Today I am getting to watch the most beautiful and sweet baby, Hope, for our friend from New Hope. I had a MOPs meeting this morning, so Dave actually came home to watch her for the first hour or so. When I got home, Dave opened the door holding her, and it was like we had rewinded time about 2 and a half years! Hope looks like Anna did at this age, and she is wearing an outfit almost identical to one Anna used to wear. And Dave was holding her the same way he always held Anna, facing out and kind of balanced on his forearm (it's very safe, I'm probably not describing it right). He sure did look good with that baby in his arms! Made me start getting ideas...
But Hope will be picked up about 4:00 and I am sure after all day with three little ones, these ideas will not be acted upon. We asked Anna if she wanted a baby sister, and she said, no she wanted another big brother. 2 big bubbas she said! Hope is just sitting here in her bouncy seat, and she is completely fascinated by the two kids! Anna has not left her side all morning. So sweet!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Wednesday
So I dropped the kids off this morning at school. Anna has had the sniffles this week, but she woke up cheerful and her nose was clear last night, and she did not sneeze one time this morning before school! When I picked her up, her teacher came out to the car to tell me that her nose has been really green and yucchy and she has been sneezing profuse amounts of snot and she has been acting sick. Now I know that it really looks like I knew she was sick and dumped her off anyways, but I really did not! I would not want other kids to get sick, and really, really I would not want my precious girl to be at school when she is not feeling well.
Also, apparently Anna was very offended that they would bring a firefighter/truck to school and expect her to look at it! Jonathan got in the car and was thrilled and started telling me all about it, and she crossed her arms, and said, I NOT like that firetruck! Her teacher had circled back and was coming to tell me that Anna got really upset about the firetruck and they had to take her inside. I was really puzzled. Is she AFRAID of firetrucks? From what I could gather from Anna, she was upset because BOYS like to look at firetrucks, and she is a GIRL and she does NOT WANT TO LOOK AT THAT FIREMAN. I think her teacher thought it frightened her, which I think makes Anna look cuter and less bratty.
The kids are being really quiet right now, and they are in the bathroom, and they seem to be having a cooperative conversation. Now I hear water running. This can't be good. The only thing worse than when they fight is when they conspire together.
Also, apparently Anna was very offended that they would bring a firefighter/truck to school and expect her to look at it! Jonathan got in the car and was thrilled and started telling me all about it, and she crossed her arms, and said, I NOT like that firetruck! Her teacher had circled back and was coming to tell me that Anna got really upset about the firetruck and they had to take her inside. I was really puzzled. Is she AFRAID of firetrucks? From what I could gather from Anna, she was upset because BOYS like to look at firetrucks, and she is a GIRL and she does NOT WANT TO LOOK AT THAT FIREMAN. I think her teacher thought it frightened her, which I think makes Anna look cuter and less bratty.
The kids are being really quiet right now, and they are in the bathroom, and they seem to be having a cooperative conversation. Now I hear water running. This can't be good. The only thing worse than when they fight is when they conspire together.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Tuesday
What's going through my head tonight:
I am obsessively worrying about the CERN experiment taking place tomorrow. Since I am not smart enough to understand 6 out of every 10 words I read about it, it seems even scarier.
I can't stop biting my nails. I had stopped for about 6 weeks, but now I am gnawing them till they hurt again.
I wish my kids would just go to bed. I wish someone else were here to put them to bed. Dave's at practice.
I am upset that Anna took two permanent markers and wrote on my dining room table, but I am also glad that she chose pink, and not some ugly color I don't like.
I am happy that Jonathan's physical therapy is going so well. Just two sessions with ten days of at home exercises in between have made a huge difference.
I love my new watch that Dave got me. It's Hello Kitty, but not in an obvious way.
I am pleased that I started having the kids listen to books on CD in the car. I am really enjoying this, and since they are Magic Treehouse books (I got a huge set of them on loan from the library) I don't have to worry about them learning new cuss words. It makes our time in the car more pleasant.
I am dismayed that Jonathan allegedly used a new cuss word today that I did not know he knew. I am not sure this one could be blamed on me. I don't think I ever slip and say this one.
I am also not sure if that is really what he said. He is not an easy kid to understand. I am thinking he said something more like Stickhead. But I was not there, so I have to believe that Grandma heard what she thinks she heard. PS: I asked Jonathan after posting this, what was that bad word he said? And he said, I'm not 'pposed to say it again, Mama. And I told him, I just need to know what word you said, Just tell me. And he replies, real shamefully, and in a small voice, I said spikehead. So there you go, throw a speech problem in there with some silly made-up kid insult and you've got yourself a major misunderstanding!
I am proud that I stayed within my points for the day (I'm back on Weight Watchers).
I am looking forward to watching Baby Mama with Dave soon.
