Thursday

Today I took my nephew, Trystan, and the kids to the park. I was almost to Wickham when I had to rub my eye because I had an itch. I had just put in a brand new pair of contacts this morning, and had been having trouble with the left one all day. Well, the troublesome lens went up into the corner of my eye, and not only could I not get it out, I could not even see where it went! Eventually, I was able to work it out, but unfortunately, it came flying out and landed on an unclean surface. I had no saline solution with me, so I could not rinse it off and try to reinsert it. I am quite nearsighted, as any one who has ever lived with me probably knows. I sleep with my glasses on, because I am so afraid that I will need to see in the middle of the night and not be able to find my glasses! I wear contacts because I am vain, but also because when I wear glasses and I look down or to the side, I just can't see well at all! Contacts move with my eyes and I can see better with them on. Anyways, so I pull into the park, and I am a little amused because Jonathan, who is sitting in the front seat with me, has taken me only having one eye very seriously. He has told me, It's a red light, Mama, you better stop. Okay, Mama, there is a stop sign here. Don't worry, Mama, it's still a green light.
Then when we stopped at the playground, he said, "Mama, you better just go sit down on the bench." "Why, buddy?" I ask him. "Because you can't see, and you might get lost." Poor kid! He is such a little man already. He's worried that blind mommy might stagger off somewhere, get lost in the pine tree forest at Wickham, and he would be left with two irresponsible little 3 year olds! Meanwhile, Trystan and Anna were totally carefree in the backseat, carrying on a conversation about farting (no, really, that's exactly what they were talking about).
If I were really that impaired, I would have pulled the car over and called someone for help! I got by just fine keeping one eye shut, going 5 miles under the speed limit, not passing anyone, and staying much farther back than I normally would from the car in front of me. In fact, maybe I should just drive with one eye shut all the time! I was probably actually safer this way. But, I would say that the playground equipment, not such a good idea for me. I guess my depth perception was much more messed up than I realized, because I kept misjudging the distance to the ground and almost falling over. And the other moms there probably thought I was winking at them.
It reminded me of the long, hot summer of 2003, when I was pregnant with Jonathan, and I had a condition that caused constant double vision. I could not drive at all, and anytime I wanted to go to a movie or anything like that, I wore an eye patch. Like a pirate. Argh! I felt really attractive. Being hugely swollen and gigantically pregnant was not enough, but the eye patch added a really special touch. I had people asking me all the time if I was carrying twins, or, Are you about ready to have that baby? Stuff like that. When I was only 5, 6 months along. No, it's June, and I am not due till the end of October, but seriously, thank you very much.

Speaking of stupid things that stupid people have said to me (I am a VERY forgiving person, can't you tell??), I left the gym feeling very insulted yesterday. I was almost through with my workout, when this blonde woman came running off the circuit and over to me, and said, hey, my name's blah-blah, what's yours? I was like, Um, it's Jamie. And then she said this: I just wanted to tell you that I lost 50 lbs coming here! I was just about to say, Oh, that's awesome! And then she said this: Yeah, I used to look just like you! And I just wanted you to know, that this works! I lost 50 lbs!
I can't even explain how many ways that this was very rude and stupid to say. She told me she wanted to encourage me, but I don't think telling someone that they look like they need to lose 50 lbs is very encouraging. Telling someone, "Yeah, you look like my "before" picture, you know, back when I was a gross whale?" is NOT encouragement!
The other thing, is that she really did not look THAT MUCH smaller than me. Honestly, I always perceive myself as much fatter than I am, so if I thought she really did not look that much smaller, she probably really did not. If you are going to come up, unprovoked, and say something like that to me, here is the main rule: you should be a tiny, adorable little twig. With nice boobs. Maybe if I had been talking to her about wanting to lose 50 lbs, it might have been okay. But I had not said ONE WORD to her or anyone in the gym!
One last point, because then I really do need to let this go, is that I don't actually want to lose 50 lbs.
50 lbs is a lot on someone my height! I am only like 5 foot 2! If I lost 50 lbs, I would be back down below my high school graduation weight. I would like to lose 20 lbs. 30 would be totally awesome. I like my body when I am about 20-25 lbs lighter than I am right now. But 50??? That's A LOT of weight. I mean, come on!