Anna

Anna and Mutton taking an afternoon snooze on the couch.

Anna told me she was going to the grocery store. She said this was her list.

I asked her what was on her list? She said: Marshmallows! Salad. Celery. And grapes.

I love how she made a horizontal row of scribbles, just like a list. She got her shopping cart out, grabbed her little purse, and put her baby doll in the cart and went to the "store," stopping to consult her list as she went along. How flattering that she wants to imitate me and my list making and grocery shopping! I can remember wanting to be just like my Mom.

I also loved how much thought she put into the items on her list. She was so cute that when it was time to go to the store the next day, what do you think went into the cart? Marshmallows!

Thursday

Anna and I dropped Jonathan off at school this morning, and then we drove up to the School Board to get her followup testing for speech therapy. I can understand her perfectly, but apparently not very many other people can! She did well for her testing, but acted very shy and kept her fingers in her mouth the whole time. Quiet, withdrawn, docile... just the exact opposite of how she normally is! So now I am waiting on both of the kids to have their meetings to determine what therapy they are eligible for. There was a 3 month gap between Jonathan's initial screening and his follow-up testing, and in those 3 months, he made huge improvements and can say all of the sounds except for one. I don't really expect him to need much, if any, speech therapy. But they might recommend him for some occupational therapy, we will just have to see. Jonathan has certain physical issues that make certain tasks difficult for him, and he has learned ways to cheat or compensate for his difficulties, that have sort of snowballed into other problems. But his brain is fantastic, so everything's good.
The kids both think it is fun and it will be free through the school board so, there's no harm in any of it.
While I was up at the school board, I went to human resources to talk to them about my file. I was dropped out of the subbing system over the summer, because I did not substitute teach last year. That means they took my entire file and scanned it, and so I now have to reproduce every single document if I want to get back in the system, both for subbing and also for looking for a teaching position. I understand why they dropped me out of the subbing system, but I was actively looking for teaching positions less than a year ago, so it just seems a little silly that they had to scan my ENTIRE file. I guess my subbing file was just in the same spot as my teaching file, so they just have a system where they scan all the inactive files after a certain period of time. I first became a sub 4 years ago, but did not sub last school year, and was dropped (not like being fired, my record was spotless, it is just their procedure).
Which means if I want to get back in the subbing system, I have to pay a total of 150 dollars (certificate, drug screening, training, fingerprinting, etc.) which I am reluctant to pay, because the reason I got dropped out of the system was that I could not find any subbing jobs during the 2007-2008 school year to begin with. And now, because of budget cuts and more people being out of work, they need fewer subs than ever, so I really don't think there is any sense in putting myself back through that process, and also paying all that money, which I really don't have right now! I also spoke to someone about my teacher certification eligibility, and my statement does not expire until October of 2009. I asked her what would happen if I did not get a teaching position before then, and she said I would not have to retake the three tests, including my certification area, English 6-12, but that I would just have to re-apply for the statement of eligibility. Phew. I am thinking about taking the Middle Grades Integrated Curriculum (5-9) testing, which means that I would be eligible for more jobs. I have the study guide already, but it would cost 75 dollars to take the test and have it added to my certificate (assuming I would pass!). Anyways, not sure who would want to read what I just wrote, but it helped me get it all sorted out in my own head.(Dear Diary...) I am not sure what I am doing. I am not sure if I want to throw myself into starting to teach full time, or continue working on my preschool credentials. I really love the class I am enrolled in right now, and fitting a job at a preschool into my life with the two kids still being young would just make more sense in a lot of ways. And I have given lots of thought over the past few years about getting my Master's degree. But I have two different paths I have thought about: 1.) I would like to get a Master's degree that would enable me to teach at the college level. or 2.) I would like to get a Master's degree in Counseling and work in the mental health field (or still, possibly, teach at the college level). I think my main problem in life right now is that I don't have any experience, and without experience, it is very hard for me to guess at what I would like to do. I don't know which way to jump. I just don't have any confidence to make a decision because I don't have any direction. And at this point, I really need to work for a few years before I think about graduate school. I think working would solve a lot of problems, in that it would give me some guidance and experience and clarification. And working would also help with all the money problems. Of course.
Other stuff that happened on Thursday: we had breakfast for dinner. Hash browns, bacon and pancakes. I made the pancakes with brown sugar, maple flavoring, and vanilla extract. Very delish.
My Mom and Ed went to the oncologist today. Ed was released from yet another pointless hospital stay yesterday. The oncologist started hospice for Ed today. I think this is a positive move (in as much as hospice can ever be considered a positive move) because being under hospice care will help keep Ed out of the hospital. He is fighting and stays really strong, but he is considered terminal. And hospice can be very helpful to him and my Mom at this point. They can provide more sophisticated nursing care and they can offer more help to my Mom in managing his care. If he gets dehydrated, they can order IVs at home, rather than make him wait all night in the ER, admit him at 3:30 in the morning, and then keep him needlessly in the hospital for four days while they try to figure out who is responsible for discharging him. That's what happened this past weekend. More than anything, Ed just wants to be in his own home, with his dogs, and his own bed. And I think hospice can help keep him at home as much as possible like he wishes.
Dave just snaked the clogged up shower drain and is doing laundry. Should I feel guilty that he does not know how to relax?
The kids are playing in Jonathan's room. Peacefully. And that is no small thing in this house! Jonathan just huffed out here and glared at Anna and said, I just had to pick up ALL OF THE Magnetix, because YOU wouldn't help me. Anna just ignored him like he had not said a word. Jonathan retaliated by taking off his stinky socks and putting them in her dollhouse. Then he had to go over and tell her what he did. She just stared straight ahead and did not bat an eye, like really, that's all you've got? Ha! Where do they get their relationship skills from???
My car is running pretty well. We ordered even more parts (some sort of wires, really don't care much about this) and my brother is going to install them when they arrive. I think my car senses that it will be paid off soon, so it must fulfill its Ford destiny and start breaking down every couple weeks.

