Sunday

Today was the nicest day. The weather right now is the nicest it ever gets in Florida. We woke up to a calm breeze, no humidity, the perfect temperature, blue skies and lots of sunshine. Church was great. I attended first service and worked second in the nursery. We had 13 kids! But luckily, we also had four workers, even though two volunteers could not show up. God worked it all out for us. And having 11 toddlers in a fairly small room went amazingly smooth and the rooms were both peaceful.
Then we got to go out with some friends (Dave's coworker from Harris, and his wife and 2 kids)for lunch (Harbor City Diner: More than just a diner!) and all 4 kids were very well behaved, and the adults could just socialize. Normally I just refuse to take the kids anywhere because we spend the whole meal trying to contain them and pacify them and we can't talk to each other or enjoy our food. My food was good, and I was pretty hungry since I forgot to eat breakfast (which is very odd, am I getting sick? I also did not want dinner tonight.) Then their family came back to our house and we had a nice long visit. I really enjoy their company so much. I want to adopt them. All four of them. It's a rare thing for me to find a friend I can just be myself with and be totally relaxed and just have fun. Normally I am always worried about what I said or did or how my house looked.... But I just feel at ease with them. I am really happy they started coming to our church so we can see more and more of them. And their kids! They are just the cutest and most well-behaved little ones ever! Seriously, this is one gorgeous family.
And Louise, the mommy counterpart of the group, gave me the best tip about this NYC lipstick she uses. It is really, really good lipstick. And get this: it's only 99 cents! It's not AVON. Whoops. But I have no standards when it comes to a good lipstick find. I wanted a deep red for fall, and this is the perfect one. I will probably almost never wear it (I'm more of a pink or mauve lipgloss kind of girl), so I am very happy it was only a buck.
Also, yesterday, my Mom gave me a little cash, and a great coupon and let me escape to Beall's. Normally, Dave never has to worry about me overspending on clothes. Because I can try on 42 things and walk out without one purchase. But not yesterday! I went a little bananas! I found a pair of dress pants, four shirts, a pair of REALLY cute high heels, and a pretty beaded necklace. Then Dave and I had a date night. So the weekend started out to be kind of a bummer, and then it got better. Now we just have to put the kids to bed and the whole week can start all over again. Jonathan's in school 5 mornings a week and it is just causing time to fly by. I can't believe it's almost Halloween, and then our anniversary, and then Thanksgiving, and then Anna's birthday, and then Christmas, and then it will be 2009. Can you believe how close we are to the year 2010? Doesn't that sound wierd to anyone else?

Feeling Fed Up

I am sick of apologizing, or feeling like I should apologize, for the following:


1.) My tendency to finish other people's sentences. I don't mean to be rude, I am always just really focused on what others are saying and I am trying to anticipate their thoughts or feelings. I am sure it is annoying, but I can't seem to stop it.


2.) The way I apologize too much, for every little thing I do or say. Someone could stomp on my foot and I would be all, Oh, excuse me, I'm so sorry, pardon ME.


I'm sorry I'm sorry. But I am tired of being sorry that I am sorry.


3.) My weight. I am sick of feeling apologetic about how much space I do or I don't take up in the world. I have tried for the past 18 years or so to find some magic link between the number on the scale and the amount of happiness or success in my life and I don't think it exists.


I am sick of feeling apologetic that my butt looks fat or my fat roll might be making teenage boys at the beach queasy. I feel like saying, Hey, I looked like your girlfriend once too. Even if I weren't a good thiry pounds overweight, I have still had two babies and my body shows it. If my appearance bothers others, than they should just look away.


4.) That I never quite have it all together. I am always a little unfinished, a little rough, a little unpolished, a little late, a little scattered.... My hair is never perfect, my makeup's always a little messy, I'll never be able to remember to coordinate my jewelry or my shoes or my purse. I am just always a little undone.


5.) For my children and their behavior. Hey, they are CHILDREN. They are not adults. They have fits, they cry, they are annoying at times. They annoy the crud out of me about 70% of the time.


