Catching Up

Anna missed her first day of school on Wednesday because she was running a high fever (105!) but she was well enough to go to school on Friday. She wore her giraffe shirt that Yara (Lara) got for her and she picked it out special. I tried for a ponytail, but that was out of the question. Then she ripped her barrettes (our compromise) out by the time we got to school.

We walked her in, she was very pleased with the baby potty (they have the most DARLING little toilet EVER) and looked very happy with her room. Anna asked me "Are you going to leave me here today, Mama?" when I was getting her out of her carseat. She was not asking because she was worried, but because she wanted it to finally be the day she was going to be left at school like Bubba.

She had declared that "Madison was her best friend" after meeting her at Open House. What criteria does a 2 year old have for selecting a best friend? "Cuz she has a Dora shirt and she wore pink." Also, she was the only other kid there during their appointment time. It's so easy to make friends when you are a toddler!

Anna did great at her first day of school. She made a watercolor painting, played well with her friends, and stayed dry in her big girl underwear all morning. I did not shed a tear as I walked away. I cried when I left Jonathan in the same classroom two years ago, and I cried A LOT when Jonathan started Pre-k this year. But, this time, no tears. Hmmm. Maybe it's because I know it is only 3 mornings a week and we still have years to go until kindegarten starts.

Every night lately when I am putting Anna to bed, she looks up at me and says, I not a baby anymore, Mama, I a big girl now. She usually says this when she is bleary-eyed and almost drifted off to sleep. I always agree with her. I wonder why she tells me this? I realize this every minute of everyday. I am not sure if she is looking for affirmation or if she is trying to help me get used to the idea, or what. But it is the truth. She has done so much growing up lately. Since April, we stopped nursing, she moved out of my room, she was potty-trained (pretty much on her own initiative), moved into a big-girl bed of her own, she started school, she started wanting to do everything "All By Myself!" I am so, so proud of her.

We have been playing Go Fish this weekend. It's the most surreal feeling. The kids are actually getting the game, even Anna. I just can't believe I am sitting on the floor playing cards with my kids! I love being able to do stuff like this and I love the way they can communicate with us now.

We have been spending lots of quality time together since our TV IS STILL BROKEN! But I am happier without it. It already seems normal to have no cable. We actually got rid of our cable and switched to the very basic. Since the TV is really broken, we don't have any channels at all.

The kids will still be able to watch PBS when the TV gets fixed. I don't really like the version of reality that Nick, Noggin and Disney sell my kids anyways.

Today we are making a Cotton Pickin' Cake to take to a cookout at my Mom's. I am going to go and help lick the frosting off the beaters. Hope everyone had a good week!

Dooligans 4, Taking a Weeklong Break

I am going to take a break from posting for the next week.
I am also going to be off Facebook, MySpace and Webkinz. I will ask Dave to monitor Webkinz for me so my pets don't get sick and hungry and my garden does not dry up. (Just in case you were concerned about Meowington, Lizardly, June, and Bernie.)
I just need some distance and space from the computer. I need to focus on my actual life instead of my virtual one. I need to parent my children and love my husband instead of writing about them. I need to try to take care of my health instead of spending my time complaining about it on here. Maybe I will even pay attention to my real pets, Sabrina and Sprite, instead of feeding my virtual ones.
I'll be back next week! Maybe. I hope everyone has a peaceful and blessed week! Jamie

PS If you just HAVE to speak to me, I will be checking my Yahoo mail account, so you can leave a comment here and I will see it there.

Saturday (it's really long and rambling; my apologies!)

Anna came to our room this morning and took her nighttime diaper off. She got right up on the pillow next to me and started tooting. Then she would cackle and say, ha,ha! Mama, I toot on your bed! I was not amused (well, I was a little, tiny bit). I told her to go find some underwear. She said, No, I like to be naked booty.

Then I said, Anna, stop playing with your booty butt on my bed! It's gross!

She replies: I can touch it if I want to, it's MY business!

I have always told the kids that their private areas are their own business.

So, she sort of had me there, except for:

OK, then go touch your business in your OWN ROOM and not ON MY BED!!!!



Dave took the kids to his gym and I went to Curves, and then to my Mom's house to take her dogs on a walk. She has two shi tzus, Biscuit and Mutton. Mutton is getting fatter by the minute. He literally waddles when he walks. I told him that when school started, I was going to put him and me on a diet, and we were going to go on walks three times a week. Of course, last week was a tad wet outside, so we had to start today. Biscuit and I wanted to walk at a normal pace, so I just let Mutton's leash go and he trailed about ten feet behind us, having to break into a trot now and then and panting his head off. I am sure we have about the same BMI, and I certainly was not exerting myself. If Mutton stopped to go potty, Biscuit would put his brakes on and wait for him to catch up. They love each other so much. Like looooovers do. It started raining, and I had my cell and my keys, a bag full of doggy poo and two out of shape shi tzus with me. I wanted to get home, and I was getting pretty cranky. We finally made it back home, the rain stopped, and I swear it was literally steaming outside! Then I had to drive home in wet clothes.