Wednesday

As Jonathan would put it, poopity-poop! That's how I feel today. My class went great last night. I felt like my presentation went really well, and in spite of spending the entire day in near-panic in anticipation of being up in front of the class, I was totally fine once I got up there. I am pretty sure we got an A, and really, that is all that matters to me! (Sad, but true.) I guess I also hope that we taught our classmates something about Dr. Glasser's choice theory, reality therapy, and applying choice theory to the classroom setting, but I am not sure if anyone was listening. Then I got up and went to tutor Jacob, my homeschooled student, and I really enjoyed working with him. I noticed my car was sputtering this morning, but I got from preschool to Starbucks to Jacob's house without ever turning the car off, and when it started back up again after tutoring, I thought things would be okay. Then, the check engine light came on. I called Dave, what do I do?? He told me to meet him down at Christian's in Palm Bay. I took Croton Rd, and noticed that my brother was home when I passed by their house. I called him and he said I should take it to Auto Zone and ask them to check it with their computer thingy. So I did, and I spent about a 100 on parts, but that will hopefully be a lot less than the mechanic would have charged us, since we don't pay my brother for labor. He is always very nice and willing to help us whenever he can. So then we drove Dave back to Palm Bay, and the kids and I are just hanging out at home. Dave has to stay really late at work today. He is having a lot of issues at work with his design and while he is VERY grateful to have a job, he is really struggling with this particular project. When he is not happy, I somehow feel that it is my fault, and then we both get all wierd and unhappy. It is very wierd. I think there is just this general gloom hanging over life right now, I guess because every day brings more bad news than usual and people are much more anxious than usual. I just feel like everything is about to fall apart! There is really no reason to feel this. But with things like the car breaking and the pool falling apart, it just adds to my feeling that the sky is falling in. And I am really worried about my Mom, and my stepdad, and I am very worried about Dave's Mom and Dad also. Ed is still in the hospital and my Mom is trying to take care of him there, and now she is sick also. Dave's dad is still in the hospital, and his Mom is trying to take care of him there also, and she is still suffering from the brain bleed she had. Everything just seems really scary and bad. In spite of the negative economy, our finances aren't the worst they've ever been. We were weeks away from being credit-card debt free, but now with the car and the pool disaster... I feel like we can't make any forward progress, and now stuff like groceries and gas and necessities are starting to seem more and more troublesome. We have managed to make it pretty well with just one income these past 5 (six, really) years and that has been the biggest blessing ever. I am so lucky to have had the freedom to stay home with my babies and I am really grateful to Dave that he has provided for us the way he has! But I think it is just time for me to maybe get a job, especially in the fall. The funny thing is, now it may be nearly impossible to get a teaching job in this county! All these years I stay at home, and I knew the whole time I could get a teaching position if I really tried, and now... I just don't know! So, again, in summary: Poopity poop!

Tuesday

Anna had her three year well visit this morning. We all went together. It was so wierd because it was the first time that I was completely unstressed by a dr's appointment. Normally my kids tend to get a little stir crazy in the tiny, hot exam rooms, and I start to get more and more neurotic and nervous about all the germs they are being exposed to with every second that passes! The kids want to touch the trashcan, and the doctor's stool, or they want to make "germ angels" on the floor of the doctor's office. I just leave there wanting to give us all a scrub in the shower and a gallon of orange juice to help fend off all the illnesses we might have picked up! But today was one of those days where I realized how grown up my kids are getting to be. All of the sudden, they act like civilized human beings more often than they act like wild little beasts. Of course, we still have our moments, but life with Jonathan and Anna seems to be getting easier and easier. Like yesterday morning, I was going through my normal get the kids ready and out the door routine, and I turned around, and Jonathan had gotten himself completely dressed. Socks, shoes, and everything. It was really wierd. And wonderful. I guess that's the point of motherhood, to work yourself out of a job. Anyways, the appointment this morning was very uneventful. No shots, no issues, no concerns, everything looks great. Phew! Our little Anna Banana has gone from being much smaller than average to being in the 50th percentile for height AND weight. She weighs 27 lbs, and is 3 feet, 1 inch tall! She used to be really shrimpy for her age and she has really caught up and done a lot of growing lately. I mean, the child eats mounds of parmesan cheese and spoonfuls of butter every night at the dinner table. She certainly consumes enough fat! Jonathan hopped on the scale, and was asking lots of questions about how it worked, like why did it keep going up and down? He is always thinking about everything! He weighs 50 pounds with his shoes on! My goodness! I was a little shocked! I even asked the dr., um do you think that's an okay weight for him? And he was like, oh, yeah, with his build and his height, I think he looks great! He even looked at Jonathan's tummy and ribs and thought it was a little on the thin side. I guess I am just paranoid with everything you hear about childhood obesity. And since I am such a chubalub, I am afraid I am going to raise mini chubalubs. So both of my kids are at perfectly acceptable heights and weights! That is one small corner of parenting that we seem to be doing okay on.
I was reading my cousin Brandi from Kansas' profile on Facebook, and she was talking about how she enjoys being around kids, but she is terrified at the idea of having her own. I was like, you should be terrified! Having kids is really, really frightening! The responsibility is enormous! I never got it before I had the kids. I sometimes wonder if I had really known what I was getting into, would I have been brave enough to trust myself to be a mother? I really don't know!
I have been scared every day for the past six years! The minute I knew I was pregnant with Jonathan ushered in a whole new type of fear and anxiety for me! I have never slept soundly again, and I am not sure if I ever will. Even when they go away to college, I think some part of my brain will always be on, wondering where they are and if they are okay!
So that's what I've been thinking about today. My kids are growing up fast, and in a lot of ways, life with them is getting easier. As they get more independent, I am less stressed out in some ways, but then I am also more stressed out in others. The more they develop into their own little beings, the more I realize that I can't always control them... I can't always control what happens to them... I can't always protect them. And that, is quite scary. Scarier, really, than most of the stuff I have worried about so far, like if they are getting enough calcium, or do I let them watch too much TV?