I am obsessively worrying about the CERN experiment taking place tomorrow. Since I am not smart enough to understand 6 out of every 10 words I read about it, it seems even scarier.
I can't stop biting my nails. I had stopped for about 6 weeks, but now I am gnawing them till they hurt again.
I wish my kids would just go to bed. I wish someone else were here to put them to bed. Dave's at practice.
I am upset that Anna took two permanent markers and wrote on my dining room table, but I am also glad that she chose pink, and not some ugly color I don't like.
I am happy that Jonathan's physical therapy is going so well. Just two sessions with ten days of at home exercises in between have made a huge difference.
I love my new watch that Dave got me. It's Hello Kitty, but not in an obvious way.
I am pleased that I started having the kids listen to books on CD in the car. I am really enjoying this, and since they are Magic Treehouse books (I got a huge set of them on loan from the library) I don't have to worry about them learning new cuss words. It makes our time in the car more pleasant.
I am dismayed that Jonathan allegedly used a new cuss word today that I did not know he knew. I am not sure this one could be blamed on me. I don't think I ever slip and say this one.
I am also not sure if that is really what he said. He is not an easy kid to understand. I am thinking he said something more like Stickhead. But I was not there, so I have to believe that Grandma heard what she thinks she heard. PS: I asked Jonathan after posting this, what was that bad word he said? And he said, I'm not 'pposed to say it again, Mama. And I told him, I just need to know what word you said, Just tell me. And he replies, real shamefully, and in a small voice, I said spikehead. So there you go, throw a speech problem in there with some silly made-up kid insult and you've got yourself a major misunderstanding!
I am proud that I stayed within my points for the day (I'm back on Weight Watchers).
I am looking forward to watching Baby Mama with Dave soon.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Jonathan
This morning I was struggling to put on my bra, and Jonathan walked up behind me in the bathroom. He said, "I can help you with that, Mama." I was not really paying attention, and I muttered, Oh, really? And he says, "Yeah, I've been practicing and learning." Then I'm like, Really? To which he replied, "Yeah, that bra you keep in the car, I've been practicing to do those snaps."
First of all, I am not sure I want my son to be adept at bras at any age, but really, really, not at 4. What is he, in training to be a lady's man?
And the other thing, I was not aware I even had a bra in the car! Sure enough, I looked in the backseat, and I did. People have probably been peering in my car at stoplights, watching this little boy in his booster seat fastening and unfastening a bra. They probably think he does not have any toys and has to amuse himself otherwise.
Jonathan has been doing great at school. He has this big red tub in his room, and every weekend he looks forward to what will be in it on Monday. They change the contents out every week. Anna has one in her room also. I kept talking to them about it, hyping it up, oh, I wonder what's going to be in your big red bucket this week? Jonathan looked at me with a cool stare the other night, and said, It's called a sensory tub, Mama.
Oh, okay. Clearly, that big red bucket full of uncooked rice or buttons or sand, it's a sensory tub.
So, last night at dinner, Jonathan was playing with his food, digging down deep and rifling through his pile of couscous with his hands. I was like, Child, have you lost your mind?! (This is one of those things I find myself saying, and I hate myself when I say it, but it keeps falling out of my mouth.)
He told me, This is my sensory tub, Mama. (Always the clever one!)
Um, yeah, that's not gonna fly, Buddy! (This is something that I say that is straight out of my own Mom's mouth.)
That's part of why the kids go to school. School provides them with messy sensory experiences, such as sandboxes and fingerpaints, lots of playtime out in the hot sunshine (I REALLY DO NOT LIKE TO BE OUTDOORS), opportunities to play noisy, headache-inducing instruments, and be amongst hordes of loud, screechy children.
There's a whole lot of annoying contained in the walls of that preschool, and I am SUPER grateful for that.
But, no, we are not going to excuse being up to your elbows in your dinner, Jonathan, just because you are trying to pass it off as a sensory learning experience.
First of all, I am not sure I want my son to be adept at bras at any age, but really, really, not at 4. What is he, in training to be a lady's man?
And the other thing, I was not aware I even had a bra in the car! Sure enough, I looked in the backseat, and I did. People have probably been peering in my car at stoplights, watching this little boy in his booster seat fastening and unfastening a bra. They probably think he does not have any toys and has to amuse himself otherwise.
Jonathan has been doing great at school. He has this big red tub in his room, and every weekend he looks forward to what will be in it on Monday. They change the contents out every week. Anna has one in her room also. I kept talking to them about it, hyping it up, oh, I wonder what's going to be in your big red bucket this week? Jonathan looked at me with a cool stare the other night, and said, It's called a sensory tub, Mama.
Oh, okay. Clearly, that big red bucket full of uncooked rice or buttons or sand, it's a sensory tub.