But, I did feel much better after I exercised. What I have discovered helps me with my condition: exercise, chiropractic care, and getting more adequate sleep. I could give you a whole list of medicines that have NOT helped. I am going back to the rheumatoligist this week and ask that he re-evaluate the one medicine he has tried that I have actually stayed on. I think it has helped me with some of my burning, tingling skin pain, but not with my muscle aches and fatigue and sharp joint pains. It has done nothing for making me sleep better, or for my chronic headaches, or for my feelings of well-being. I sleep worse on it than I did before, and anything they try for my sleep or headaches just makes me feel more tired and groggy all the time. So I have gotten down to this one last medicine. And I think it makes me feel agitated and unfocused all the time. I think it makes me sleep less, which definitely makes me feel worse. So if I add all of this up, the bottom line is I think I would be better off without it. The only problem is: how do I stop taking it? It has wicked withdrawal symptoms and I am going to need help to wean off it. I think if I had fully understood how hard it would be to stop taking it, I would not have tried it to begin with. I don't like the feeling that I am dependent on something. I have never tried (illegal) drugs for a reason! I also don't like that I just don't feel like myself when I am taking this medicine. So, that's that! Who's tired of hearing about this? I certainly am.

The one casualty of Fay in our home, the TV, is still broken. Samsung called their repairmen, and they are supposed to call to schedule an appointment within three business days. Add to this the one-three day delay Fay seems to have put on everything (rightfully so) and I think we are looking at two full weeks without a functioning TV. Just so you understand what a crisis this is, we can't even watch DVDs! I think the part that is really annoying (and I apologize for being annoyed by this at all; I know I am surrounded by a county of people with real problems and property loss) is that the TV will work, but only for a few minutes, or a half hour, or maybe an hour. but there is no way to predict when it will spontaneously shut itself off. I sort of wish it would just stay off. It would be easier to explain to the kids that the TV is broken if it just never came on at all! I have been thinking about cancelling our fancy-schmancy DVR cable anyways. We cancelled our spring water delivery (I am drinking Brita filtered water from the tap! Big deal for me.) and I have drastically cut back on my latte/Starbucks consumption. It was hard to justify spending almost four bucks on a coffee drink while complaining about how high gas prices and groceries are. I felt sort of like a moron. Not that I don't still occasionally give in and go to Starbucks. So this is going.... somewhere. Right, the TV. Hopefully they will fix it or Samsung will give us some money. This does not seem likely, but it is still under warranty and we have not even owned the thing for a year yet! So it's storming out (just a thunderstorm, no two feet of rain), and we have nowhere to go, and no TV to pacify ourselves with. But, to quote Mr. Johnson(does anyone else remember him? the old guy who had a fit and heaved the rocking chair up over his head in anger???), from Creel Elementary, "I cried when I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet." Profound! ;)

Date Night

I had an appointment this afternoon, and I basically asked my Mom, can I not come back to get them till 8? Dave met me at home at 5 and we had 3 hours with no kids! Did I ever need it, too! We went to Duffy's, which took over the old Roadhouse Grill. We'd never been there before, and it was packed! It turned from a peanuts on the floor steakhouse to a sports stuff on the wall grill and bar. Our food was actually really good, and the service was friendly and quick. 2 for 1 happy hour, including bottled beers (not just nasty, watered down cocktails that look nothing like the one in the picture, like Texas Roadhouse, remember, Lara? We should have just ordered a shot with your dad.) I was very happy with my Blue Moon and my mini cheeseburgers. I am pretty fussy about my cheeseburgers, but I really enjoyed these. They were more bread than meat, and the bread was very good, like little yeast rolls. The sweet potato fries were yummy.
Then we went to the movies, my choice this time: Stepbrothers. My brother Jason had recommended it to us, and I have to say, one of the funniest movies ever. Maybe I just needed a good laugh after this week of rain and stress, but I LOVED this movie. Warning: This movie was exceptionally crude and disgusting (although I did not think it was as offensive as The Heartbreak Kid, with Ben Stiller). I am not endorsing it or suggesting you go see it! I don't want to bring others down with me.
Looking back, I think it was kind of wierd that I chose cheeseburgers, beer and a raunchy comedy like Stepbrothers. But it was a very fun date night.
I had better go help Dave put the kids to bed. He just poisoned himself a little with old cake and looks pretty pale.

Sleepless, Again

I started the go to sleep process at 8:15 tonight. Finally got both kids asleep by 9:15 (they are so off schedule with this whole storm). I got in bed by 10 PM. First, I could not fall asleep. Tried for about 2 hours. Then, I finally did. Shortly after I fell asleep, Anna woke up crying. I had to lie down on her floor with her to get her back to sleep. I don't fit in her toddler bed. I don't want her in my bed. So this is our "compromise."
1:00 AM, back to sleep. 1:15 AM: Mama, I wet the bed again. What in the world? Jonathan never wets the bed. Two nights in a row, very strange. Maybe it's all this rain. Stripping the bed, with the wet sheets, the beloved snowman blanket, the two quilts (maybe I need to have less bedding on the bed for him to pee on) and changing a shivering and soaking wet boy into new jammies. How much pee could his bladder possibly hold? It's insane. Like someone dumped a quart of water on the bed! Glad I never took the plastic case off mattress from his potty-training days.
Then Dave went into a terrible coughing fit. I felt bad for him! He took cough med and sat up for a while to try and stop coughing. Now it's 2:15 AM and Jonathan and I are snuggled up in the chair watching cartoons. I can't even think about sleeping because I feel like the next time I get woken up, I am going to have a FIT!!!! Sometimes when I get woken up for the third or fourth time in one night like this I just lose it, and I start stomping and huffing around and even swearing, I'm ashamed to admit. I really don't have much control over my temper because I am so groggy.
My own mother never acted like this. I never remember her being anything but loving and kind when I woke her up with a wet bed or a bloody nose or a sick tummy or a bad cough or a bad dream. Which was, the way I remember it, almost every single night! Of course, my mother was almost supernaturally patient, cheerful and energetic when I was a kid, so it is not a very fair standard to compare myself to. I can remember waking up and groggily peering down the hall when we lived on base and she would be up scrubbing the terrazo.
Some people wind up in therapy because their mother is not good, and one of the things I struggle with is that I feel like I don't measure up to her in a lot of ways. I know a lot of it was a facade, which did crumble away in the second half of my childhood, but still, my Mom gave me a lot to live up to as a mother. I think we have a tendency to criticize the way our parents did things and think about how we want to do things differently with our own kids. I think people do this whether they had good parents or bad. I used to think this way, until I had my own kids and I realized how difficult, overwhelming and lonely parenthood can be, and that my Mom really did an excellent job, an outstanding job in many ways. I feel like I have been given so much more to work with and I just can't keep it together half as well as her!