Monday

My stepfather Ed is back in the hospital. My Mom had invited us all over for a turkey dinner Sunday. Since she is at the hospital with Ed, and since she had already defrosted the turkey, she asked if I could possibly come over and cook the turkey dinner for my bro.'s family and mine. Sure, I thought, no problem. I have never cooked a turkey before, but I am an adequate cook, so I thought, How hard could it be? I will admit that I was dreading it, because I just have issues with intact birds. I never buy chicken with skin and bones, or eat it. I don't buy red meat, except for the very rare occasion where we buy boneless steaks or roast, or what have you. Anyways, my sweet, sweet hubby agreed to help me make this turkey (he is always suffering because of MY inability to say no, I can't do that...) and so I figured, we are smart people, we can do this, right? And we ARE smart people. We just can't manage to cook a turkey between the two of us. There were four issues: 1.) The turkey, although it felt soft, was still frozen solid inside. 2.) We thought that we had removed the bag of whatever that is inside a turkey (Please, don't tell me, I really don't want to know.) but we had NOT removed all of it, so we cooked this half frozen turkey with plastic still inside. 3.) We accidentally put it breast side down in the oven. 4.) I came down with a violent stomach flu while it was in the oven.
So at about 7 last night, an hour PAST when the turkey was supposed to be done, my brother and his family came over (we called to delay them because we knew it was not done yet), Dave was trying to pull together all of the sides, and I was puking in the back bedroom (Anna was SO sweet. She was trying to take care of me, and actually went and got me a trashcan all by herself. She can be very nurturing when she is not trying to boss us all around!). Ugh! Here's what finally happened: my brother called and ordered pizza, Dave took me home and then went back and ate with everyone, and I was sick all night and felt terrible about the wasted, ruined turkey. Although, as far as I am concerned, an undercooked turkey roasted with onions, celery, bay leaves, AND a plastic bag tucked inside, is really not THAT much worse than a normal turkey. I really just don't get it. It gives me the chills just thinking about touching that nasty thing. Dave and I were prying it apart with all our might and using tongs to try and extract the plastic bag out of the inside, and I just felt like I was assisting in a childbirth or something. I almost threw up right then, but managed to get it together.
Anyways, so I was sick during the night, but feel considerably better today. I ate lunch. Nothing happened, so I think I am good. The kids had a great day at school. I talked to my dad on the phone, and he sounded like he was doing really well and is planning on coming to visit us in March.
I have my class tomorrow night and I have a presentation due. I have that mostly done but I am feeling a little nervous about being in front of the class. My partner from class came over to work on it Saturday evening, and her little girl, Serenity, and the kids got along great. They ate dinner with us and we all had fun.
A man just came to our house to give us an estimate on filling the pool in. It has a bad leak and is losing water and chemicals like crazy. Both the pool, the tiles and the deck surrounding it need A LOT of work. Dave HATES taking care of it (and I really don't blame him, the thing is FULL of spiders, wasps and snakes!), and we really only use it a couple times a year. We love the idea of being able to put up a swingset or actually have room in the yard to have a bbq or play ball with the kids. Not that the Dooligans ever really play ball, but it is a nice thought!
We have a decent-sized lot, but because of the fencing and the pool and the citrus trees and the way the house is set on the lot, there is really no room to play.

Thursday

Today I took my nephew, Trystan, and the kids to the park. I was almost to Wickham when I had to rub my eye because I had an itch. I had just put in a brand new pair of contacts this morning, and had been having trouble with the left one all day. Well, the troublesome lens went up into the corner of my eye, and not only could I not get it out, I could not even see where it went! Eventually, I was able to work it out, but unfortunately, it came flying out and landed on an unclean surface. I had no saline solution with me, so I could not rinse it off and try to reinsert it. I am quite nearsighted, as any one who has ever lived with me probably knows. I sleep with my glasses on, because I am so afraid that I will need to see in the middle of the night and not be able to find my glasses! I wear contacts because I am vain, but also because when I wear glasses and I look down or to the side, I just can't see well at all! Contacts move with my eyes and I can see better with them on. Anyways, so I pull into the park, and I am a little amused because Jonathan, who is sitting in the front seat with me, has taken me only having one eye very seriously. He has told me, It's a red light, Mama, you better stop. Okay, Mama, there is a stop sign here. Don't worry, Mama, it's still a green light.
Then when we stopped at the playground, he said, "Mama, you better just go sit down on the bench." "Why, buddy?" I ask him. "Because you can't see, and you might get lost." Poor kid! He is such a little man already. He's worried that blind mommy might stagger off somewhere, get lost in the pine tree forest at Wickham, and he would be left with two irresponsible little 3 year olds! Meanwhile, Trystan and Anna were totally carefree in the backseat, carrying on a conversation about farting (no, really, that's exactly what they were talking about).
If I were really that impaired, I would have pulled the car over and called someone for help! I got by just fine keeping one eye shut, going 5 miles under the speed limit, not passing anyone, and staying much farther back than I normally would from the car in front of me. In fact, maybe I should just drive with one eye shut all the time! I was probably actually safer this way. But, I would say that the playground equipment, not such a good idea for me. I guess my depth perception was much more messed up than I realized, because I kept misjudging the distance to the ground and almost falling over. And the other moms there probably thought I was winking at them.
It reminded me of the long, hot summer of 2003, when I was pregnant with Jonathan, and I had a condition that caused constant double vision. I could not drive at all, and anytime I wanted to go to a movie or anything like that, I wore an eye patch. Like a pirate. Argh! I felt really attractive. Being hugely swollen and gigantically pregnant was not enough, but the eye patch added a really special touch. I had people asking me all the time if I was carrying twins, or, Are you about ready to have that baby? Stuff like that. When I was only 5, 6 months along. No, it's June, and I am not due till the end of October, but seriously, thank you very much.