They don't handle being tired or hungry very well. They have their own moods and their own wills, and while I am responsible for their overall well-being, I can not CONTROL EVERY LITTLE THING they may do or say. They are unpredictable. They are just kids. I can discipline them when they misbehave, but I am tired of feeling apologetic for them simply being kids.


6.) My tendency towards messiness. I am tired of feeling guilty if someone drops in and my house is a wreck. Why do I apologize? It's MY house. They are in MY space. If someone wants to be in a palace of neat, then they should go somewhere else.


7.) My cooking, whether it is good or bad. If I made you food, you should be grateful and just shut up and eat it. I should not have to apologize. Even if I serve poop on a platter, it is impolite to criticize when someone is kind enough to make you a meal. Maybe that's just the way I grew up.


8.) My abnormally close relationship with my Mom. We are close. Somethings can't be broken apart. Call me codependent. I know I am. But I am not going to apologize for it.


Okay, I probably will. I will probably continue to say I am sorry and struggle against all of these things.


But I just wanted everyone to know that I am weary of feeling sorry. Ironically, I will probably apologize for this post later. I guess I was just thinking of all the things I don't like about myself, how insecure I am, how indecisive I can be, and how I am just so tired of feeling like I need to apologize for who I am. Pastor Jorge at our old church used to say, God don't make no junk. I need to just repeat that to myself over and over and over and over.


I love this quote by Dr. Suess:
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Week in Pictures

Jonathan at the beach!

Anna at the beach!

Dave wrote I Love LCB in the sand with seaweed (his nickname for me).

Dave and me.

Anna posing at the Pumpkin Patch. She was making her scary face but she's still cute as a button!

Anna posing as a scarecrow.

Jonathan at the pumpkin patch.

Jonathan at his Happy # 5 party at pre-k!

Anna and Jonathan at their school after Jonathan's Pre-K.

Jonathan at the Pumpkin Patch posing as Frankenstein.

Me and Anna at the preschool.

Jonathan's Happy # 5 Party

Spongebob Cake, Take 2!

What's with Anna's fake little smile? Is it just me or are we all starting to look alike?

Some of the guests.

Jonathan with Poppa Ed and Nona Donna. We had the party at their house. Sorry, can't figure out how to rotate pic.

Jonathan and me. Can't believe my baby boy is FIVE!!!! I'm so proud of him.

Me with poor, poor Spongebob. He took quite the beating. He's limbless and the kids were fighting over who got his arms and who got his legs.

My handsome boys with their homemade haircuts!

Anna taking some swings at Spongebob.

Justine, Camryn and Elijah eating lunch.



We had a very nice day. I had fun having the party with the Spongebob theme. I happen to be a fan of the Bob. (But I can tell you, at 1:30 in the morning last night while I was decorating that cake, I was calling him some mean words.) My Mom served a great lunch: ham, brisket, party potatoes, deviled eggs, fresh fruit salad, rolls, chocolate sheet cake and we also made chicken nuggets for the kids. We also had our family's first pinata, and I think it added a touch of fun violence and destruction to the party. I told Dave I want one at my 30th birthday party. We did not blindfold the kids (they were dangerous enough being able to see!). Jonathan got LEGOS, Bionicles, a robot dinosaur, a giant Hot Wheels Remote Control Motorcycle (from Uncle Jason), a Zingo board game (which is a great family game!!!) a Littlest Pet Shop (he can play online like Webkinz) and he also got a Nintendo DS and two games. He is loving all of his great presents and he had so much fun with his friends today. I want him to go to sleep so I can play with his DS.