Is it too early to start drinking coffee yet? If I had gone to sleep at 8:15 then I would have already gotten six hours of sleep. If I fell back asleep right now, I might hope to get five hours of sleep before Anna wakes up demanding a "bedtime snack (this is what she calls breakfast!)"

Tropical Flood Fay Pics

Some of these have nothing to do with the actual storm, they are just shots of how we passed our time stuck in the house. From top to bottom:

Anna sleeping in her new big girl bed. She sleeps with her hair all spread over the pillow and she folds her little hands before she goes to sleep. Yes, I have finally gotten her to sleep independently of me but I sneak in and take pictures of her while she is sleeping.

Jake the Koala Bear Webkinz getting some emergency surgery. I selected white thread to match his fur, but Jonathan insisted on blue, "because then he'll look cool!"

The road that we could not drive down (we saw big trucks make it just fine, but no cars attempted it)

Jonathan chair surfing. It's funny what kids come up with when they are really bored like this.

Dave digging our trenches in the front yard, which really did work. I am grateful for the memory of my former stepdad Captain Roy out digging trenches in our yard during a hurricane at Matte Drive. He was wearing a big yellow raincoat and little else. It really stuck with me for some reason (I think it was the raincoat) and I thought of it yesterday.

Jonathan showing off his balancing hanger. He was playing in his room, and he came out saying that he had balanced the hanger. He was adding weight first to one side, and then the other, to get it to balance. When he almost had it, he had to add a binder clip to the wallet. He kept testing it to see if it would swing down on one side when he hung it up. (I am sure you all get the concept of balance, but I think it is interesting that Jonathan was teaching himself this during the storm.)

Thursday!!!!!

Well, our house is dry! Very happy about that. We moved stuff up and away in the area we thought the water would come in, but it did not, so am very happy. Like I said already. Very happy! It is STILL raining. This is unbelievable. But the roads have drained a little overnight. We are thinking about venturing out. I talked to someone down in Palm Bay who was able to get around. I am just thinking of getting in the car and driving to Winn-Dixie, which is less than a mile away. We are starting to run out of food options. I mean, technically, we could live for days, but the options are starting to look very unappetizing. Anyone for a can of diced tomatoes? Mmmmm. Now if we had some chips, I could dice up some onion and garlic, throw in some spices, and try to make it pass for salsa, or bruschetta, or something. Still, have nothing to complain about this morning. Other than that our TV is mysteriously broken (like we can't even play DVDS broken), and I wrenched my stupid back last night. I got up and ran into the armoire and hurt my leg, and I guess my reaction to the pain made me twist funny. So now my back is all messed up. I was up putting ice on it all night. Sorry, said I was not going to complain.
I really am grateful that our house is okay,
and I hope (pray) all of our friends and New Hope family have fared as well as us.
I am going to get pictures of our Fay experience from camera today and share them on the blog.

Tropical Storm Fay, Wednesday, Part 4

Dave and Anna made a very delish white cake with white frosting from scratch today. In honor of the tropical storm, I guess. It was fantastic. I also got to talk to my Dad, which was good, because I really miss him. I have scrapbooked an entire month's worth of photos since the rain started. The trenches helped, for the time being, and we got a little break from the rain, but it is back again. Will the house flood? Will the house be okay? Dunno. Worried because nightfall is coming soon and we won't be able to see the water approaching the house as well. I guess that could be a good thing, in a way. Starting out it at the window does not keep it from rising further. But, we are all okay. Too much togetherness time, though, I have to say. Too much family time, too much quality time spent, in too small a house, for too long. Things have to get back to normal soon!!! I am letting Anna use up a whole alphabet sheet of epoxy scrapbooking stickers. That's how apathetic I am right now. Normally I shriek hysterically if they even approach my scrapbook stuff.