Speaking of stupid things that stupid people have said to me (I am a VERY forgiving person, can't you tell??), I left the gym feeling very insulted yesterday. I was almost through with my workout, when this blonde woman came running off the circuit and over to me, and said, hey, my name's blah-blah, what's yours? I was like, Um, it's Jamie. And then she said this: I just wanted to tell you that I lost 50 lbs coming here! I was just about to say, Oh, that's awesome! And then she said this: Yeah, I used to look just like you! And I just wanted you to know, that this works! I lost 50 lbs!
I can't even explain how many ways that this was very rude and stupid to say. She told me she wanted to encourage me, but I don't think telling someone that they look like they need to lose 50 lbs is very encouraging. Telling someone, "Yeah, you look like my "before" picture, you know, back when I was a gross whale?" is NOT encouragement!
The other thing, is that she really did not look THAT MUCH smaller than me. Honestly, I always perceive myself as much fatter than I am, so if I thought she really did not look that much smaller, she probably really did not. If you are going to come up, unprovoked, and say something like that to me, here is the main rule: you should be a tiny, adorable little twig. With nice boobs. Maybe if I had been talking to her about wanting to lose 50 lbs, it might have been okay. But I had not said ONE WORD to her or anyone in the gym!
One last point, because then I really do need to let this go, is that I don't actually want to lose 50 lbs.
50 lbs is a lot on someone my height! I am only like 5 foot 2! If I lost 50 lbs, I would be back down below my high school graduation weight. I would like to lose 20 lbs. 30 would be totally awesome. I like my body when I am about 20-25 lbs lighter than I am right now. But 50??? That's A LOT of weight. I mean, come on!

On this date...

On this date, in 2006. Three years ago. Jonathan was 2 and Anna, not even a month old! It was Anna's first trip to the beach.

2006. My sweet baby girl.

Also 2006. Meredith was down from Kentucky meeting Anna for the first time. I loved this double stroller because I could recline Anna in it. She was sleeping and she was wearing her Future Senator hat that my brother got her. Jonathan was dressed up all fancy. I loved that orange Polo shirt he had. (Was it a Charlie hand-me-down, Lara?)

On this date, in 2007. Two years ago. We were sitting on the couch before we went to church. Jonathan was 3 and Anna was a little over 1.

2007. I can remember this like it was yesterday! We were snuggling and reading books.

On this date, in 2008. One year ago. Jonathan was 4 and Anna was just over 2. Jonathan had built this creation with his Magneato toys, and he was trying to keep it safe from Anna.

2008. Anna had put on Dave's big "boots" and was walking around the house with them on. They swallowed up her whole leg!

Manners

Anna has really good manners. She just does not always choose to use them. The other day at the dinner table, she said something really demanding to Dave, and I said, "Did you forget your manners, Anna?" And she said, "I lost my manners, Mama!" Then she felt around, and finally said, "Oh! Here they are! They are in my underwear!" And then she started her gleeful cackling that makes it darn near impossible to be even the slightest bit mad! I have to say, it was really refreshing for her to make a joke that did not involve the word "poo-poo head."

Blog Love

My friend Jessica tagged me and said she loved my blog! I feel really special, cause I adore her blog (and let's be honest, she taught me everything I know!!!). She's the one that introduced me to blogging.

Five things I love:

1.) Chilly weather! (Such a novelty here in FL)

2.) Country music

3.) Coffee

4.) Cats (I am just going to go ahead and admit it: I really am a cat lover.)

5.) Carbs (I have never kidded myself with even considering a high protein, low carb diet!)

Now for me to tag 5 blogs I love:

1.) Lara Anne

2.) Amanda

3.) Luke and Karen

4.) Krista

5.) Julie

Date Day

Dave and I had our date day today. He has every other Friday off, and once a month the kids go to Lunch Bunch. That means they are both at preschool from 9-2 instead of 9-12. I still was not feeling well this morning, but we went out anyways. What did we do with our five hours of kid-free time? We went to:

Starbucks (to get me, what else, a latte (I have not had one all week, and it was sooooo good!)
Library (to return an overdue DVD)
Post Office (to mail Lara a package!)
Contacts and Glasses (to order new contacts and browse the glasses)
Community College (to get my parking sticker and student id/library card)
Lunch (at Harbor City Diner, where I ordered hummus and pita to be a little healthy and then drank a soda and ate most of Dave's fries.)
Home (to watch The Office episode from last night that we had videotaped)
Fabric Store (to look for fabric for Jonathan's curtains, could not find anything I liked)
Coffee Shop (had just a little more time and wanted something sweet, we got a mint patty scrumppicino, and while Dave was trying to eat the whipped cream ( I hate whipped cream, I just get it on anything so he can have it) he dumped half of it on his shirt and pants, which was awful since it is actually cold here for once)

and then we went to pick up the kids! Jonathan had made this ADORABLE snowman out of a empty creamer container. He was so proud of it because it smelled good inside. They had filled it with potpurri! I told him, Thank you! And he said, Actually, I wanted to put it in MY room! I guess I do assume everything he brings home from preschool is a gift for me!

Update

Hey, that last post? I think that was the first time I have ever posted with no title. That was really strange. It was also really disjointed. I wrote about Jane for a long time, and then I went off into talking about Jonathan's testing. I should have made it two separate entries. Anyways, don't know why I felt like being critical of my writing... It's 8 PM and I am sitting here listening to Anna's nightly tantrum about having her teeth brushed. You would think that one of these nights she would realize that we are going to do this every single night no matter what. She is probably thinking, you would think these people would realize, that I am going to have this fit every single night no matter what. Why can't I focus? Oh, the screaming. That's why. I had a point. Oh! Jane (my mother-in-law, Dave's mom, Grandma Jane) is home from the hospital today. Her vision is still not right, but at least she got to leave the hospital and from what I understand they expect her to recover. She has a bad headache and can't move around very much. It must be very stressful for her. Dave's Uncle is helping her move Charles (Dave's dad) into respite care for 2 weeks. I am really glad she will have a small break, although I am sure this break will not be any vacation for her as she tries to figure out how to best care for Charles and how to resolve her own health issues. Thank you to everyone for their prayers, we really appreciate them so much.

