Reciprocity

Tonight I was putting Anna and Jonathan to bed. Usually when I put them to bed, I snuggle between them (even though they both have their own rooms, they choose to sleep together in the queen size bed in Anna's room) and read them several stories and sing them songs. Some of my best memories are from putting them to bed. This is where they usually say the funniest or sweetest things. This is where, when the lights are out, and they have the safety that comes with being drowsy and in a dark room, they normally tell me if something is really bothering them. Like Jonathan's tearful confession that he had become a clip mover guy (and my response of, "So what? You are the same great kid you have always been. Mama loves you the same no matter how you act." {I think we had made SUCH a big deal over his good behavior award, which he got for never having his clip moved, that when he messed up and had his clip moved he thought that it would also be SUCH a big deal. Like maybe our love of him was based on how many days he kept his clip on green.}) For those just tuning in, if you get your clip moved, it is like the old school method of getting your name on the board. Every color your clip gets moved, basically you are more out of control and there are more consequences. The goal is to stay in the green. Jon got moved to yellow a few times and I guess he walked around for weeks in a state of anxiety and guilt before he broke down and told me. Poor guy.
Anyways, bedtime routine. These are the minutes I spend with them in a week that I can look back and mark as quality time. And these are where I usually find the moments that make me feel like maybe I am doing a decent job as a mom. Most of the time I qualify myself as a "just good enough" type of mom. Like, okay, their socks don't match, but their shoes, do, right? Check! Or, so their breakfast was in a bag and handed over the front seat to them, but did they have something to eat for breakfast, yes? Check! Or, so Anna's hair looks embarrassingly unkempt, but I won the socks and shoes battle AND we got out the door on time, AND no one is crying? Check! Check! Check! I give myself checks not for being stellar or impressive, but just getting through each station of each day until it is time to come back home again, go to bed, and start all over. I don't know why I operate this way. I don't know if I have just been in survival mode for so long that I can't ever figure out how to change, or if it just my personality, or if I am just a little teensy bit lazy (highly possible), or what, but this is just how we roll. My car is always a disaster. My house is always too cluttered. My kids walk into church looking pretty sorry some weeks. (But I can assure you of this, if they look bad, I look worse! If they look bad, it is not because I neglected them and spent an hour flat-ironing my hair and getting all gussied up or anything!)
So... tonight I started to tell the kids something that Dave and I learned about in a parenting class we went to last night. I had actually heard something almost just like it from Dr. Phil (maybe the only thing smart thing I've ever heard him say???) and I have often said it to Jonathan as he has grown up, before he goes to sleep at night...Out of all of the boys that God could have given me, how did I ever get so lucky, that He decided to give me you?
The thing from the parenting class was something like this: If I lined ALL of the little boys up in the ENTIRE world, I would always choose you. So I started to tell Jonathan and Anna that tonight. I told them, Mama and Daddy are so grateful that we have you both. If all the little boys and all of the little girls in the entire world were lined up, and I could pick any one I wanted, I would ALWAYS choose you.
Do you know what Anna said, right away? If I could line all the Mamas up in the whole world, I would pick you!
And do you know what Jonathan said, right away? Well, if I could line up all of the Daddys in the whole world, I would pick David. I would always pick our Daddy.
And do you know what I said, right away? You know, if I could have picked any Daddy in the whole world, I would pick your Daddy too. He is just right and I am so glad he is your Daddy.
And do you know what Anna said, right away? And Daddy would always pick YOU, Mama!
I guess that is about as good as it gets in a family. Each of us believing, with all of our hearts, that if we could have our pick out of anyone in the whole world, we would always choose each other for our team.
Reciprocity.