Tropical Storm Fay, Wednesday, Part 3,

Okay! So we looked outside about an hour ago and saw that their was probably about 4 inches of water pooling outside the bay window and the porch. I am not sure if I mentioned this, but the bay window is our weak point, because there is no foundation, just the wood of the bay window (some moron built it, probably in the 80s, probably while swigging back a Bud) We've (mostly Dave) have been out there digging trenches. I've been using a push broom to push the water in huge sheets down the driveway, where the water is probably 8 inches high. I am pretty short, but it comes up to my mid shin. The concerning part is that it is a solid sheet of water all the way up to the oak tree and all the way out both ways to the neighbors houses. We are referring to our street as Mimosa Lake. It would not be a good idea to try and leave our house. This is the one and only time that I have ever wished for a big ole' truck.
So we got these trenches dug and the water is flowing down towards the yard, and there is significantly less water pooling around the house. But the yard is already so flooded, and it is STILL POURING. So pretty soon our trenches will be irrelevant. I just really don't want the front of the house to flood! I love our laminate floors, and we have not even had them a year. But we are all still safe, we've got food, water, and amazingly enough, electricity.

This is incredible. I've lived here most my life, and I've never seen rain like this. My anxiety level is getting pretty high. It really seems like the storm just isn't going to leave. But you know what? I had a thought when I was outside in the rain with Dave, sloshing around in God only knows what (probably worms, slugs, leeches, cockroaches, scorpions). It was right around the time the shovel broke (the only one we have). I thought: there is no one I'd rather be digging trenches with than him. OK, you guys can go puke on your shoes now. Just had to share.
PS REALLY, REALLY WISH I HAD SOME SANDBAGS RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
PPS SCHOOL IS CLOSED AGAIN TOMORROW! Three days in a row.
Oh, and yes, I just heard on the TV that there still could be another 5-10 inches of additional rain. Lovely!

Tropical Storm Fay, Wednesday, Part Two

I really, really, really wish we had not cancelled our flood insurance. It was only like 165 a year. Of course, we have homeowner's insurance. But watching all this water fill up the yard and the pool and creep right up to our foundation, I really would appreciate the peace of mind that came with having both types of insurance. At the very least, I really would love some sandbags right about now. Thank God Dave had the foresight to go on Sunday to get a downspout and fix the front gutter off the porch. The wood post that supports the porch got eaten by termites and we had to replace it back in May. During the replacement of the post, we tore the roof of the porch apart. Dave and Terry from church fixed that up, but there was no downspout yet. If Dave had not done that, I think we would have water in the front room right now. There is easy access under the bay window because there is no foundation under it.
The kids and Dave are playing bored/board games. I think I should go join them.

Tropical Storm Fay, Wednesday

I can't sleep. I can never sleep through a hurricane or a tropical storm. Especially during a hurricane. But the power's still on, which is pretty amazing. The wind is starting to pick up a little right now, but I don't think it will be too bad. This will be the first time we actually weathered a tropical storm or hurricane in our own house. Normally, we pack up and head to my Mom's house in this type of situation. Or, during one of the hurricanes in 2004, we headed to Kentucky. I normally flee to my Mom's though, because I think her house is probably safer (just because it's newer), they normally don't lose power (they have underground power lines), they have a huge generator, and really, because I like the company. I feel safer being with more people in bad situations. I have some very fond hurricane memories, especially of my brother Jason. I also have some very unpleasant ones. Like when we came home from Kentucky and the power had already been out for a week, and our freezer was oozing with rotted red meat and all other kinds of horrible stuff. Worst smell ever. Lesson learned. We never quite got the fridge clean after that, and replaced it soon after. The pool pump had not been running for a week and the pool had turned into a green, opaque pond, complete with tadpoles. It was filled with leaves and branches and debris. That was quite an ordeal. Dave had broken his ankle and was on crutches during the evacuation and cleanup. It was hard. My great aunt Vernie also died during one of the hurricanes in 2004. My Mom had been taking care of her all summer and she was on hospice. For some reason, I knew it was her last night, and I was kind of glad for the hurricane so we could be there. I went in and checked on her a lot and sat with her. She did not know I was there because she was so close to the end. But it made me feel better.
2004 was a big trial for us. But 2005 brought us lots of happy memories: Jonathan starting to talk, going to DC and Sea World, Jonathan and I traveling to KY and NY together, getting our kitchen updated, and of course, we were blessed with a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful new baby girl just in time for Christmas of '05. So while the entire year (not just the hurricane season) of 2004 was a struggle, we were blessed with a smooth-sailing type of year in 2005.

I am really tired and this blog is very lackluster. I don't really have a point. I should try to go to sleep, or at least lay down and act like I am trying to go to sleep.
Jonathan was so bummed out when I told him he did not have school again tomorrow. He said, Oh, man! Why?! I like going to school! He really wants to go back.

Oh, and good news! Dave found my wedding band! I had mentioned in an earlier blog that I had lost it. So it's back on my finger! I don't feel like I look like a single mom now.

Tropical Storm Fay, Tuesday

Jonathan's school was cancelled for today and tomorrow. Dave's job shut down for today. My appointment for this afternoon was rescheduled, and Dave's band practice was also cancelled. So far it's just been a lot of rain. There was a tornado warning for our immediate area (my Mom called to tell me about it, I never pay attention to important stuff like this). I suggested maybe we should go in the hallway, or something, but I think Dave thought I was overreacting. I went and sat in the hallway with Anna for about 45 seconds, but then I felt really silly. Also, I felt bad that I took Anna but left Jonathan sitting in the family room with Dave. Plus it was really hurting me to sit on the floor, and Anna was having such a huge fit (the fit was not related to the tornando, but to an actual crisis: Anna wanted to peel her own orange, and I did not think she was capable. She was furious!) that I could not stand to be near her. So that was the main excitement today. Our power is still on. The front yard is pretty flooded, but thankfully our house was built up above the road. The houses on the front street into our neighborhood probably have water almost to their doors. I am a little worried about the pool overflowing, but what can I do?
I finished a book, used the treadmill, scrapbooked a little, and now we are going to eat an early dinner and just hang out. I expect that the power will go out at some point tonight, but hopefully I will be proven wrong. The kids are already a little stir-crazy. Hope all of the other Floridians are faring as well as we are!