So, last night at dinner, Jonathan was playing with his food, digging down deep and rifling through his pile of couscous with his hands. I was like, Child, have you lost your mind?! (This is one of those things I find myself saying, and I hate myself when I say it, but it keeps falling out of my mouth.)
He told me, This is my sensory tub, Mama. (Always the clever one!)
Um, yeah, that's not gonna fly, Buddy! (This is something that I say that is straight out of my own Mom's mouth.)
That's part of why the kids go to school. School provides them with messy sensory experiences, such as sandboxes and fingerpaints, lots of playtime out in the hot sunshine (I REALLY DO NOT LIKE TO BE OUTDOORS), opportunities to play noisy, headache-inducing instruments, and be amongst hordes of loud, screechy children.
There's a whole lot of annoying contained in the walls of that preschool, and I am SUPER grateful for that.
But, no, we are not going to excuse being up to your elbows in your dinner, Jonathan, just because you are trying to pass it off as a sensory learning experience.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
5 Things About Us
5 Things About Jamie:
1.) Has never heard the song Amazing Grace without crying.
2.) Uses those address labels you get from charities in the mail ; has never once has made a donation in return.
3.) Sleeps with her glasses on, in case she needs to see something in the dark.
4.) Is sort of vain about her feet.
5.) Has a tattoo, and does not regret it.
5 Things About Dave:
1.) Eats ice-cream every morning for breakfast.
2.) Watches TV muted with closed captioning on.
3.) Loves NPR.
4.) Remember the plot of every movie he has ever seen and every book he has ever read.
5.) Hates to trim his toenails; only does it as a last resort (like when they are touching the ends of his shoes and frightening Jamie).
5 Things About Jonathan:
1.) Could live off of chocolate milk, peanut butter sandwiches, and baby carrots.
2.) Has never once wiped his own butt (we need to work on this before the big K next fall).
3.) Hates getting his hands dirty, even for fun.
4.) Loves his "alone time,"and requires solitude on a daily basis.
5.) Also hates having his toenails trimmed. Almost never happens, he just sort of lets them curl and peel off.
5 Things About Anna:
1.) Loves to chat on the phone.
2.) Is a bit of a daredevil.
3.) Hates toothpaste with a passion (no matter what kind).
4.) Loves the color yellow.
5.) Thinks "Poo-poo head" is the funniest joke ever.
1.) Has never heard the song Amazing Grace without crying.
2.) Uses those address labels you get from charities in the mail ; has never once has made a donation in return.
3.) Sleeps with her glasses on, in case she needs to see something in the dark.
4.) Is sort of vain about her feet.
5.) Has a tattoo, and does not regret it.
5 Things About Dave:
1.) Eats ice-cream every morning for breakfast.
2.) Watches TV muted with closed captioning on.
3.) Loves NPR.
4.) Remember the plot of every movie he has ever seen and every book he has ever read.
5.) Hates to trim his toenails; only does it as a last resort (like when they are touching the ends of his shoes and frightening Jamie).
5 Things About Jonathan:
1.) Could live off of chocolate milk, peanut butter sandwiches, and baby carrots.
2.) Has never once wiped his own butt (we need to work on this before the big K next fall).
3.) Hates getting his hands dirty, even for fun.
4.) Loves his "alone time,"and requires solitude on a daily basis.
5.) Also hates having his toenails trimmed. Almost never happens, he just sort of lets them curl and peel off.
5 Things About Anna:
1.) Loves to chat on the phone.
2.) Is a bit of a daredevil.
3.) Hates toothpaste with a passion (no matter what kind).
4.) Loves the color yellow.
5.) Thinks "Poo-poo head" is the funniest joke ever.
Saturday
My crop last night was fun, although I got nothing accomplished. I stayed up super late reading New Moon, and I think I changed my mind about the whole vampire vs. werewolf debate. I was leaning towards werewolf, but Edward Cullen came back and got awfully romantic at the end. So now I am thinking vampire. For Bella, not me. Just to clarify. I am very happy with my human husband and don't pine for mythical monsters. Anways!
Dave went to work this morning from 6-10. When he came home, we played the What do you want to do? I dunno, what do you wanna do? game for a while. Then we sort of gave up and let the kids decide on our outing. So it turned out we went to Mustard's Last Stand for hot dogs (Jonathan's pick) and then to the library (Anna's pick). The kids went and grabbed a table and sat at it patiently while we ordered at the counter. The food was delicious, as always, although a total sabatoge of my first day back on Weight Watchers. The library was fun. They put up this sign in the children's section, in real big, agressive font, PARENTS! CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN! If a sign like that ever helped anything, we should post them everywhere.