Spongebob Squarepants

The plan was to serve a chocolate sheet cake and also make mini cupcakes for the kids. Somehow, it turned into a chocolate sheet cake and this Spongebob Squarepants cake for the kids. Even though I have zero cake decorating experience (I mean, I've FROSTED a cake before, but nothing like this) I decided it would be a good idea for me to make this cake for an audience of 30 people. Never one to be spontaneous, I made this cake on Thursday for a trial run. I think it turned out okay. It was definitely a learning process. For those of you out there that are big Spongbob haters (and for such a dumb yellow sponge, he can really get people fired up!) you will be pleased to know that not only will we be cutting up and eating him, we will also be smashing to bits a pinata that is identical to this cake.

Jonathan was very upset with the pink tongue. He said, Oh, Mama! My boyfriends are not going to like that pink! I told him that I was just following the directions, and that he should call them his friends that are boys. He just gave me a blank stare.

So, hopefully, my real Spongebob cake will be a success. I am hoping for better than this first one but also really praying that it won't be worse!

"Seven Days in a Week"

Jonathan learned this song at school:

Sunday Monday Clap Clap Clap

Tuesday Wednesday Snap Snap Snap

Thursday HOP!

Friday STOP!

Saturday Spin Around Like a Top

There are seven days in a week,

now sit down and take your seat!

Anna-kin

Jonathan made up a new nickname for Anna last night. He said, Hey, Anna, is it okay if I call you Annakin ? He was playing a Star Wars video game at the time. She said, Okay, but I'm gonna call you Bubbakin. So cute!

MUST THINK POSITIVELY!

Okay. I am really trying to think positively today! But it seems that it's not going to happen. Third night in a row of being up coughing. Just got up at 5:00 for the day (which, in Jamie time, is like, 2 in the morning). One good thing: I actually got to see my husband before he went to work! And another: I got my first Bible reading in for the New Testament Challenge. That was a good way to start the day. But then... I had a nail in my tire (I swear to you, this has happened, it seems like, twice a year for all seven years we have been married; Dave must think I seek the nails out and accelerate towards them.) Dave took my car there at seven when they opened to get it fixed. I was just supposed to take his car. But then he called, his badge for work was still in his car. But not to worry, he would just get a temporary one. Okay. So I've got two clean, well-dressed children, backpacks and lunchboxes packed, ready to go to preschool. We go outside, and there is trash EVERYWHERE. Racoons! I guess our deal to feed them catfood to keep them away from the trashcans has expired, and we need to re-negotiate with them. Or maybe they don't like the new brand of catfood? Hmmm. Anyways, I start stomping and huffing around, snatching up pieces of soggy garbage peppered with fireants, all the while trying to tell myself, Don't take this personally. This has nothing to do with you. The racoons did not mean to ruin your morning and make you late. Then I open the door to the car, and see that there are no carseats in Dave's car! He took them out to give some guys a ride to paintball. Okay. Cough all night, nail in tire, trash in yard, carseats gone. Trying to stay happy! Trying to be a calm, positive mother, who does NOT resort to whining and fit throwing when things don't go her way. But I am quickly unravelling, as are the kids. I call Dave to explain about the carseats. He says he is coming home. I stomp, stomp around. If my day as a mother had such a thing as deadlines, getting the kids to school on time would be the big one. If I can't do that, I've pretty much failed the whole day. Then I realize that there are two City of Melbourne employees who have been watching me the entire time. They are fixing a leak across the street. I think that they have been pretty amused by my antics. My stomping, sighing, picking up trash, herding the kids, slamming the car doors, using the cellphone, rolling my eyes self. I am sure I did look and sound pretty ridiculous. Then Dave comes screeching around the corner. We exchange cars. I get the kids to school on time! Yay me! And then I go get my hair done (highlights this time!) by Maura. You know, the Hair Whisperer? I was almost late picking the kids up (okay I was at least five minutes late, but I was not the last one there, so I guess they decided not to charge me the dollar per minute late fee!)
Now Anna is having a huge fit. I am very tired. But all things considered, this really has not been a bad day. My hair looks good! See, there you go, I am thinking positively!

