But not to the boyfriend.
5.) Tomorrow is the last day of school! Then we will be on Christmas break. I think the kids and I need a break from preschool for awhile. I seem to be getting them there progressively later each week. This morning, it was an alarm clock malfunction: I set it to go off at 7 PM instead of 7 AM. Anyone could make this mistake, right? The shameful thing is just how MANY times I have done this over the years.
6.) I was very happy to meet Amanda and Mikey for lunch today. My kids were well-behaved during lunch, so that made it even better. And I got my favorite thing ever: creamy tomato soup with Asiago cheese croutons.
7.) Anna was asleep when we got home. I accidentally fell asleep next to her. But my sweet Jonathan just played quietly. He is such a good boy. He only woke me up when he had to go "poop and he needed me to wipe his butt." Last week we had a breakthrough, and he actually wiped his own bum for the first time (yes, yes, he is FIVE years old). But now we are back to our old routine. He is so finicky about getting his hands dirty. Even when I make him wipe his own bum, he always asks me to follow up with Wet Wipes. He likes to be REALLY clean. This would be a good question to send into a parenting expert: Why won't my 5-year old wipe himself? I already know what the answer is: Because you wipe it for him!
8.) Dave got home early from work. We made bacon pasta together, and it was delicious! I love cooking with Dave. He is like my sous-chef, my prep cook, and my dishwasher too. I really don't know how I got so lucky.
9.) The kids have their Christmas parties at school tomorrow. I offered to bring something, and was assigned finger food. Does anyone know what finger foods are for preschoolers? I mean we aren't talking shrimp cocktail or mini quiches. Would a bag of Cheese Doodles make me seem like I just don't care, or would that be appropriate? I have really been puzzling over this. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning so Dave will be the one attending the party, since it is his off Friday. He said to just let him take care of it. I think that will be better because if a Daddy commits a preschool faux pas, it just seems expected or maybe even a little endearing. But if a Mommy does not know what she is doing, then we've got a problem.
10.) Jonathan used a gift card from Nana Jo to get an awesome Bat Cave he has been wanting. We were playing with it this evening and I commented that it is like a boy version of a dollhouse. Dave was indignant, saying That's insulting! It's NOT a dollhouse. And Jonathan glared at me and said, It's a Bat Cave, Mama! The Bat Cave came with a Batman and a Robin, which the kids have been fighting over all evening. Right now Anna is crying hysterically, saying But I WANT TO BE BATMAN! I heard Dave say to her, Well, everybody wants to be Batman, Anna!

Scattergories

Use the first letter of your name to come up with answers to the questions. If your name happens to start with the same letter as mine, you have to come up with different answers!
1.)What is your name?
Jamie
2.) A 4-letter word:
jest
3.) A boy's name:
Jonathan
4.) A girl's name:
Justine
5.) An occupation:
Jeweler
6.) A color:
jet-black
7.) Something you wear:
jeans
8.) A beverage:
julep
9.) A food:
jelly
10.) Something found in the bathroom:
junk
11.) A place:
Jacksonville
12.) A reason for being late:
jam (as in traffic)
13.) Something you shout:
JON-A-THAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS Thanks for the idea, Jessica Jones!

Par-tay at the Doo-lays!

We had a Christmas Cookie Exchange/Open House at our home the other night. New Hope Church had one Christmas party in four locations, and we were one of the four locations.

We had a lot of fun! We had lots of tiny tots as guests (and we all know that they are the most fun people around!) and lots of delicious cookies were enjoyed by all (let's just say, my Weight Watchers plan did not go very well this weekend!). So to sum up: lots of fun had by fun people eating delicious cookies.