Jonathan got a Batman book, Anna pickout out Little Critter and Arthur books, I got a novel, and Dave got a Star Wars and some other sci-fi book. I felt like our family was so wholesome and literary. We still have no TV. I have forgotten what it's even like to own one. I could care less if it ever comes back, until The Office season premiere comes on (Sept. 25? I think?). Then we are just going to have to lug the old broken Sony out and plug it in to our new basic cable. But until then, we'll just wait, and wait, and wait some more. We've made progress. The TV has at least left our house and headed to the repair shop. But I sort of feel like the Samsung is already dead and buried. I just don't have any faith that TV will ever come back.
Dave's at the grocery store. I am wrapped up in a blanket, drinking hot tea. I have a sudden cold! I had one earlier this week and snapped out of it, but now it's returned, times two.
It looks like Ike won't be coming our way. I had sort of gotten a little excited about going to KY to evacuate. I am sure we might get another opportunity to evacuate. Maybe Josephine? Obviously, though, I really don't wish for the hurricanes to come here.
Dave went to work this morning from 6-10. When he came home, we played the What do you want to do? I dunno, what do you wanna do? game for a while. Then we sort of gave up and let the kids decide on our outing. So it turned out we went to Mustard's Last Stand for hot dogs (Jonathan's pick) and then to the library (Anna's pick). The kids went and grabbed a table and sat at it patiently while we ordered at the counter. The food was delicious, as always, although a total sabatoge of my first day back on Weight Watchers. The library was fun. They put up this sign in the children's section, in real big, agressive font, PARENTS! CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN! If a sign like that ever helped anything, we should post them everywhere.
Jonathan got a Batman book, Anna pickout out Little Critter and Arthur books, I got a novel, and Dave got a Star Wars and some other sci-fi book. I felt like our family was so wholesome and literary. We still have no TV. I have forgotten what it's even like to own one. I could care less if it ever comes back, until The Office season premiere comes on (Sept. 25? I think?). Then we are just going to have to lug the old broken Sony out and plug it in to our new basic cable. But until then, we'll just wait, and wait, and wait some more. We've made progress. The TV has at least left our house and headed to the repair shop. But I sort of feel like the Samsung is already dead and buried. I just don't have any faith that TV will ever come back.
Dave's at the grocery store. I am wrapped up in a blanket, drinking hot tea. I have a sudden cold! I had one earlier this week and snapped out of it, but now it's returned, times two.
It looks like Ike won't be coming our way. I had sort of gotten a little excited about going to KY to evacuate. I am sure we might get another opportunity to evacuate. Maybe Josephine? Obviously, though, I really don't wish for the hurricanes to come here.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Friday afternoon
What's going on:
I am making bbq chicken, sauteed onions, corn, and mac and cheese. Nothin' green.
The kids are playing nicely in their room after an afternoon of screeching and squabling. They are making nice now that Daddy is on his way home. Maybe they overheard me tell him on the phone that they were driving me nuts, and now they are conspiring to make me look crazy. Lately, I guess I have not needed any help in that area.
I sort of almost burnt the chicken and the kitchen was filled with smoke. So I opened the kitchen window and turned on the exhaust fan. Two things happened: Sprite came to the window and started bawling her head off (this cat does not meow, she cries!) and this petrified lizard that had been caught between the window and the screen for months (maybe a year?) fell out and into the kitchen sink. I have been avoiding that lizard for so long now, and then I was forced to deal with it. Couldn't just leave it in the kitchen sink. I've been cleaning all afternoon so I did not want something as unattractive as a sun-dried lizard in the sink when Dave came home.
We are watching Ike and wondering if we might be taking a trip to Grandma Jane's in KY this coming week. We'll have to wait and see. It seems that we will be likely to take a trip up there to escape a hurricane at some point this fall. We're always up for a road trip, but don't really want a hurricane to be the motivation for going.
I am headed out to a scrapbooking night tonight! Very much looking forward to that! I am going to scrapbook December of 2007, and I have some fantastic pink/green Christmas papers that I am going to use.
Anna is walking around chatting on the phone with her Uncle Coco (my bro. Cory). That girl loves to talk on the phone! She's just like her Nona Donna, she has to walk around the whole time she talks. Jonathan is in his room making some mad Lego creations. He is getting REALLY good! Not even 5, and he's already surpassed me.
After scrapbooking, I am going to come home and stay up late reading New Moon (the second Twilight series) book. I am halfway through and it has suddenly turned very suspenseful.
I keep thinking, if I were Bella, and if I had to choose between a vampire and a werewolf, who would I choose? The answer seems pretty obvious to me. Any out there read these books, and read this blog, and would like to tell me what you think?
Hope everyone has a fab. Friday evening!
I am making bbq chicken, sauteed onions, corn, and mac and cheese. Nothin' green.
