Sunday

Okay, so for the past year or so, I have had this nagging feeling that I am supposed to go learn Spanish. I took Spanish for the required two years in high school, dreaded it everyday, and never wanted to take it again. Nothing against Spanish, of course, I am just suprisingly terrible at languages. The worst moments of my junior high years were spent in gym class, and the worst moments of my high school years were spent in Spanish class.

(I hated gym, but in high school only had to take .5 credit, and I chose weightlifting, which I loved with a passion!!! It was awesome. I did not have to flinch like a spazz all the time, because there were no balls (I am convinced dodgeball, volleyball, kickball, basketball are to blame for most of my current anxiety problems. I think gym class shortcircuited something in my brain. )flying around. I was really, really good at it too. I could squat a very large percentage of my body weight, considering I weighed about 60 pounds less back then.)

Anyways, I have been struggling against this nagging urge to go take Spanish at the community college for a while now, and I kept saying, Oh, come on! (I'm speaking to God, because I am pretty sure that's where this was coming from. It was not coming from my own desires, that's for sure.) Not Spanish!! What will I ever need Spanish for??
Well, I got a great big, that's why! this morning at church. A little girl and her mother came for the second week in a row. They seemed very unsure and ill at ease. The mother wanted to stay with her child in the nursery. Fine, fine. But I wanted to get the little girl registered, and I could not even communicate with the mom to do so. There was a total breakdown in communication. Also, if I ever want to register this child, or send home newsletters or notes to the parent, I am pretty sure in this situation, the mother could not read or fill out any forms. So, at the very least, I think I need to get some of our forms and stuff formatted in Spanish. I am quite sure that this will not be the last time we run into this. I was embarassed that I was not prepared for this beforehand. I could not welcome them, explain any policies, get any contact info.... But I am going to ask some of our wonderful nursery volunteers if they can help me create all the same documents we usually use, but in Spanish. How do you welcome someone into your family if you don't even know how to say Hi, My name is...... And you are?

But I am grateful for all of these things that God has led me to do that make me uncomfortable. Because obeying God is not all about me, and what I want, and what makes me happy. So if He wants me to lead, or to speak in front of a group (which makes me feel like I might have a stroke, but is getting a little easier every time), or to learn a little Spanish, then I need to obey whatever it is that I feel He is requiring of me. I have so far been rewarded with so much personal joy and growth every time I have stepped out a little, taken a risk. And, on the flip side, I have definitely learned that trying to ignore God's voice, trying to be intentionally disobedient, trying to drive through life on my own leads to great personal unhappiness and stagnation. I guess the question is, when am I ever going to be able to let go, and stop trying to figure it out on my own??? How many lessons do I need? Thankfully God is so gracious, good, and patient. He seems to get that I am just a human. Of course.