And now for me to complain a little... I have had a bad bladder infection since Sunday. I should have gone to the doctor Monday, but I was trying to chase it off with cranberry juice, tons of water and as much rest as possible. But by Tuesday afternoon I was much worse, and so I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics. Now I've had four doses of Cipro and I don't feel any better, I am still running a fever and have bad chills and other symptoms. And now to add to my misery: canker sores! I have a bunch inside my mouth. Tomorrow is the one day a month the kids go to Lunch Bunch, so Dave and I have 5 hours together without the kids... And I really DO NOT appreciate being sick on our date day.

Dave and I are pretty worried about his Mom. She had a brain bleed and is hospitalized at UK in Lexington. I always think of her as super strong and healthy so I was pretty shocked by this news today. Dave feels better now that he talked to her on the phone. I kept getting this feeling all day yesterday that I should call her. I have not talked to her in a while and I don't really know why... one of those things I want to do but never seem to get to... I started my class last night (Conflict Resolution in Early Childhood) and I kept thinking when I was in there that I should call her. It would not have done any good, since she was already sick and at the hospital last night. I think she is going to be okay. I was tutoring today when I saw that my sister-in-law had called, and the first thing I thought was that something had happened with Dave's father, who has been very sick for a very long time. I am very worried about Jane because I know she is just at the hospital worrying about her hubby when she should be able to just relax and focus on getting better. I hate the distance between us and Dave's family. We both want to be able to help out. If I were in Kentucky right now, I would be at the hospital with her and Meredith, or maybe at the house helping out some with Dave's dad, who is being taken care of by Dave's Granny. Or at the very least I could go do the laundry or pick up some groceries, or help out with housework or something. We both feel really helpless when loved ones are hurting and in need and we are too far away to do anything. I thought maybe Dave could just go up there, because I know hosting all four of us would be way too stressful for her right now. But she told him that she wants a visit when she can enjoy it. I guess I can understand that! So we hope to make a trip up there sometime, hopefully by May. Dave and I have had very heavy hearts lately because all three of our dads are seriously ill or ailing in some way. And now it seems that one of our moms is not doing so well either. I worry about my Mom also. When you spend all of your waking hours caring for someone else, your physical (and mental) health is really affected badly. I don't mean being a stay at home mom or anything like that. That is almost always rewarding, but taking care of someone who is very sick and is not going to get better has to be the most difficult thing to do.
Jonathan had his big evaluation at the school board this morning. He was originally screened back in October to see if he needed speech therapy (which would be free through the school board and they come to his preschool and everything!). We have waited months (3) for the followup testing to be done, and I have had mixed emotions about even following up on it, because I felt that the first evaluation was so out there. Even putting my skewed Mommy vision of Jonathan aside, I felt that the results of the October testing were just not accurate. You could convince me he needs speech therapy, and possibly occupational also (he's been in and out of physical therapy since the age of 2) but I absolutely do not believe that he has social problems or processing or language issues or anything else they noted. Three very nice and professional ladies evaluated him this morning: a psychologist, a speech pathologist and an occupational therapist. Jonathan was very compliant and cooperative during the entire 2 plus hours we were in there. I tell you what, some of that stuff, I could not have done! I was VERY proud of him. He looked them right in the face and answered all their questions. He never got frustrated or tearful. Even when they gave him something really hard, he kept working at it and trying different solutions. It was so cute to listen to him: Hmmmm, let me see. Maybe THIS will work. Yes, I think I've got it. I think he thought we were all a little nuts. He would look at them like, you are seriously asking me to button and unbutton these three buttons on this scrap of cloth that is not attached to any clothing? You want me to take this ball, and throw it as hard as I can against this wall? You want me to pick up all these little beads, one at a time and put them in this jar? Okay, I think you are crazy, but I will just go along with it. They kept commenting on how great his attention span was and how well he focused for so long! They said, we wish all of our little ones were like him! I was just sitting there, like, uh-huh, yep, I know my child is awesome, and I think it is borderline insane that we are even testing him for all this stuff! But in a way, I think it is pretty wonderful that we have access to stuff like this. Three experts sat with us for that long and gave him several tests, and it did not cost us anything. The irony of it is this: I don't even think he is going to wind up being elgible for speech! He sat there and ennunciated his heart out! He said everything they asked him with such precision! I was like, WHAT!! It was almost comical. I think they probably thought, what's wrong with this Mom? Why did she ask for this speech evaluation to begin with? To give myself some credit, I did tell them repeatedly that I thought he had improved greatly since the beginning of the school year. He only failed at one sound: L, which is at the five year old level. Also th, which is an older kid's sound. So he has improved considerably since October, and they also seemed to think that he had NO processing or language problems. The only thing he really failed at was the skipping. But, never fear! He can gallop, which is the prerequisite to skipping! Aren't you relieved? whoo! Big weight off my shoulders! Half the physical stuff they had him do was all stuff he works on in physical therapy and he is at a distinct disadvantage because of his leg/hip issues. Like most kids his age can balance on one foot for 7 seconds? He could barely do it for two or three, but I was super proud of him because he used to not be able to do it at all. They also told me not to worry until the end of second grade that he reverses his letters when he writes. So I left with the feeling that my child is average in most areas, average enough to pass their tests, and exceptional in a lot of ways also. Jonathan is very special and unique. He is a very sensitive, bright, and funny kid and I can't believe I let some stranger's opinion of him one morning in October get me so worked up and upset and fearful. I know my own kid, and I know he does not have processing problems or social issues. I think he is basically normal, if not a little quirky (as my brother Jason put it). No, forget it, he's better than normal. He's Jonathan, the one and only! I really feel that he got the best of what his Dad and I had to offer. He has Dave's intelligence and spatial ability, and his nature in a lot of ways, his curiosity and spirit, and then he also has my sensitivity and my verbal ability, and he is very caring and tender-hearted in a lot of ways. Okay, tomorrow, maybe I will carry on about how fabulous my little Anna is!