Jonathan's First Day of Pre-K

Jonathan had a fantastic first day! At PreK! He was his usual groggy, grumpy self this morning while getting ready, until at some point he realized that today was his first day of school! Then he started jumping around and acting all excited. Dave came home from work so we could all go together. We took a LOT of pictures. He looked very handsome, and very grown-up. He wore his new z-strap Skechers, his brown Cars t-shirt and some khaki shorts (an outfit he selected the other day). He went right in his classroom, and sat down at a chair. I am so proud of him. His teacher said that he did everything except for fingerpainting, which does not suprise me. He has some issues about having dirt (or anything, really) on his fingers that he inherited from his Daddy's side of the family. Along with his genius brain! I give them credit for good and bad things. So I guess he was cooperative and good. I am so excited for him. I am so grateful that we have a good school with loving staff that we can trust with our kids. The morning flew by. Anna and I went to the library and ran some other errands, and then we went to pick him up. So it was not a big, sad thing after all. Don't you just love the picture of Jonathan and me? I am hugging him and he is like, c'mon Mom, I'm trying to do my work here. This is the last year I can ever go in his room and hug him on the first day of school. I don't want my kid to be a social outcast!

Dooligans, according to the Urban Dictionary

My brother Cory mentioned that Dooligans had some other meaning. I never really thought about it, but today I googled it, and sure enough, according to the urban dictionary (which is written by a bunch of morons and has no validity, but still!!!) dooligans means small pieces of, um, poop. I also was disturbed to find that our last name, Dooley, has some bad meanings associated with it, like drug and alcohol references, and worse yet, some sexual meanings. One of the meanings was added to the dictionary by someone named Barry McCo*ksalot, or something to that effect. Most likely NOT his real name.
On the Urban Dictionary, like all things Internet, anyone can write anything and it does not mean that it means anything to anyone.
However, in the future, if I create a different blog, I will try to be a little more careful when I choose the name. Just like I googled the names of my unborn children while choosing their name. One of the names I liked for Jonathan was the name of some criminal in South Africa. So that name, whatever it was?, went out the window.
PS I PROMISE I will not blog, not even one more time on August 17th!
3 in one day is just ridiculous. I promise that I will wait at least 12 hours. You're welcome.

Stuff

1.) Bright House just erased our entire DVR list. I am very distraught by this. They did it with our approval to try and help our stupid cable work for more than ten minutes without resetting at a time. We went back to the old software. Oh, fabulous, as I am typing this the DVR reset itself, which means we erased our entire DVR list for no reason.
2.) I can't find my wedding ring. Not my engagement ring, which I actually would not mind losing, since it's insured, but my actual wedding band, the plain gold one engraved with David and our wedding date. I am also very distraught about this.
3.) I woke up in bad pain today. It was one of my bad days where all of my skin just hurts. I wore a big baggy t-shirt (and jeans, of course) because I couldn't stand any of my other clothes. I have had one of my headaches all day with the bad spotty vision and the face tingling. My neck hurts, my elbows hurt, my back hurts.... and so on and so forth. I am not sure what is wrong with me. I mean I guess I technically know what's wrong with me, but days like this still get me anxious and depressed.
4.) Anna just pooped on the potty! All by herself without telling us. And with no assistance! She just went in there and did it! Very exciting. She came in and told us with this huge grin on her face, like she was giving us a big present. We are extremely proud. I think she really is a genius. Not just the pooping, but just in general.
5.) Fay can't make up her mind. I really can't bring myself to care. Will she skirt up the west coast, or will she cross over Florida? Who knows. Certainly not the weathermen. I already feel like I have hurricane fatigue and this is our first actual threat (right?).
6.) One of Jonathan's dreams came true today: he got z-strap Sketcher's. He has been wanting them forever. Nona Donna took him today and got them for him, just in time for his first day of school tomorrow. They are very awesome. He is a size 12 and a half now. He looks so grown up, with his short haircut and new shoes. Sniffle. Don't get me started on that again! He packed his own lunchbox for school tomorrow. He's like Bye, Mama! Catchya later! I'm outta here! And I'm like My Baby! Boo-hoo! (He will only be gone for three hours a day, and I will spend at least 40 minutes of these 3 hours driving away from and back to his school. And besides, he is almost five! I am just lucky he's not going off to full day kindergarten this year.)
7.) I can't really think of anything else. The kids are freaking out and I think Dave might be also. I should probably get off the computer and get bedtime going. Everybody's cranky, especially me.

Sunday

Okay, so for the past year or so, I have had this nagging feeling that I am supposed to go learn Spanish. I took Spanish for the required two years in high school, dreaded it everyday, and never wanted to take it again. Nothing against Spanish, of course, I am just suprisingly terrible at languages. The worst moments of my junior high years were spent in gym class, and the worst moments of my high school years were spent in Spanish class.

