Words from Today

8 AM: Jonathan, to me, while I was helping him get ready for school:
"Hey, do you remember when it was so funny on Christmas when Trystan and I both got those Nerf ball guns, and Nona Donna (my Mom) and Uncle Jason (my brother) started fighting each other with them? I think that means they must be enemies."

1:30 PM: Trystan (my nephew), Jonathan, Anna and my Dad (who is visiting from New York) are in the parking lot at the zoo.
Trystan told Anna, "You don't even have a penis, Anna!"
And she got all huffy and said: "Noooo, T, I don't have a penis! Only BOYS have those. I have a PEE PEE! "
To which he replies: "Anna, you don't have a pee pee! You have a vagina."
I almost choked! For some reason, we taught Jonathan the correct name for his, um, man parts, but Anna, we have just always said pee pee. Because to me, this is a gray area. The vagina is really referring to something specific, and I am not going to get into the terms vulva and urethra with my 3 year old! I told T: "We don't call it that! We call it a pee pee!" At the same time, Anna was saying, What's a re-gina, I don't have a re-gina, Mama, T said I have a re-gina! (She was highly insulted that someone would suggest she has a re-gina!)
But wait, I shouldn't have worried, because it get much, much worse!
3:00 PM: Trystan, Jonathan and Anna were watching the spider monkeys frolic (they were really running around the cage, swinging on the walls, and thumping themselves aggresively on the Plexiglass over our heads and in front of our faces). The kids were laughing at the monkeys because they did not have any underpants on. T says this, giggling hysterically: I can see their p*ckers and their booty butts! He kept loudly referring to their dangling man parts as p*ckers! I was trying to decide if I should just ignore it in the hopes that the other parents around me could not understand him, or if I should say in an equally loud voice, Trystan, Aunt Jamie (denial of responsibility intended) does not think that is a good word for their private parts! But then I started this internal argument with myself over whether or not p*cker is actually a bad word. By the time I decided that it probably was not a widely accepted, socially acceptable substitute for penis, all the other adults had steered their children clear of us anyways. And my little nephew T is so stinkin' cute, I just had to laugh at the situation!
4:00 PM Back in car, trying to exit the zoo, I decide to address the use of the word p*cker with my nephew and two kids.
"Um, T? What does your Mommy and Daddy want you to call your private area?"
"What, my p*cker? They want me to call my p*cker a penis."
Oh, okay. Enough said about that!

7 PM We are all out in the yard picking up branches and other debris from our yard from our freak wind storm yesterday. Dave says, Hey, we could have a bonfire!
I said, What, we should have a lawn choir? (I honestly thought this is what he said. I can't imagine the circumstances in which Dave and I would ever intentionally start a fire, so that word made a lot less sense to me than lawn choir. We have lived in this house for 6 years and have never even used the fireplace!)
Dave says, what you thought I said a lawn fire?
And I said, no, a lawn choir!
He said, I wonder what a lawn choir would sound like?
Jonathan was saying, A lawn FIRE, Daddy? I thought you said we should start a lawn FIRE!