The kids are playing nicely in their room after an afternoon of screeching and squabling. They are making nice now that Daddy is on his way home. Maybe they overheard me tell him on the phone that they were driving me nuts, and now they are conspiring to make me look crazy. Lately, I guess I have not needed any help in that area.
I sort of almost burnt the chicken and the kitchen was filled with smoke. So I opened the kitchen window and turned on the exhaust fan. Two things happened: Sprite came to the window and started bawling her head off (this cat does not meow, she cries!) and this petrified lizard that had been caught between the window and the screen for months (maybe a year?) fell out and into the kitchen sink. I have been avoiding that lizard for so long now, and then I was forced to deal with it. Couldn't just leave it in the kitchen sink. I've been cleaning all afternoon so I did not want something as unattractive as a sun-dried lizard in the sink when Dave came home.
We are watching Ike and wondering if we might be taking a trip to Grandma Jane's in KY this coming week. We'll have to wait and see. It seems that we will be likely to take a trip up there to escape a hurricane at some point this fall. We're always up for a road trip, but don't really want a hurricane to be the motivation for going.
I am headed out to a scrapbooking night tonight! Very much looking forward to that! I am going to scrapbook December of 2007, and I have some fantastic pink/green Christmas papers that I am going to use.
Anna is walking around chatting on the phone with her Uncle Coco (my bro. Cory). That girl loves to talk on the phone! She's just like her Nona Donna, she has to walk around the whole time she talks. Jonathan is in his room making some mad Lego creations. He is getting REALLY good! Not even 5, and he's already surpassed me.
After scrapbooking, I am going to come home and stay up late reading New Moon (the second Twilight series) book. I am halfway through and it has suddenly turned very suspenseful.
I keep thinking, if I were Bella, and if I had to choose between a vampire and a werewolf, who would I choose? The answer seems pretty obvious to me. Any out there read these books, and read this blog, and would like to tell me what you think?
Hope everyone has a fab. Friday evening!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
You might be crazy if...
Your therapist gets a new car and it almost makes you have a meltdown.
Explanation:
Okay, so those of you who are in the know (you poor, poor people!) and those of you who have just sensed the crazy lately, are aware that I have been sort of teetering on the brink. On the brink of what, I am not exactly sure, but I don't think I want to find out. Last week things got really bad. I went to the rheumatologist (the Dr. who put me on the medicine to help with my pain and other fibro. symptoms) to discuss my "issues." I won't go into details, but let me just say that I have dealt with some pretty yucky emotional stuff in the past, and I have never felt the way I felt last week. The word I could best use to describe it would be desperate. My medication, or my condition, one of the two, (to be determined) was giving me some pretty wicked side effects, or symptoms. My feet and hands were going numb and tingling like crazy, I had feeling of electric shocks going through my head, my right side of my face was numb, when I drank water I felt like my face was being shocked. Have any of you ever stuck your tongue on a nine-volt battery? Like that, but all over my face and zapping through my brain. On top of this, my blood pressure was quite high and my pulse up, from anxiety, or just my old hypertension creeping back in to the picture? In addition, if I moved my head from one side or the other, I would feel like I was going to blackout. I had to be careful to turn my head very, very slowly. My vision was constantly being obstructed by all my spots and visual disturbances. My mind was racing all the time, I could not complete my sentences and I was having a problem getting my hands to type the correct letters on the keyboard. (Lara can vouch for this!) When I walked, the room seemed to be turning, or I was listing to one side. By Thursday night, I was pretty sure I was having mini-strokes or maybe a brain tumor or something.
So was I anxious from feeling bad, or feeling bad from being anxious? I don't know. But I can tell you that my life has been very happy and blessed lately. I have an amazing husband, kids who bring me unspeakable joy, I feel like I have been growing in my faith lately so much, and I have been feeling an unprecedented level of contentment with my life. So all of these symptoms were not accompanied by my normal thoughts and feelings of anxiety. None of this was making any sense to me at all. I had to think it might be the medicine (or maybe one of the many medicines I have swung on and off all year in an effort to manage my fibro?) Anyways, I went to the Dr. He listened to my complaints with only very mild concern. I mean come on, I think I either sound like a lunatic or someone who is about to keel over! Don't these symptoms sound a little alarming to anyone else? Is it just me?? He took my blood pressure, and then he cut my medicine in half, gave me some blood pressure medicine, and gave me some anxiety medicine to help me relax and go to sleep. So I left the appointment very relieved that he did not seem too worried, but also very puzzled about what the hey is going on with me. But I made it through the weekend with increasingly fewer brain zaps and face shocks, and I seem to be getting better with the typing and the finishing of thoughts. My blood pressure is being effectively lowered, which is good, so I'm not walking around with 170/110 all the time. Woo-hoo.