(I hated gym, but in high school only had to take .5 credit, and I chose weightlifting, which I loved with a passion!!! It was awesome. I did not have to flinch like a spazz all the time, because there were no balls (I am convinced dodgeball, volleyball, kickball, basketball are to blame for most of my current anxiety problems. I think gym class shortcircuited something in my brain. )flying around. I was really, really good at it too. I could squat a very large percentage of my body weight, considering I weighed about 60 pounds less back then.)

Anyways, I have been struggling against this nagging urge to go take Spanish at the community college for a while now, and I kept saying, Oh, come on! (I'm speaking to God, because I am pretty sure that's where this was coming from. It was not coming from my own desires, that's for sure.) Not Spanish!! What will I ever need Spanish for??
Well, I got a great big, that's why! this morning at church. A little girl and her mother came for the second week in a row. They seemed very unsure and ill at ease. The mother wanted to stay with her child in the nursery. Fine, fine. But I wanted to get the little girl registered, and I could not even communicate with the mom to do so. There was a total breakdown in communication. Also, if I ever want to register this child, or send home newsletters or notes to the parent, I am pretty sure in this situation, the mother could not read or fill out any forms. So, at the very least, I think I need to get some of our forms and stuff formatted in Spanish. I am quite sure that this will not be the last time we run into this. I was embarassed that I was not prepared for this beforehand. I could not welcome them, explain any policies, get any contact info.... But I am going to ask some of our wonderful nursery volunteers if they can help me create all the same documents we usually use, but in Spanish. How do you welcome someone into your family if you don't even know how to say Hi, My name is...... And you are?

But I am grateful for all of these things that God has led me to do that make me uncomfortable. Because obeying God is not all about me, and what I want, and what makes me happy. So if He wants me to lead, or to speak in front of a group (which makes me feel like I might have a stroke, but is getting a little easier every time), or to learn a little Spanish, then I need to obey whatever it is that I feel He is requiring of me. I have so far been rewarded with so much personal joy and growth every time I have stepped out a little, taken a risk. And, on the flip side, I have definitely learned that trying to ignore God's voice, trying to be intentionally disobedient, trying to drive through life on my own leads to great personal unhappiness and stagnation. I guess the question is, when am I ever going to be able to let go, and stop trying to figure it out on my own??? How many lessons do I need? Thankfully God is so gracious, good, and patient. He seems to get that I am just a human. Of course.

Pictures of TheDooligans4 August (So Far)

Friday

Today we went to Jonathan's Open House. He went right for the bristle blocks, settled in and got to work. When we were at parent orientation last night, I predicted that he would love the bristle blocks (although I did not know what they were called; I think I referred to them as those wierd block things). A parent of another child in the room praised him for what he made, and he just said, "I have Legos. I already know how to do this stuff." I love the way kids have no idea how to humble (fake).
His teachers seem fantastic. I really think they seem great and I am looking forward to him having a fun year. We looked in the Wee-3 room, where Anna will be attending, and where Jonathan went 2 years ago, and I was shocked at how tiny the little chairs were! It was hard to believe how much he has grown, in reference to the little toddler chairs. Although, even then, he was the tallest kid in the class, and looked a tad silly perched in the chair. Today I decided to add to my feelings of weepiness (my babies are going to school! my baby boy will be going to school EVERY weekday morning! my babies are growing up too fast!) by cleaning out all of their old clothes. This reminded me of how much they really have grown since last year. Even Anna, who still seems so petite to me, is so, so much bigger. Sigh. Sob.
But don't get me wrong, I am going to ENJOY my 9 hours a week where they will be at school at the same time. And I think it is going to be very beneficial for them. And I feel very confident and safe with their school and their teachers. And, let's face it, they really drive me nuts all of the time, and I should be dancing in the streets. The irony of it all is that I am always looking forward to the next milestone, and then rejoicing it and cursing it at the same time when it comes along. One more thing is checked off the list on their way to becoming independent of me. That is my ultimate goal as their mom, after all... to let them go. But being their mom gives me this overwhelming instinct to hold on to them, to cling to their babyhood and toddlerhood, to keep them safe and innocent as long as I can. But it is nearly impossible to keep them completely safe and sheltered and let them do the growing up they need to do. So everyday, I invest time in these sweet, chaotic mini people, in the hopes that they will turn into happy, functional, responsible adults. I just hold my breath and hope for the best. Who knows? (Yeah, yeah, I know it's only Pre-K...)

Jonathan was thirsty yesterday so I used it as an excuse to go through Starbucks. He got his very own bottle of water, which was icy cold and sweet. (In response to Lara's comment, water is too sweet, if you are really thirsty. So there! I stand by my choice of adjective!)
He took several sips. I glanced at him in the rearview mirror, and he said, Oh, my teeth are in winter now, Mama.
I love the way he phrases things! Not just, this drink is cold, Mama. No, no, no, this drink has transported his teeth into a whole different season! It was totally worth the $2.50.
We were reading a book the other night, about a bad cat named Nicky that is always making mischief. I kept asking the kids, oh, no what will happen if Nicky drinks that dishwashing soap, etc? When we got to the part of the book where Nicky was considering playing with an electrical outlet, I said, What will happen if you touch an outlet? Jonathan promptly said, with wide and serious eyes, You'll get lasered.
Whatever keeps him away from the outlets!