Friday

Anna, on the way home from preschool, to no one in particular:
Mrs. Warrington moved away to Kansas. But I got a new teacher. Mrs. Smith. But Mrs. Ryder did not moved away. It's okay that Mrs. Warrington moved away to Kansas. Mrs. Smith is nice.

Anna, on the way home from preschool: Where does God live?
Me: Uh, where do you guys think he lives?
Jonathan: Heaven.
Me:Yep, that's right.
Anna: Where does Mary live?
Me: Mary?
Anna: You know, Jesus' mama and dada. Mary and Joseph.
Me: Oh. Well, they are in heaven too.
Jonathan: Are ALL the Jesus people in heaven? (referring to people like Peter and Mary.)
Me: Yes, they all lived a long time ago and now they are in heaven.
Anna: That's why Jesus was a baby. Then he grew and he grew and he grew. Then he was a man.

After a full week of puzzling over one phrase Anna was saying, I figured out what she was talking about. She kept telling me something about school, and I could not figure it out. Finally, I realized (after she brought home a clown costume and a lion) that she was talking about the circus. Which, somehow, sounded like a bad word when she told me. I asked Jonathan earlier this week, What is Anna saying, buddy? And he said, matter-of-fact, She's saying S**T. I just said, No, I really don't think that's what is in her class this week (hoping that he did not even realize he was saying a bad word. I figured if I drew a lot of attention to it, he might be more apt to repeat it.) When we realized that she was talking about the circus, Jonathan sighed and said, I wish you were 5 already! I asked him why and he said, So she can talk better.

Last night, my Mom sent home a new sweater for Jonathan. He was thrilled because it had a half zip collar. He kept saying, is it a sweater or a jacket? Why does it have a zipper? He wanted to sleep in it last night, so I said fine. He came running in this morning and said, Hey, Mama, I slept in this SWEAT-er all night last night and I did not SWEAT at all! That's cause I put this t-shirt underneath it! And now I am already dressed for school.
Which was great, but I reminded him that today was their Hibernation Party, and he was supposed to wear pjs to school and take his favorite bear. So he thought for a minute, and said OK, but can I wear this sweater over it? I said sure. He quickly decided on his dinosaur pjs, and got his sweater on over it, and his shoes and everything. He brought Snowstorm, his polar bear Webkinz, to school, and was thrilled that he fit up the sleeve of his sweater. His sweat-er that does not make him sweat!

Jonathan burst into tears at bedtime last night. He was just crying his eyes out. I spent some time with him, and kept asking him, does something hurt? Did someone hurt your feelings? Are you mad? Then I said, are you worried about something? Yes! he sobbed. I finally got him to tell me. He was worried that his loose tooth was going to fall out while he slept and he was going to swallow it and then the tooth fairy was not going to give him any money! He was sobbing and hiccuping as he said this. I reassured him that we would vouch for him if there was any question about his lost tooth. Mama and Daddy would leave a note under his pillow explaining to the tooth fairy what had happened! Then he said, but what about my tummy? I told him that it would not hurt his tummy at all, he would just poop it out. This completely satisfied him, and he fell asleep peacefully. I have to tell you, it is nice to be able to solve (most) of my kids' problems. I am not looking forward to the day when there are things I can't fix for them. Tooth fairy issues are easy compared to what may lay ahead someday.

Today I got the kids both Happy Meals as a special Friday treat. Our ketchup bottle at home is almost out, and when I gave Jonathan ketchup, he giggled because it sounded very, um, gassy. I was like, alright, alright, just eat your food. Then Anna got upset because I had not given her the "toot ketchup." She started stomping her feet and crying, "Why you not give ME that toot ketchup, Mama! I want the toot ketchup like Bubba." I was very exasperated and said, Fine, Anna! I will get you some toot ketchup too! Just calm down! And then I proceeded to try and get the ketchup bottle to make enough flatulent noises to satisfy my 3-year old. I stopped suddenly and thought, What on Earth am I doing ! And then I started laughing, and then we were all giggling over the whole thing. It's little moments like these that make me stop and think, hey, maybe I am taking life a little too seriously! Sometimes you have to really dig, but there is always something funny or joyful in day to day life. Sometimes it may be potty humor that you find, but on a day like today, I'll take whatever I can get. My stepdad's back in the hospital, Biscuit (my Mom's shi tzu) ran away from home this AM and almost gave me a stroke (he's back home safe), I spilled my precious coffee all over the hood of my car (which I really needed because I had been kept late by the crazed Gator fans, but I was glad that I had not stopped to wash my car first like I had planned), and some other large and small sorrows and annoyances that I could list, but I need to wrap this up... Gonna go get my hair cut by Maura.
I felt SO terribly grumpy this morning, but it is hard to maintain a miserable attitude with these two precious little ones around. They are always saying and doing such cute stuff. As I type this, I can hear them talking in the other room. They have my camera, and they were taking some pictures with it. I guess it stopped working, because I heard Jonathan say to Anna, "Oh, that message, it must be telling you that the camera's out of memory. We need Mama to take the memory out and put it on the computer so we can take more pictures. Come on, I'll watch her do it, so I can remember and help you the next time."
I guess that's more of an example of what a brilliant little "mini-Dave" Jonathan is than an example of how cute they are. But it works, right?

Just to clarify...

1.) Everyone realizes that Tim Tebow is not actually Jesus, right? The way the sportscaster guy was carrying on tonight during the game, I am a little concerned there might be some confusion.
2.) The only appropriate time to shoot off fireworks, especially on a school night, ESPECIALLY after 9 PM, is JULY FOURTH OR NEW YEARS EVE! Which, funny, these holidays never fall on a school night, do they? I realize that the Gators may be INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT to some of my neighbors here, but they are scaring my children and keeping me up with their loud!BOOMING! FIREWORKS! (And yes, I would be upset about the fireworks even if the Sooners had won.)