So, I said I was going to explain about the car! I had an appointment with my therapist this morning, and I was swinging my car into the parking spot, when I realized, with sudden panic that her car was not there! I was freaking out! Where could she BE? Doesn't she know I NEED HER? What could possibly be more IMPORTANT THAN ME??? My mind raced with all of the possible scenarios: her car's broken, so she had to hitch a ride with a co-worker, her pet is seriously ill and had to be rushed to the animal hospital (I have absolutely no idea if she has a pet), maybe she fell on the floor, clutching her heart, and I just missed the ambulance! Oh NO! Wait, that would not work, because her car would still be here. I go in to the waiting room, and try to act nonchalant when I check in with the receptionist, who says, Hi! Jamie, I'll let her know you're here! I could have wept. She's here! I REALLY need my therapist right now. How much so, I did not realize until this morning.
So when I see her and she's escorting me down the hall, do I act normal? No! I say, (almost accusingly) Where is your car??? And she says, in a calm voice that is well accustomed to dealing with all sort of crazy, Well, I traded it in for a new one. And so on and so forth.
At the end of our session, as she was walking me out, I said, Hey, next time you're gonna do something like that, give me some notice first! Fill me in if there's gonna be a big change like that! She just laughed. She thinks I have a wonderful sense of humor. I really wasn't completely kidding.
So, here's the reality check for me: although I may be thinking I feel better, I am still not completely okay right now, if something like my therapist's car being absent from the parking lot can send me into a tailspin. Why do I even know what kind of car she drives? Why do I have to check for it compulsively everytime I pull in? I have an appointment, of course I should expect she will be there.
Explanation:
Okay, so those of you who are in the know (you poor, poor people!) and those of you who have just sensed the crazy lately, are aware that I have been sort of teetering on the brink. On the brink of what, I am not exactly sure, but I don't think I want to find out. Last week things got really bad. I went to the rheumatologist (the Dr. who put me on the medicine to help with my pain and other fibro. symptoms) to discuss my "issues." I won't go into details, but let me just say that I have dealt with some pretty yucky emotional stuff in the past, and I have never felt the way I felt last week. The word I could best use to describe it would be desperate. My medication, or my condition, one of the two, (to be determined) was giving me some pretty wicked side effects, or symptoms. My feet and hands were going numb and tingling like crazy, I had feeling of electric shocks going through my head, my right side of my face was numb, when I drank water I felt like my face was being shocked. Have any of you ever stuck your tongue on a nine-volt battery? Like that, but all over my face and zapping through my brain. On top of this, my blood pressure was quite high and my pulse up, from anxiety, or just my old hypertension creeping back in to the picture? In addition, if I moved my head from one side or the other, I would feel like I was going to blackout. I had to be careful to turn my head very, very slowly. My vision was constantly being obstructed by all my spots and visual disturbances. My mind was racing all the time, I could not complete my sentences and I was having a problem getting my hands to type the correct letters on the keyboard. (Lara can vouch for this!) When I walked, the room seemed to be turning, or I was listing to one side. By Thursday night, I was pretty sure I was having mini-strokes or maybe a brain tumor or something.
So was I anxious from feeling bad, or feeling bad from being anxious? I don't know. But I can tell you that my life has been very happy and blessed lately. I have an amazing husband, kids who bring me unspeakable joy, I feel like I have been growing in my faith lately so much, and I have been feeling an unprecedented level of contentment with my life. So all of these symptoms were not accompanied by my normal thoughts and feelings of anxiety. None of this was making any sense to me at all. I had to think it might be the medicine (or maybe one of the many medicines I have swung on and off all year in an effort to manage my fibro?) Anyways, I went to the Dr. He listened to my complaints with only very mild concern. I mean come on, I think I either sound like a lunatic or someone who is about to keel over! Don't these symptoms sound a little alarming to anyone else? Is it just me?? He took my blood pressure, and then he cut my medicine in half, gave me some blood pressure medicine, and gave me some anxiety medicine to help me relax and go to sleep. So I left the appointment very relieved that he did not seem too worried, but also very puzzled about what the hey is going on with me. But I made it through the weekend with increasingly fewer brain zaps and face shocks, and I seem to be getting better with the typing and the finishing of thoughts. My blood pressure is being effectively lowered, which is good, so I'm not walking around with 170/110 all the time. Woo-hoo.
So, I said I was going to explain about the car! I had an appointment with my therapist this morning, and I was swinging my car into the parking spot, when I realized, with sudden panic that her car was not there! I was freaking out! Where could she BE? Doesn't she know I NEED HER? What could possibly be more IMPORTANT THAN ME??? My mind raced with all of the possible scenarios: her car's broken, so she had to hitch a ride with a co-worker, her pet is seriously ill and had to be rushed to the animal hospital (I have absolutely no idea if she has a pet), maybe she fell on the floor, clutching her heart, and I just missed the ambulance! Oh NO! Wait, that would not work, because her car would still be here. I go in to the waiting room, and try to act nonchalant when I check in with the receptionist, who says, Hi! Jamie, I'll let her know you're here! I could have wept. She's here! I REALLY need my therapist right now. How much so, I did not realize until this morning.