Weekend Update

Friday: Went to Dr. Got antibiotic for sinus infection and laryngitis. Went to scrapbook night at my MOPs church. Got nothing accomplished but had fun. Home by 10 PM, both kids asleep (THANK YOU, Dave!) Then read a book, went to bed. Then stayed up all night (till 430 AM on couch coughing). Out of Delsym.
Saturday: Dave made us breakfast, went and got me some cough syrup, took Anna to her birthday party. Her first invite from preschool! He said she was very well-behaved and had lots of fun. Jonathan and I hung out at the house. He was upset that he could not go to the birthday party. It's not fair! he kept saying. I almost said Life isn't fair! but I bit my tongue because I promised myself I would not say that to MY kids (even though it is the truth!)Dave came home, took the kids out on several errands, oil change, car vacuum, grocery store, pool store... the park. I stayed home and read and took a nap. Then we went to McDs for dinner, and then took Ed a fish sandwich and visited with him and my Mom for awhile. Up all night coughing again, watched crazy infomercials again in an exhausted stupor. Fell asleep sitting up on couch and kept dreaming the informercials so not really sure when I ever slept.
Sunday: Woke up feeling (and looking) like a BEAST. Managed to pull myself together, really wanted to go to church. Great service, glad I went. Served in nursery, had lots of fun. Good Sunday. Dave left after first service, left Jonathan in Lil K, took Anna to Wal-Mart, brought me back a latte (since about to fall on my face). What would I do without him? Then he went to go paintballing with guys from church for Joe's b-day, he had so much fun! He has a lump on his head from getting hit. Not sure if that's what made it fun (boys are wierd). I took kids to BK for lunch. (shudder.) We met my brother and his family about 3:00 at the bowling alley. It was so cute to see all four cousins in their bowling shoes. Anna wanted to bowl, but I think the girl had to come at least 4 times to rescue her stalled ball (DEAD BALL ON LANE 13! they kept announcing.) She looked so INSANELY cute! Surely they did not mind! We were going to go to Jason's (Uncle JayJay and Aunt Nee-nee, as Anna calls them) for Chinese takeout, but Jonathan had the mother of all public meltdowns. I really don't know what it was about, something to do with the arcade. But he completely flipped out, worst fit EVER! Then we said, if you don't stop, we aren't going to Jason's. He didn't stop. So we didn't go. (Don't you hate it when you make a threat that you don't want to follow through on but then you have to?)
But then he started running around the parking lot, punching me, busting out of his seatbelt over and over again, he had completely lost his mind. I thought about spanking him but decided we had already attracted so much attention someone would probably call the police on me. I was certain he was going to make himself vomit masses of cherry coke and french fries all over the car on the way home. He was still crying about not getting to go a couple of hours later when I was tucking him in bed, but in a pitiful, sniffly way. So, bowling was fun, but not worth the utter humiliation that followed. I swear, he only ever has fits in front of my brother and his wife. Therefore, they have every reason to assume he is always in a state of fit and is a total brat. Which I know is not the truth. But after yesterday, I just don't know! Then Dave brought Chinese home. The kids chowed down happily. Lots of fits and conflicts and throwing things until bedtime. Completely defeated, think I am a horrible mother. But it's not like I can say, Hey, I've decided this job really isn't the right fit for me. I can't exactly put in my two weeks notice and walk away.

Friday

Okay, must blog! I've lost my voice (sick) and I have to get some words out or I am going to explode! I went to my new chiropractor today, Dr. Sara. She was very likable and I felt very comfortable with her right away. She asked me if I had tried any dietary changes/nutritional approaches to treating my fibromyalgia (apologies to all, what started as a cute family blog has sort of turned into my platform to complain). I told her no, but I was ready to try anything. I would drink monkey pee right now. I actually told her that. She was humored (or she thought I was crazy, but she acted humored). I would not really drink monkey pee straight, but I might consider it in a powdered form, inside a tablet, if I thought it might make me feel better. She told me to try an anti-inflammatory diet and told me the names of some specific things to take (not monkey pee, but omega-fatty acids, and b-vitamins, stuff like that Normal things I already own but never take). The diet involves a major cut of all things processed, all things sugar, all things white and most gluten type grains (like flour) and corn products). Lots of fresh fruits and veggies. Better sources of protein, less junk. I have not specifically looked up the website she gave me the name of, but it kind of sounds really... healthy and wholesome. I am sure I would probably lose weight on it, and maybe it would make me feel better. Just because eating better makes everybody feel better. Can I do it? I don't know. I do adore my high fructose corn syrup. But I am getting increasingly more open-minded. The only thing the rheumatologist has done for me in 6 months is prescribe meds that either don't work or make me feel worse because of their side effects.