Thursday

Anna put on my glasses this morning while we were just waking up and snuggling in bed. She climbs in our bed silently sometime around 5 AM and I always wake up to her stinky morning breath and to the smell of her wet overnight diaper. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: It's a good thing she's so cute!
She always tries to get me to perk up and jump out of bed in the morning. She really goes about this the wrong way. Anyone who knows me well knows how to deal with me in the morning: quiet, slow voice, no sudden movements, and give me at least a three-feet radius of personal space! But Anna keeps hoping that her morning sunshine will be contagious, and Mama will wake up in a delightful mood just like her. She is so LOUD! If every other noise, person, music, etc. was not considered to be TOO LOUD!!! by Anna, I would get a little concerned about her hearing. Anyways, in the morning, she sticks my Hello Kitty alarm clock in my face and says: WHAT TIME IT IS MAMA!!! So close that I would NEVER be able to discern any of the digits! Then she tries a different tactic: she gets my glasses from the bedside table and tries to put them on my face. She knows this is what I do when I am really serious about waking up and getting out of bed. I think she thinks my glasses are like my power button or something. Like I am just a robot she can activate somehow. But today, she put them on her own face. Then she said, "Whoa! I'm up HIGH!" and started giggling hysterically. Even in my grouchy bear state, I smiled a little. Then she got right up in my face and said, "MAMA! You forgot to brush your teeth!" I told her that I did brush my teeth, just last night! I had not brushed them yet this morning considering I was still trying to be ASLEEP! Then I told her that she had stinky morning breath too! She rolled her eyes at me and said, "It's not morning breath, Mama! It's bedtime breath."
I guess this makes sense. She always calls breakfast bedtime snack, because this is what we eat when we get out of bed! The thing about Anna is that she is always so sure of herself. It is hard to teach her anything, because she is so sure that she is right. You can state a simple fact, like "The sky is blue." And she will look at you with her little face all scrunched up and her nose all wrinkled, and say, "The sky is not blue!" In SUCH an incredulous little voice that you start to think, "Wait a minute, is the sky blue?" That's why I call Anna my little sassafras. Because she is sassy and sweet! She is so expressive when she talks that it makes Dave and I laugh even when she is trying to tell us something serious. But the way she talks with her hands and tosses her head and rolls her eyes around is just plain funny. I told Dave last night at dinner that she reminds me of those bad child actors on Barney. Except for she is just over-acting in real life. Which makes it cute and endearing instead of obnoxious and strangle-inducing. I don't know why people are always ragging on Barney the purple dinosaur. He really is not the problem. His castmates are the ones who are super annoying!
PS I forgot the other thing that Anna said to me this morning. When she finally managed to annoy me enough to get me out of bed, she immediately started critiquing my sleepwear. "Those don't match, Mama! Those pants are flower and all beautiful, and that top (crinkling nose in disgust) is not all beautiful! It's just not." Well, excuse me, but I had failed to sleep in matching pjs! I had some very pretty pajama bottoms on, and an ugly grey tank top that did not go with them. I will add this to my list of what not to do in the morning: don't make snarky comments about my appearance. Actually, just don't ever do this. Unless you want to be on my list. (CHRIS!)

Quiz

Jamie is
A.) suffering from a headache
B.) extremely irritable for no apparent reason
C.) feeling despondent and sad with no cause
D.) all of the above

Correct Answer: D. All of the above.

Sea World Pictures

Jonathan and me at the Sesame Street show.

Jonathan on the Sea World equivalent of Disney's teacups. Except these are cooler because they go all the way up in the air AND you can spin them around.

Anna coming down a big purple slide at the playground.

Anna steering the pirate ship.

I need to work on the red eye a little, but I love Anna's pouty little face and Jonathan's forced fake smile.

The mama seal (that I kept throwing fish to) and the baby seal (that would not stop nursing).

Me trying to coax Jonathan into taking one of the fish and feeding one of the seals. Didn't work.

The ride home. Jonathan fell asleep before we got on the highway BUT

Anna did not even make it out of the park before she conked out in the stroller, clutching her new penguin.

Sea World!