So when I see her and she's escorting me down the hall, do I act normal? No! I say, (almost accusingly) Where is your car??? And she says, in a calm voice that is well accustomed to dealing with all sort of crazy, Well, I traded it in for a new one. And so on and so forth.
At the end of our session, as she was walking me out, I said, Hey, next time you're gonna do something like that, give me some notice first! Fill me in if there's gonna be a big change like that! She just laughed. She thinks I have a wonderful sense of humor. I really wasn't completely kidding.
So, here's the reality check for me: although I may be thinking I feel better, I am still not completely okay right now, if something like my therapist's car being absent from the parking lot can send me into a tailspin. Why do I even know what kind of car she drives? Why do I have to check for it compulsively everytime I pull in? I have an appointment, of course I should expect she will be there.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Anna
It seems like every time we drop Jonathan off at school, Anna and I wind up at Target. Target is my favorite place. I just like to walk around and soak up the atmosphere. I don't like SuperTarget for some reason. Just regular Target. It's one of the reasons I love where we live. So close to Target!
Anyways, Anna is so much fun to shop with! She loves going to Starbucks and getting vanilla milk or over to the snack bar to get an Icee. She is so impressed with their merchandising, and always notices if there are new cardboard cutouts hanging from the ceiling. And she NEVER has a fit about wanting a toy. Even if we go through the toy aisles, which is really puzzling.
Today when we were leaving she got all excited and pointed at a little Toyota parked in a handicapped spot. "That's a cool car, Mama!" I was a little baffled about why it was cool. It really did look the opposite of cool. I said, "Oh, you like that car?" And she said, "Yeah! It's so cool! It has TWO black guns on the back!"
She was talking about the wheelchair rack on the back! You can just tell she has a big brother!
Anyways, Anna is so much fun to shop with! She loves going to Starbucks and getting vanilla milk or over to the snack bar to get an Icee. She is so impressed with their merchandising, and always notices if there are new cardboard cutouts hanging from the ceiling. And she NEVER has a fit about wanting a toy. Even if we go through the toy aisles, which is really puzzling.
Today when we were leaving she got all excited and pointed at a little Toyota parked in a handicapped spot. "That's a cool car, Mama!" I was a little baffled about why it was cool. It really did look the opposite of cool. I said, "Oh, you like that car?" And she said, "Yeah! It's so cool! It has TWO black guns on the back!"
She was talking about the wheelchair rack on the back! You can just tell she has a big brother!
New Hope Church
Okay, so I personally think our worship at New Hope is awesome. And I don't think it is just because Dave's in the band. Yesterday he was not even up there, and I was just loving the music! I have never had music move me so much before. Literally! I am starting to loosen up a little. Normally I just stand straight and embarassed, barely singing and sort of mime-clapping (not actually making any noise, because I am so worried about being off the beat). But during one of Pastor Luke's sermons, he said that when he was at church, he was gonna sing "like a hyena on crack" because he was worshipping God. That really stuck with me, partially because it was so hysterical, but also because I have always had a problem where I feel like because I can't sing, I just shouldn't. But I've started to realize that sounding good and looking normal have nothing to do with praise and worship time at church.
Anyways, yesterday, I was really loving the music, and I was clapping and everything, not self-conscious for once (since it's not about me!) and... my bra flew open! Lord. It was one of those front clasp ones, and since all my other bras were in the wash, I was forced to wear this particular one, which not only has the funky front clasp, but is quite padded. So I had to get from the front of church all the way to the restroom with my actual boobs free and uncaged, and with my extra padded boobs flapping out to the sides under my shirt. I sort of kept my hands glued to my sides and walked penguin-style to the restroom. So when I say the music at New Hope is good, I mean it's so good, it might make your bra fly right open!
Anyways, yesterday, I was really loving the music, and I was clapping and everything, not self-conscious for once (since it's not about me!) and... my bra flew open! Lord. It was one of those front clasp ones, and since all my other bras were in the wash, I was forced to wear this particular one, which not only has the funky front clasp, but is quite padded. So I had to get from the front of church all the way to the restroom with my actual boobs free and uncaged, and with my extra padded boobs flapping out to the sides under my shirt. I sort of kept my hands glued to my sides and walked penguin-style to the restroom. So when I say the music at New Hope is good, I mean it's so good, it might make your bra fly right open!
"Like Harry Potter."