Saturday

Today I overheard Jonathan say, with great exasperation, "When you clean everything up, Mama, I can't FIND ANYTHING!"
I have been doing some major cleaning the past few days and have been trying to de-clutter the house. I just reached a point where I felt like I was drowning in stuff and had to do a major purge. Do you ever get to that place where all of your stuff is making you feel claustrophobic?? And I had lost my diamond engagement ring and my wedding band. I had not been able to find it for a long time. So I figured if I went through lots of cabinets and drawers and closet space, maybe I would be able to find them.The engagement ring is worth a decent amount of money, but we do have an insurance policy on it. But I would be totally heartbroken if I lost my wedding band. It means a lot to me. Luckily, I did finally find them both! They were in the change purse of my wallet. I have no memory of putting them there! But it was a great motivation to get stuff cleared out and cleaned up. I had several garbage bags full of stuff that I threw out. And I also did some major detail cleaning of the house. I went through three Magic Erasers yesterday! I felt so exhausted last night but so satisfied when I went to bed. I also finished all 100 of my Christmas cards and got them sent out this morning! I feel very accomplished. And all of my shopping is done, except for two people on my list, which I hope to finish up Monday morning. I feel like I am keeping a good pace in the Christmas race.
But I do agree with Jonathan. It was much easier to find stuff when the majority of the contents of our house was out in the open, on the the floors, hanging off shelves, strewn all over countertops and tables. I am naturally a messy person and I find it easier to live in chaos than to struggle daily to try to keep everything neat and tidy. For example, I think it is better to have three or four hairbrushes that you just have scattered through your house in random and ever-changing locations, than to have one that you keep in the same spot. I just find it so confining to have to brush your hair in the same location all the time. Isn't it better to just wander around, and be able to say, Oh, there's a hairbrush, I think I'll brush my hair. Who's with me on this????

I was looking in the mirror and rubbing lotion on my tummy today because I am getting stretchmarks right now. From LOSING weight. Isn't that a little unfair? I thought they were well worth it when I pregnant with the kids, but to be losing weight and get more zebra stripes? Anyways, I was looking in the mirror, and I was telling Dave, "Look, see, somewhere under all this blubber, I have abs. I used to have abs. Can you see where they used to be?" To which he replied, "I've never had abs. Isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?"
This is a good question. Maybe if I had never been skinny, I would not mind being fat so much. Maybe if my tummy never had definition, I would not mind the doughy state it is currently in.

Innovative Discipline Technique

Dave came up with a new trick for disciplining Anna. Dave discovered if he threatens to put giant Barbie in timeout, she gets really upset. Giant Barbie's timeout spot is up on the armoire in our bedroom. Anna gets very hysterical and dramatic when Barbie goes in timeout. I am not sure if she feels empathy for Barbie, or if she feels like we are taking her toy away from her. Even if she has not played with her all day, she still gets very upset when Barbie has to take a timeout.

Thursday

I kept Jonathan home from school today. He woke up really early this morning, crying because his eye was hurting him. I thought it was probably just an eyelash in his eye, so we got him a cool washcloth and had him hold it over his eye. He eventually fell back asleep, but Anna was up coughing and with a fever a lot last night also. So! I made Anna an appointment, since she has been a little sick since Saturday. It's been wierd, I keep thinking she's better and then she seems worse again. While we were getting Anna checked in (she weighs 26 lbs with her clothes on!) the nurse noticed Jonathan's eye and said she was going to go pull his chart. He weighed 47. 5 lbs with his clothes on. It was very convenient that the Dr. was able to see them both at once. Still 2 copays, but at least I did not have to drag them in there at separate times. Anna has an ear infection (her first one in (almost) 3 years!) and needs breathing treatments for her cough. So she left with three prescriptions. Jonathan has a bad form of pink eye. I would have never guessed since he had no stuff coming out and the white of his eye looked clear to me. I assumed the redness and swelling was from rubbing his eye. But he has that same look that Anna did about a month or so ago, like someone punched him in the eye. So he is on eyedrops and Augmentin. I asked why Anna did not get oral antibiotics, when she had the oozing and the bloody tears and her eye was also much more grotesquely swollen than his eye. I explained that he had called in drops for us, and then had sent us to the ER with her when I called back later in the day reporting a high fever, bloody tears, and major swelling. From what he said, this type of pink eye can turn into meningitis, and should be treated with both oral antibiotics and eyedrops, and in Anna's case, probably a shot of antibiotics too. And possibly she should have been admitted to the hospital and had a spinal tap. Really good to know! I was very concerned about Anna at the time, and after paying 160 bucks for a Physician's assistant to look in her eye and tell us it was just pink eye, I am both relieved that the eyedrops took care of it anyway, and a little vindicated that my instincts were right. Her eye did look scary, and it was indeed scary, and the Dr. admitted that she did not get sufficient care at the ER. I am very annoyed at the ER, and also very grateful that it went away with just the eyedrops.
I am also glad that Jonathan got in on the appointment today, so we don't wind up back at the ER this weekend, spending close to 200 bucks and getting inadequate care.
Also, I had no idea that Anna had an ear infection. She has been a pickle this week, and maybe this is part of it. She just did not feel well! But it is amazing how even with good insurance, we spent $110 on the kids today between the Dr. copays and the prescriptions. So that is $270 dollars of unexpected medical expenses in the last 2 weeks alone! Merry Christmas, right?
But seriously, it could be worse. I am very grateful that we do have insurance and access to good medical care, and also that my kids will probably be better by this weekend. The Dr. gave me a note for today and told me that Jonathan could return to school by tomorrow, that he would no longer be contagious. I was like, Um, yeah, I am not sending my kid to school looking like this! He will be at home until Monday, as will Anna, thank you very much.