3 Things

Thing #1: Michael Phelps' Breakfast
Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day? I am a little jealous, but I have to say if anyone deserves/needs to eat like a pig, it would be him. I read about a sample menu of his daily food intake: Breakfast: 3 fried egg sandwiches, 2 cups coffee, 5 egg omelette, bowl of grits, 3 pieces of French toast, and 3 chocolate chip pancakes.
I think it's interesting that most of what he eats in a day is greasy crap; like an entire pizza for dinner (that's just one course). I thought such a magnificent athlete would eat really nutritious stuff, like 12 oz of salmon, 16 oz of fillet, 3 bags of steamed spinach, and 4 sweet potatoes. I understand the bulk and the calories, I am just suprised at the sheer, unapologetic junkiness of his diet.
Thing # 2: Ramen Noodles
I am making my kids Ramen noodles for breakfast. Ramen noodles are terrible. I said I would never feed my kids Ramen noodles. There are lots of things I said I would never do with my kids. My standards just keep getting lower as time goes on. I am not sure if motherhood is just wearing me down, or if I am just realizing that most of my standards aren't really important.
I used to eat Ramen noodles with my brother Jason after school on newspapers on the floor in front of the TV, watching Star Trek. This little girl (was it Lena?) who stayed at our house when I was a kid would swallow the noodles, and then pull them, long and stringy and intact, out of her throat. This takes a special kind of talent. I have tried it before, and it is an awful feeling. Shudder.
Thing # 3: Conflicts
My kids screamed and fought all the way down Wickham Rd over two tiny magnets. Not cute fridge magnets, just the plain, black, round ones. My Mom had given them each two to take home a few days ago, and they could only find two in the car yesterday. Jonathan claimed they were his. Anna thought they belonged to her. Much, much screaming ensued. I gripped the steering wheel and tried not to join them in their screaming. I thought about how trivial these magnets are, compared to the houseful of toys, books, and games these kids own. But to them, at this moment, these magnets were important and wholly worth fighting for. Me, having the perspective of an adult, could see that they were not worth the fight. I wanted to ask them, Can't you see this does not matter? I wondered what God, He who has the ultimate in perspective, must think of what I quarrel and bicker about in my life. What must He think when He looks down and sees me having the adult equivalent of a temper tantrum? Hmmmm.

I guess I am really thinking about one thing: relevance. Or is it perspective? It's too early in the morning to tell.
Michael Phelps eating 12,000 calories of fatty, high cholesterol food is really irrelevant to his health or his performance as an athelete. His arteries are most likely spic and span, shiny clean and new. For someone else, a diet like his would probably mean they were either bulemic, or 400 lbs and likely to drop dead sooner rather than later.
Does it really matter that I am feeding my kids Ramen noodles for breakfast? Does it make me a bad mother, in a week when Anna both potty trained and moved into her very own big girl bed? The day after Jonathan put on his swim goggles, and started swimming, long-armed strokes, hand over hand, head underwater, all the way across the pool? I cheered for him in much the same way (kind of like a freak) that Michael Phelps' mom does when he wins.
Does it matter what he ate for breakfast today, the morning that he woke up and made a fabulous Lego concoction, the best he's ever made? The week that he started recognizing the power of the printed word and asking me what every word he sees means? No, it does not matter.
Neither do the little fights (sometimes, brawl is actually a better word for them) Jonathan and Anna have everyday. Their small issues with each other are forgotten each night when they go to bed, and they wake up with something new to fight about each morning. But what is relevant is that they are building a relationship with each other, learning to fight and forgive and find their way in life.

Here's Something

I saw this survey on my friend Krista's myspace (super cool girl, wish I weren't old and married with kids so we could hang out more!) and thought I would try to answer the questions. Last time (almost 2 years ago?) I tried to answer one of these things, I started seeing my therapist again. Because I just did! not! know! the! answers! to these stupid questions! Like coffee, or tea? That really stumped me. Sent me into an identity crisis. That's what happens when I get depressed. I lose my ability to make decisions, or to have the confidence that I can make decisions. Anyone who has known me for more than a minute knows that the answer is coffee! coffee! coffee! Tea's just alright, but I don't get crazy without it. I don't practically wreck my car when I see a place that sells tea.
Anyways, I am feeling pretty strong these days, so I think I can handle this survey! Here goes:

1.) Are you wearing a necklace?
No, all my jewelry is giving me a rash all of the sudden. Usually I wear a cross that Dave gave me as a push present (in the hospital after having Jonjon).
2.) Last thing you bought while at the mall?
Hmmmm. Hate the mall, dunno. Maybe dress shoes for Jonathan to wear to my bro's wedding? But there is a darn good chance that I bought a coffee there.
3.) Who is the main person you talk to everyday?
Wish I could say Dave, but I think it's actually my mother. If we lose contact for more than 12 hours, I get nervous.
4.) Ever been in an ambulance?
Thank goodnes, no.
5.) Tell me about the shirt you're wearing.
It's a white tank top. Very blah.
6.) Do you like your name?
Actually, yes, I do. I really like my middle name also. And my last name.
7.) Do you take the escalator, elevator, or steps?
The elevator. But I avoid escalators. They make me a little jumpy. I have to stay completely focused on the moment when I need to jump off. I envy people who look perfectly at ease on escalators.
8.) When was the last time you were at a circus?
Never. Does Cirque du Soleil count? Cause it's pretty awesome.
9.) What was your last large purchase?
Define large? Ummm, I guess we spent a lot on car repair bills last month.
10.) Where will your next vacation be?
There is a good chance it will be to KY, NY, or DC. Or NC. I want to go to Raleigh again in April, although this time I will stay away from tattoo places. Probably.
11.) What was the last thing you ate?
Dave made dinner: rice, orange chicken, stir fry and veggies.
12.) Last time you were at the playground?
I don't know? Probably when I was in Kentucky. I don't go outside if possible during the summer, because it's steaming hot and there are busloads full of daycare/summer camp kids everywhere, and they are usually wild and under-supervised.
13.) Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Dave.
14.) Fancy restaraunts, diners, or fast food?
Honestly? I really don't like fancy places all that much, which is good, since I can't afford them very often. I like to eat. Pretty much anywhere. There's nothing like Taco Bell. Delish!
15.) Do you order more when you don't have to pay?
No! What kind of person does that?
16.) Could you go a day without eating?
Would I be tranquilized and hooked up to an IV, laying down in a hospital bed? That's the only way that's ever going to happen.
17.) What size shoe are you?
9, 9.5. (But my feet are friggin' beauties!)
18.) What's your stand on hunting?
I think it is completely unnecesary and I think you have to be mildly deranged to do it. I hate, hate, hate, hate it! (I only eat meat from animals that were killed in slaughterhouses.) Most animals that people hunt are not worth eating. Like a deer really tastes better than a cow?
19.) Do you have a dirty mind?
is this really a question? everyone has a dirty mind. mine is probably cleaner than most, but dirtier than some. ok, let's move on.
20.) What are you allergic to?
Penicillin, cephalasporin (both antibiotics). Mold, dust mites, dogs, cats. Grass, pollen....
21.) What would you do if you saw a person fall down a flight of stairs?
I would help them however I could. What would anyone else do? Who writes these surveys?
22.) Crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Creamy. But I love crunchy peanuts. I hate soft, boiled peanuts. Those are some kind of nasty.
23.) What are you doing tomorrow?
I have two meetings, then I am going to pick up my pottery that I made with Lara! Can't wait! I am hoping to get Dave and Jonathan to the barber shop. I will probably clean, do laundry... I know I will drink coffee. And brush my teeth, at least two times. And I will play Webkinz, because that is very important.

I cut about half the questions out. Apparently, Krista has more patience than me.

You not supposed to...

Anna is really into telling everybody what they are and are not supposed to do. For example:

"You not supposed to lick knives, Mama." (She said this to me while I was standing in the kitchen licking peanut butter off of a knife. I say peanut butter is a terrible thing to waste, although I agree knife licking is both rude and dangerous.)

"You not supposed to rip your hair out with glue, Mama." (She said this to me when she saw me waxing my legs. She was deeply disturbed by this, and after I gave myself a terrible, bleeding rash, and still have stubbly legs, I have to completely agree with this one.)

"You not supposed to put a teapot up your nose, Mama." (She said this to me after she walked in on me using my Neti Pot. It is a tiny teapot used to clean sinuses out, but I can definitely see why pouring water up your nose is an odd thing to do. Actually, I think Jonathan was more damaged by seeing me do this the first time than when he walked in on his Dad and I, um, in our bedroom.)

"You not supposed to eat dinner in your bed, Mama." (She said this to me last night, as I ate my dinner in my bed. She informed me (with her face all crinkled up in disgust) that my bed was going to be all mess-mess. Dave told her No, Mama's a really neat eater. That's right, I am. I may be a slob who eats dinner in her bed, but I am not a crumb spliller!)

Thursday, poopy, but most fun.

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Monday

I have a cold! Yesterday I stayed home from church and so did Dave and the kids. I think we all needed a day without a schedule. It was unfortunate that it had to be a Sunday, because we don't enjoy missing church. The whole past 6 weeks have been very hectic, mostly in a good way, but still, I think we needed some downtime.
I have a cold, but yesterday, I still managed to wake up to the smell of bacon! Dave made pancakes and bacon. My room is in the very back of the house, and the door was closed, but still, the smell woke me up. I had that song, Best part of wakin' up, is bacon in your cup... running through my head halfway between dreaming and waking. (I know that is not how the song goes, but that's what it changed to.) I really, really like bacon, so much more than I wish I did. How many more times can I say bacon? Bacon, bacon, bacon!
I have a cold, but I am so excited because my friend Lara is arriving today! Everyone should be so blessed to have a friend like her. My house is a wreck, my kids are dirty, my hair is scary and I look awful (from the cold), my yard is full of weeds (my Webkinz yard is GORGEOUS, however!), and my bathroom smells like pee (from Anna's potty-training, I am guessing?). But I am not stressed out. I am not going to run around trying to correct all of this mess. I know she knows how it really is. I can't be fake with her, and if I tried, she would like me less, and not more. I am so glad she is coming, because I am exhausted and I don't have the energy to try and act like everything's okay. I am sad and things are rough but I know I will still have so much fun. I love her kids so much. They are each so special and so much fun. My kids love them to visit! They bring a certain element to our house that is usually missing. They are a little less, um, restrained (read: LOUD!) than we normally are.
Anna jumped up this morning and went and picked her giraffe shirt out to wear today. She came running in and said Lara gave this to me! Back in March, I think? I don't know how she remembers all of this stuff. She is keeping track of every little thing. I wonder where she gets that from??