Yesterday I was in the car with just Jonathan. We were listening to the radio. There was an announcement about the need for foster and adoptive parents in the Orlando area. It was really sad, all about how some kids don't have anyone to provide them with happy childhood memories. I was listening to it, and remembering when my parents decided to open our home to foster children. I glanced in the rearview mirror, and Jonathan's face was so concerned! I realized he had actually been listening to the whole thing, so I turned off the radio and tried to explain why some kids don't have parents to take care of them, and what a foster home is, and so on and so forth. Jonathan let me ramble on for a while, and then he said, Like Harry Potter.
I practically screamed Yes! Exactly LIKE HARRY POTTER! and smacked the steering wheel. He sort of jumped and looked at me like I was crazy. I just get so excited when he makes connections like these! He probably saw Harry Potter one time, a really long time ago. I mean, it was not exactly like Harry Potter's situation. His parents were killed by a wizard (right?) and he was forced to live with a mean aunt and uncle, who kept his real identity a secret, while the children in foster care probably lose their parents to the court system and prison. If only I had just said, you know, like Harry Potter? to begin with. I could have spared us both the talk about how some mommies and daddies do bad things so the policemen have to come and take their kids away for a little while until they can learn to do the right things.... He will probably have anxiety about this for a long time now. Like if Mommy burns her hand and said the F word, will the police come and take us away?
I practically screamed Yes! Exactly LIKE HARRY POTTER! and smacked the steering wheel. He sort of jumped and looked at me like I was crazy. I just get so excited when he makes connections like these! He probably saw Harry Potter one time, a really long time ago. I mean, it was not exactly like Harry Potter's situation. His parents were killed by a wizard (right?) and he was forced to live with a mean aunt and uncle, who kept his real identity a secret, while the children in foster care probably lose their parents to the court system and prison. If only I had just said, you know, like Harry Potter? to begin with. I could have spared us both the talk about how some mommies and daddies do bad things so the policemen have to come and take their kids away for a little while until they can learn to do the right things.... He will probably have anxiety about this for a long time now. Like if Mommy burns her hand and said the F word, will the police come and take us away?
Monday, September 1, 2008
I wish I had a dog like that...
I was on Facebook just now looking at pictures of my friend's 9 week old boxer puppy. Her name's Bella, and she makes me want a dog the way a newborn makes me want a baby. Just for a minute, then I think about the sleepless nights, the potty-training, the messes and the extra work.
I told Jonathan I was looking at pictures of Charlie's new dog. He looked at the puppy's picture and said, "I wish I had a dog like that." Dave immediately said, "First we have to get rid of two cats." This is what he always says at any mention of a new pet. (Even fish! He is very serious about this.)
Jonathan replied, "I know how to get rid of two cats." Dave and I were a little scared of how he might go about offing two cats, so we asked him how. He shrugged, and said "You just sell them. You get someone here and you give them away." Phew! I was a little concerned he was going to say something sinister, and I would have yet another thing to worry about. Everyone knows a kid who harms animals is not good.
Dave can sell anything. Not like in a used car salesman way, but he is really good at selling stuff that has been deemed worthless and throwaway by me. I think it's because he really believes that his goods are actually worth something. He once sold a nasty old mattress set that had been in our garage being shed on and clawed by our two cats for 100 bucks. I was too embarassed to even come outside when the people came to look at it. I still wonder if they just felt sorry for us and that's why they whipped out the checkbook and carted the matresses away. So Jonathan thinks we can sell our 2 old flea-ridden, squirrel-killing cats and buy a dog.
If Dave could sell Sabrina and Sprite, then I really do believe he could sell anything.
I told Jonathan I was looking at pictures of Charlie's new dog. He looked at the puppy's picture and said, "I wish I had a dog like that." Dave immediately said, "First we have to get rid of two cats." This is what he always says at any mention of a new pet. (Even fish! He is very serious about this.)
Jonathan replied, "I know how to get rid of two cats." Dave and I were a little scared of how he might go about offing two cats, so we asked him how. He shrugged, and said "You just sell them. You get someone here and you give them away." Phew! I was a little concerned he was going to say something sinister, and I would have yet another thing to worry about. Everyone knows a kid who harms animals is not good.
Dave can sell anything. Not like in a used car salesman way, but he is really good at selling stuff that has been deemed worthless and throwaway by me. I think it's because he really believes that his goods are actually worth something. He once sold a nasty old mattress set that had been in our garage being shed on and clawed by our two cats for 100 bucks. I was too embarassed to even come outside when the people came to look at it. I still wonder if they just felt sorry for us and that's why they whipped out the checkbook and carted the matresses away. So Jonathan thinks we can sell our 2 old flea-ridden, squirrel-killing cats and buy a dog.
If Dave could sell Sabrina and Sprite, then I really do believe he could sell anything.
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