Country Elves Dancing

The fifth elf is giant Barbie. Just in case you wanted to know.

Nerd Nightmare

Last night I had nightmares all night long. Considering what's been going on in my life, you would think my brain would have come up with something a little more topical or relevant that this:
I kept dreaming over and over again that I would be doing household tasks or moving into a new apartment (sometimes these dreams were set in the past) and I kept finding overdue library books! They were everywhere: in drawers, closets, under the beds, in kitchen cabinets. I would frantically flip to the little card pocket and search for the due date, and sometimes it would be months past! It was all VERY dramatic. I do have a bad habit of checking out 20 books at once and then stressing myself with trying to keep track of all of them.
I am a little bit of a binge reader. I devour books without stopping to think. I choose books that are satisfying for the moment but not really nourishing to my mind. I read them without stopping to really chew on them, and before I've had the chance to digest one, I move on to the next book. Sometimes I read three or four books at once. Since I don't stop to savor any one book, I really have little memory of what I read, and they all start to run together. I have probably read 15 books in the past 4 weeks, but I don't think I could tell you the name or author of more than 3 of them. I am not really reading to enjoy or to feed my mind but as a temporary distraction, shovelling one after another in a hurry to just get through. See? Binge reading. Thankfully, I don't purge afterwards. What would that really entail? Where is this metaphor even going??? Hmmm. Actually, I guess I do sort of purge afterwards, because I dump the books from my brain after finishing them. Very few of them make it into my memory, just as very few foods that are purged make it to the colon (wow, this is really GROSS). I used to read higher quality books, but since having kids (because let's just blame everything on them!) I don't have time to concentrate. So I have had to dumb down my reading selections a little, a lot. It's hard to read anything very literary when you are being interrupted every 45 seconds. My kids never bother me until they see me sitting down. I could stand and stare at the walls all I want, but the minute they see me trying to focus on something, they suddenly need Mama. Give me another year, and I'll be reading tawdry romance novels.

Anna's New Friend

Anna went to a birthday party for Abby this past Saturday. Anna calls Abby "my best friend." Jonathan whispered to Dave that Abby was "his girlfriend." So you can assume that Abby is both fun to be around and beautiful, which is true. Anna and I attended her beautiful birthday princess tea party. It was quite the event. Anna is not going to be very impressed at whatever I do for her upcoming birthday after that! Abby's Mom gave out lots of great party favors and suprises, but Anna left with something extra special. She has been in love with this giant Barbie that Abby has every since we first visited their house. I had looked into getting one for her for her birthday but I was like, I'm not paying that much! But now Abby's parents just gave us the giant Barbie! Anna was so thrilled. We buckled her into Jonathan's booster seat (Jonathan was at home with Daddy, I didn't just make him sit on the floor or anything!) and drove home with her from Palm Bay. Anna kept looking over at her and just beaming from ear to ear. Justine got to come spend the night with us and her and Anna had a really fun time with the giant Barbie. Justine was trying to get Jonathan to have a wedding with the giant Barbie, but Anna got jealous and said, No! I am going to marry her!

Jonathan and Trystan, my nephew, were both ringbearers for my brother's wedding in May. They both think that they got married to each other. Trystan will say, you know, when we got dressed up and Jonathan and me got married?

I think they may have missed the point there a little bit. Isn't that so funny???

