Maybe an answer???

Tomorrow is my appointment with the rheumatoligist (how to spell). I have been waiting five weeks to get in, and it has been three months since I first went to the doctor at all. I am a little nervous, but I am mostly just tired of worrying and even more tired of feeling awful all the time. I have tried very hard to act like I am doing fine all the time (except to Dave; he sees the real me) but I am just physically miserable and emotionally miserable from feeling bad day in and day out. I have not had a single good day in months. I wake up and I feel bad; I go to sleep and I feel bad. I sleep ten hours and I feel terrible, I sleep four hours and I feel terrible. Resting my leg against the couch hurts. My hands hurt all the time, my wrists hurt all the time. I have a fever right now and a mouth full of canker sores. I feel every single day like I am coming down with the flu. Everything hurts. Having Anna crawl around on me is like having a 200 pound person stomp on me. Am I being dramatic? I really don't think I am.
I think my Mom thinks I am depressed, and to me honest, I probably am. I can't do what I want to do with my time, with my kids, with my house, with my life. I am tired of being sick and sick of being tired. I dread being around people, like going to my small group which I love, but I just dread going because I don't feel like I have enough energy to act okay. I am a mess! A mess, I tell you!!!!!! And yes, I KNOW it could be worse. I absolutely know that, and I am so grateful that it's not, but at the same time I think it could be a whole lot better.