We got year passes to Sea World for Christmas, and we went today! Anna had never been and Jonathan had not been since I was pregnant with Anna. He had not even turned two yet! Dave kept asking him today, do you remember this, do you remember that? Ummmm, nooooo.
We had a wonderful time. The weather was perfect, and the kids stayed there for six hours with not even one single fit! Jonathan walked the whole day, since we only have a single umbrella stroller left. He did really well with all that walking, and standing in lines. Although, the lines were minimal. We watched a Sesame Street show that was really cute. It starred Elmo, Abby, Rosita, Cookie Monster, and Grover. I think Anna was a little intimidated by the giant characters, because she turned to me with huge blue eyes and whispered, "They aren't real!"as she scampered onto my lap and snuggled in close. When Rosita ran off the stage and slid across the empty row of seats in front of us, Anna almost jumped off the seat! She did not cry, but her heart was going a mile a minute. Poor thing! (To be honest, it really startled me!) Jonathan and Dave just acted nonchalant, like giant furry blue puppets jump in their faces on a daily basis. I actually asked Jonathan, Did you see Rosita? He replied, Um, yeah, I did! (His tone said, what do you think I am, Mama? Blind? I'm five years old and completely unimpressed with Sesame Street!) I think he enjoyed it though. Dave was dancing quite a bit in his seat, so I know he was feeling it. We ate a yummy lunch outside by the water. I could actually enjoy eating outside for once because they had fencing up to keep the seagulls from badgering us and pooping on the tables. We told the kids that they could choose to either go on the flamingo paddle boats, or up on the tower (the spinning thing that goes up in the sky so you can see the whole park). They both chose the tower. Actually, Jonathan put it this way: I am NOT going on THOSE boats. I am NEVER going to do THAT. (I am not sure why he felt so strongly about it, but I was actually relieved, because the paddle boats are like exercise, and I got enough of that walking around all day.) I had been talking about going to Sea World all week to the kids, really building it up. I focused specifically on feeding the seals and sea lions little fish, which to me is one of the highlights of a day at Sea World! There's something a little disgusting yet thrilling about touching dead cold fish and throwing them to huge sea mammals! Sort of a little Fear Factor aspect to it. Anyways, my brother Cory ate marinated anchovies while he was in town. This made quite an impression on my two kids, since they had never seen a human pop an entire intact fish in their mouth! They kept saying, we are going to get little fishies like Uncle Coco eats, and feed them to those seals! So I bought two trays, which is either 6 or 8 fish (and yes, they looked almost exactly like the ones Cory enjoys) so that there would be plenty for us all to feed the seals! Anna and Dave both looked at me like, are you kidding me? We aren't touching that! Jonathan really tried to touch one. I've got to give him some credit. He reached out and tried to take it from me, but he just could not quite muster up the will to wrap his fingers around the fish. They need to come up with something a little more desirable (to people unlike Cory) to feed the seals, like fish biscuits, or pollock patties or something. There was a mama seal that had a baby seal who was just nursing away! Needless to say, that seal got almost all of my fish. I only fed one or two to a braying sea lion to get it to shut up for a second. I felt so much empathy for that seal! Poor thing, has to stay on that rock and feed her demanding little baby (Man, I thought Anna was rough with me! Thank goodness we aren't seals!) all day while all the other seals and sea lions are free to roam about and beg for all the fish they want! It just hardly seemed fair! (I am sure the people around me thought I was insane, and I guess I was over-sympathizing a little with this seal, but I really felt for her!)
Another great moment was when we went to the Polar Express Experience. They turned the area with the polar bears and the walrus and the beluga whales into the North Pole! It was so beautifully decorated and they were even pumping Christmas smells into the air, like cookies and pine trees. Santa was there and everything. It was really awesome. We went in after watching the movie, and Anna was like, We in the North Pole now! And she said, Is this really real? This is really real! It was so cute! The coolest thing we saw all day was two employees go scuba diving with the belugas. They had to clean the tank with a vacuum and scrub brush, and also do some repair work on the drain. Jonathan was completely enthralled. I mean how cool is this: people breathing under water, using tools, and huge whales swimming around them and playing with the vacuum hose the whole time! At one point, one of the belugas actually swam down and put one of the divers ENTIRE HEAD in her mouth! The diver just froze until the whale swam away and then carried on with her work like it was nothing. The trainer explained to the crowd that they are working on getting the belugas used to having the divers in there, so they never react to anything the belugas may do to them. Because they don't want to encourage the belugas to play in this way (and accidentally harm one of the divers!)
That takes some serious willpower! A spider crawled on me in a canoe once and I flipped out and jumped in a river where I had seen some alligators earlier that day! It was totally irrational and I know that an alligator is more dangerous than a spider! I would never have the willpower to just stay calm when I was breathing underwater and a freaking whale bites my head! It was crazy, but very entertaining to watch.
We went and saw the Clydesdale horses, walked through the barn that reeked of horses, and exclaimed over how enormous they were, and when we left, Jonathan said, what horses? I never saw the horses. That's when I thought, it is time to just go home! That is one tired kid who does not even notice huge horses.
I think the total highlight of the day for me was that I got to take Jonathan on his first roller coaster ride. He realized that I was the one that really wanted to go, but I needed a kid to go with me, since it was in the kiddie section of the park. He looked up at me in the line, and said, I'm so glad you have a 5-year old! And I told him I was so glad I had a 5-year old too. He was really scared, he kept squeezing my hand tighter, and before we were finally going to get on, his little hand was all cold and clammy. I screamed the whole time! The picture they snapped of us is funny, I am shrieking (in delight!) and I have my arms wrapped tight around Jonathan (I think the safety restraint system they had in place just didn't seem good enough to me!). When we landed, he said, That was cool! And then he said, I did not scream at all! Later he thought about it and said, Next time we go on that, I'm gonna scream the whole time.
Jonathan and Anna both say their favorite part of the day was the penguins.

The (Delightfully) Loud Morgans Visit New Year's Eve!

All we wanted was for Anna to stand by Henry so we could get a picture. After I snapped this pic, Anna threw herself down on the floor of Fazoli's in protest, and did not stop screeching until she was placed back into her seat.

Sometimes smiles go too far and make you look like you are in pain. I was laughing really hard in this picture. I guess I was in pain a little. My abs and face always get a workout when the Morgans come to town from laughing so much.

Anna, Jonathan and Henry dining at Fazoli's. The kids were so happy, because we had just eaten at Fazoli's the night before and then we got to meet the Morgans there for lunch. They love Fazoli's very much.

Anna and Henry in the backseat on the way to Publix to get some subs. The trip there was much calmer than the trip back home.

Anna and Jackie lounging on the chair. Jackie was taking a break in the all out Lightsaber BattleFest that took place almost the entire time the boys were awake. When they weren't riding bikes or playing DS together.

Charlie! I held him when he was a newborn at the hospital. I remember seeing him for the first time through the glass window in the hospital nursery. I can't believe he is reading chapter books and just learned to ride a bike without training wheels! He has always been very advanced. He spent very little time in his stroller as a baby. He wanted to get out and push it himself. Before we know it, we are going to have five teenagers on our hands when we all get together for a visit. We think they drive us crazy now....

Apples to Apples, one of the best ways to have fun.

Lara consulting the Apples to Apples rules, only to find out, oh, no, oh no no no! She was WRONG!

Happy New Year's 2009!

Fluxx, one of the worst ways to have fun. Especially the Monty Python version. But it was entirely worth it to hear the fantastic accents put out by Jeremy and Dave. We discovered that if you stick the word Governor (pronounced more like Gov'na) on the end of anything, it counts as an accent.


We were so happy to have Lara and Jeremy and the boys come over for New Year's Eve. You know you are good friends when you can cram 4 adults and 5 kids into one 1200 square foot house and still have tons of fun. And minimal brawling. Jeremy and I got into a little fistfight, but we are okay now. No, I am kidding, it's just the kids that fight. Although, I did provoke Lara with my comments about her beautiful feet.

Last year we got to spend Thanksgiving together, so I am glad we got to spend one holiday together this year!