Headache Update

As many of you know, I have been suffering from (almost) chronic headaches for the last few years. Quick recap: ice-cream headache to severe stabbing pain directly behind my right eye, facial numbness and tingling on my right side, lots of visual disturbances (lights! spots!), which goes on for days and days at a time, often being there when I go to sleep and still present when I wake up in the morning. I finally went to a neurologist about a month ago. He wanted me to eliminate certain foods (everything that is delicious, basically) and keep this complicated food diary and chart my headaches along with the food so we can try to pin down what's triggering them. He also gave me a script to fill for a migraine medicine that he wanted me to try when I get one bad headache to see if it has any effect on the headache or not. So my follow-up with him is tomorrow. I have no food diary or headache calender, and I NEVER GOT A CHANCE to fill the prescription. I feel like I have an exam tomorrow, and not only have I not studied, I never read any of the chapters or did any of the homework! I do know this: when I tried diligently to eliminate any of the foods, my headache magically went away. For the first time in two years, I went at least three days with no episodes. Which was FABULOUS! But then Thanksgiving came, and then with my stepdad being so sick and in the hospital, and with other stuff, I have started to let the bad, delicious foods slip back into my diet. Sometimes out of pure indulgence and sometimes out of necessity. Like yesterday, I was hungry, there were only nitrated meats (translation: hot dogs) available at the birthday party I was at, I was hungry, so I ate one. And wound up with a TERRIBLE headache that ruined the rest of my day. And is still hanging on this morning. This is the story of my life: I know if I eat really well, I will lose weight and my health will improve. But I still keep eating the poisonous things that make me fat and will probably evenutally take years off my life. Now I have the choice to be headache free but follow a very restrictive diet, and it is like I am choosing to put these things in my mouth that I know will lead to bad pain and suffering. Here's a good question: Am I stupid or something? If it is really this simple, why can't I just not eat the bad things?
I am trying to decide if I should still go to this appointment tomorrow. I feel like I am wasting the doctor's time since I did not comply with what he wanted me to do.
And Anna became croupy-cough, running-a-high-fever sick at 10 PM last night. I was scheduled to work in the nursery the second service, and I could not exactly call people at 10 PM at night. But all of the fabulous ladies will take care of it. I am just bummed because my niece spent the night last night and we were all supposed to go to church this AM. Which I was really looking forward to.
Ugh. I have to say, if someone could wave a magic wand and either make my fibromyalgia pain and symptoms go away, or my chronic headaches, I would choose the headaches. I would want the headaches to go away. It would be an easy choice. So if anyone knows any fairies, let me know.

Christmas Getting to Know You!

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your family and friends. I completely stole this from Jessica Jones. Just so you know. (The answers are my own, though!)
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper, even though I am not the best wrapper.
2. Artificial or real tree? Artificial. It comes in 3 pieces, you snap 'em together, and it already has the lights on it. But I do miss the smell.
3. When do you put up a tree? We try for Thanksgiving weekend, but sometimes it does not happen!
4. When do you take it down? Pretty soon after Christmas day. Space is an issue in our house, and I love to take the tree down probably more than I like to put it up.
5. Do you like eggnog? Don't get me started. It's some kind of nasty. Dave LOVES it though.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? My Barbie dream house. It was PERFECT. I still remember it so well. I wish I had kept it for Anna.
7. Hardest person to buy for?Hmmmm. Dave.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Jonathan.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? no, wish I did. I've been wanting a kid friendly one (not breakable).
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. Lots of people still don't have e-mails.
11.)Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I really can't discuss this, but I was in my first year of college and it made me burst into tears and I threw it across the room. That was one BAD present.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, probably.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? normally not till December.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas time? Fudge? All the sweets.
16. Lights on the tree? YES! I like the multi-colored, nice and tacky.
17. Favorite Christmas song? Away in a Manager
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? We've done both. I would rather be home. But I wish home meant we could see ALL of our family on Christmas. Can't everyone just move here? Sigh.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Um, let me see, I am not sure if I've thought of them all or not. How many are there? I guess my answer is no.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I prefer angels, the kids and Dave like stars, but currently we have nothing.
21.Open presents on Christmas Eve or morning? Morning.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? People seem crankier and more rushed than usual. Driving seems scarier and more dangerous. Wal-Mart is even worse than usual.
23. Favorite Ornament theme or color? I love Jonathan's Baby's First Christmas ornament. My sister-in-law Jennifer got it for me. It's Precious Moments and it is really precious.
24. What do you want for Christmas this year? My stepdad to be out of the hospital and healthy enough to enjoy his family. Both of my children to behave during present opening time at my Mom's. I am still humiliated from Jonathan's Christmas Meltdown 2007.
To not be so stressed and worried all the time.
And I would like a digital camera that fits in my purse, which I am relatively certain has already been secured for me by my Mom.

