Resolution

I have finally decided on my New Year's resolution.

I want to be more mindful. I want to focus on whatever situation I am in and let myself be there.

I want to stop texting and other bad habits while driving and focus on driving. Be mindful of what I am doing with my vehicle.

I want to focus only on the student(s) I am working with at work, and not think about the next session or group of kids coming in, not be focused on paperwork, thinking of phone calls I need to make, letting my mind race to the grocery list, etc. but just try to be mindful of what is taking place during that one hour.

I want to ask a question and really listen to the answer.

I want to be more mindful when my husband is talking to me, to stop what I am doing and listen to what he is saying.

I want to be more mindful, more present when I am with my kids. I want to listen to them more and give them my full attention when we are spending time together.

I would like my attention to be more focused, thinking of one thing, working on one task, and following it through to the end before moving on to the next. I have felt so scattered and divided and overwhelmed. A house divided against itself can't stand, and neither can my mind! I try to focus on everything at once and end up completely unfocused. I try to multi-task too much and worry about everything at the same time. I wind up getting nothing done, feeling bad about it, and being exhausted anyways...

How will I accomplish this resolution (since it is sort of sweeping and vague)? I guess by keeping my hands on the wheel when I drive. Even at stop lights. By looking at people's faces when they are talking. Spending less time on the computer and more time actually being present with my family. Set small goals, like: on this day, I will clean 1 bathroom, to completion. Rather than run around and try to get the whole house put back together. Stop trying to multi-task and actually get something done, and be calm enough so that my brain will be able to acknowledge that I got something done. Leave my phone in the car so I won't check my e-mail or text while at the movies, or eating out, or spending time with loved ones. More prayer time; less fruitless worry over everything I can't control. More yoga, because it really does help me to calm my mind and focus. Try to take my schedule one hour at a time rather than trying to remember and fret over everything at once.

How will I know if I accomplish this resolution? I can't measure it in pounds lost, or bitten fingernails regrown, like I have in years past. I don't really know how I will measure success at this resolution. I guess maybe my chest won't hurt as much and I will stop having to remind myself to breathe. Maybe I will stop feeling guilty all the time because I will be able to remember quality time I spent with the kids.

Wish me luck, or, rather, mindfulness!