15 Great Moments

Jonathan took his first steps at the Christmas Eve service! Here he is staggering around at my Mom's house afterwards! 14 months old. December 2004

Anna took her first steps at just over a year! Here she is at my Mom's (the second time we caught it on camera, wearing a fancy dress-up skirt! January 2007

August 2007. A perfect visit to the beach. Aunt Meredith was with us and we saw a whole bunch of dolphins. The kids had so much fun. Here I am giving Jonathan a big smooch (see how I had him in the headlock hug? That's how it's done!)

We were trying to get a Christmas card family photo. None of them made it on the card, needless to say! August 2007.

Here's Dave burping Jonathan after a feeding at the hospital. I love this picture. I remember I could not take my eyes off of him whenever he held Jonathan. I just could not believe how much I loved them both. October 2003.

Christmas Eve 2005. The first night home with Anna from the hospital. Jonathan asked to hold her and she just focused on him and I SWEAR she smiled! He asked to see her toes, so we took them out of her little gown and he was just so delighted with her.

September 2006. This was another perfect day at the beach. The reason I remember it so well was because it was one of the first times that Jonathan and Anna really started to play together. Jonathan was telling her something here and she was listening intently. Anna kept picking up sand and letting it fall through her fingers, completely mesmerized.

Me holding Anna shortly after I gave birth. It was the best experience and I was just completely smitten with her. December 2005.

August 2005. In New York, with my Dad, Jonathan, and Anna who was still in my tummy. JoAnne took the picture. This was one of the happiest afternoons of my life.

August 2005. In New York on JoAnne's porch. I loved the look on Jonathan's face! He was working so hard on that bubble gun! I have so many fond memories from this trip. Jonathan and I went to Kentucky first and then we flew to New York.

December 2005. Jonathan and me (hugely pregnant) The day before I went into the hospital to have Anna.

January 2005. At Grandma Jane's in Kentucky.

January 2005. At Grandma Jane (Dave's Mom) in Kentucky. Jonathan had tripped in the ice and Dave was hugging him.

March 2004. Jonathan had just learned to give kisses. Big, sloppy, wet, ones.

Jonathan, just born. October 2003.

Dave and I at our Kentucky wedding. May 2002.

Dave, May 2001. The first time I had cooked dinner for him (chicken parmesan) at his apartment, not long after we had met. What's going on with that hair?

The Hair Whisperer

Maura, my new hairstylist and a friend from church, is a genius. It's like she was able to communicate on some level with my hair. I have never had a haircut like this. I can't mess it up! You want to know how good this girl is? I can't even find a hairbrush... have not located it in days, and I just blew dry my hair with my fingers, no comb, no products... and it actually looks good. Now, if you see me tomorrow and think my hair looks like nothing special, then you just don't understand how bad it usually looks! It is kinky and wavy and frizzy and it's like it has two different textures. Normally I wrestle with it just to get it to look halfway decent, and then I always wind up with it back and up anyways. But now, now I can do almost nothing, and it looks like something. I think she is just such a perfectionist and has a natural talent. The haircut took over an hour and she cut it wet and again when it was dry.
If you live in Melbourne, go see her at Regis at the Melbourne Square Mall! Just so you know, she is really gorgeous. At first I felt inclined to dislike her a wee little bit (inner cattiness coming out, I am ashamed to say) but now I just love her. She is so smart, super talented, and just a very, very lovely person.