Week in Review

Wow! Is this the longest I've EVER gone without blogging or what? A whole week? What happened to me blogging two, three, four times a day? I've got to get with the program. I know it's the busy holiday season and all but, come on!
So. This week has been a little rough, but also joyful. My stepdad Ed has been in the hospital for a week now. He left Holmes on Monday morning but was doubled over with pain before they could make it home. My Mom drove him to Drs. office, and they did some investigating and sent him over to Wuesthoff to be admitted. Wuesthoff is the hospital that Anna refers to as "the little tiny hospital where I was born?" Holmes is the "great big hospital where Bubba was born?" This is how she distinguishes between the two anytime Poppa is in the hospital. He has remained at Wuesthoff every since, and will be there at least through Monday. My Mom has remained at his side the entire time. She has slept in the hospital room right by him for this entire week. She has not even gone home to shower (but she is showering at the hospital, don't worry, she does not stink or anything!). She has kept her sense of humor and her generous heart the entire time. She is still more concerned about others than herself. When I say others, I don't just mean Ed. She is still worried about all of us. She is still thinking and remembering about everything that is going on with her kids and grandkids. I don't know how she has done it.
That is how she has navigated life so far, with humor and focus on others instead of herself, and I have to say that I think is doing a very admirable job as his wife. Of course, I am also worried about her and hoping she is taking enough care of herself. My Mom has made friends with everyone at the hospital. Yesterday she got to leave to go get lunch and I talked to her on the phone and she was like, yeah, I'm bringing back Subway for Sonie. Sonie is one of the nursing assistants that has been taking care of Ed all week. She is really sweet. Everyone at Wuesthoff has been exceptionally attentive and loving to my stepdad and very kind to my Mom.
He has made it through two rounds of surgery, one on Thursday and the other yesterday. Last night, he was sitting up and talking and laughing. My Mom and him are still joking around with each other. Ed is always making jokes with anyone who comes in his room to care for him. When they were prepping him for surgery yesterday AM, the nurse came in and said, Now, Mr. Bress, let me take a look at your chest. And he said, Only if you let me take a look at yours!
Only cute old men can get away with comments like this. Something that I really appreciate about this whole ordeal is that it has forced me to take a look at how I treat my loved ones. I never know when the last time I might see Ed is. I do love him very much, whether or not he is just my stepdad or not. I used to never say this to him, but now everytime I see him, I always give him a hug and a kiss and tell him I love him. This is what I have learned lately: Say what you need to say. Don't wait. Even if it scares you to say what you need to say, and even if the words get stuck in your throat and you aren't sure if you are saying the exact right thing, say it anyways. Every day we have is precious and an opportunity to show love to others. Love is one thing that we should never procrastinate on.
I spent Sunday afternoon at a wake for a friend, Mary Anne Ripley. She is the daughter of my Mom and Ed's neighbors and dear friends. We met over the summer, and since she also has fibromyalgia, we instantly bonded. To me, this was like being in Paris, France, and meeting someone who not only spoke English, but was also a Baptist from Central Florida. She spoke my own language and understood what I was going through on a level that no one else in my life really could. I was blessed to have known her. She passed away in her sleep. I have confidence that she is in heaven now. I miss her, but the one thing that I really regret, is that I kept thinking for weeks, I should call Mary Anne. I just had this nagging feeling, this urgency to speak with her, to say hello, how have you been. But I let all of the other stuff that seemed more important on my to-do list get in the way of making that connection. Now I can't even remember what that stuff that seemed so important was, but I got a phone call instead, saying she was gone. I am so sad for her parents and her children. I hope they can find peace in the weeks to come. It is a hard time to lose a loved one. Not that there is ever an easy time. At one point at the wake, her parents went and sat next to each other and just held each other. Dave and I were both stricken. God forbid any parent should ever have to bury a child. Even though Mary Anne was in her 40s, she was still their youngest child and their baby girl. Like her Dad was saying to me, it's just not natural. He has asked God, why couldn't you take me instead? I've had a good life. I'm in my 70s. It is a grief I hope I never have to bear. I can't even imagine. One thing that he said to me at the wake stuck with me. He kept saying to me, you know, people are good. People are just so good. I was impressed that the words coming out of his mouth were not words of bitterness or despair, but of faith and gratitude.
It's been a hard week, but also a good one in many ways. Anna had her third birthday party at school yesterday. We made strawberry cupcakes with hot pink frosting and pink sugar on top. She can write a letter A all by herself. According to her, the letter A belongs only to her. It is HER LETTER. She gets pretty annoyed when she has to share it with other people, like Allie in her class at school. She is so smart and special and spunky.
I got most of my shopping done yesterday, and I have my Christmas cards (use Winkflash! They are fast and cheap!) all ready to be addressed, stamped and sent out. I feel pretty good about being ready for Christmas.