Jonathan and Anna are thankful for...

Anna:
Mama and Daddy
Mama's Dumplings
the color aqua
parties
cats

Jonathan:
My sister
Mama's dumplings
school because I learn to read
church
art class
food
water
doggies
trees

Anna's First Horseback Lesson

Anna started horseback lessons today! She got to ride Honey.

Dave said she had so much fun and she wasn't scared at all. I asked her, "How was riding a horse?" She thought for a few seconds and said, "BUMPY!"

Wacky Wild World

Pictured above... Anna's "Wacky Wild World"
Some moms may construe this as their child making a giant mess, and think of it almost like an act of aggression, but I remember what it was like to do this, to be this. I am this. I am mess. I understand this. When I create or do assignments or projects or even cook, I make a huge, sprawling mess. But that's how much room I need to accomplish what I want. And this may look like she dragged random pieces of junk out from her room, but to Anna, this is her own little world, and it all makes sense to her. She placed those objects there for a reason. The Minnie Mouse ears have something to do with it all. Giant Scary Barbie is wearing bunny ears. (Which I don't find incongruous at all, considering the way she is dressed!) The bunny ears reminded me of the I WANT TO BE A BUNNY controversy. I absolutely refused to allow my daughter to be a bunny for Halloween. Hugh Hefner has totally ruined the bunny dress up costume. She decided instead on Super Girl, which was one of the few that met my approval. Costumes even for preschoolers seem unnecessarily suggestive. Speaking of Halloween, how did it get to be almost Thanksgiving? How did this happen? And basically, every minute between now and the 3rd of January is planned out. Probably the holidays have crept up on me this year because every minute of my life has been scheduled since August. If I have 15 extra minutes, I think, How could I best use this time? I guess my husband is used to always thinking this way. But for me, not so much. My brain feels spongy and dry. I've written over 6,000 words since yesterday. Yesterday was such a bad day. We had an upsetting appointment at Arnold Palmer for Jonathan, and then our car completely broke down and died in Orlando. We almost made it into a gas station, and then the car was trying to roll back into the road. A kind local thug helped us push it in the general area of a parking spot. Luckily, we were only 3/10 of a mile from the service station that replaced the alternator (which was still under warranty from when my brother fixed it for us {AND that was WAY cheaper!} If only it had broken down near home, but I guess we don't get much say in these things.) That meant the tow truck only cost $90. But, the important thing about yesterday, Jon finally realized a lifelong dream: He got to ride in a tow truck. So it was all worth it. Somewhat. Anyways, feel like I am not making sense, and it makes absolutely no sense to be sitting out here typing even 10 more words to add to my grand total for the past 24 hours. Why am I not in my bed???

Jonathan

On Monday we head back over to Orlando to Arnold Palmer to have someone who is supposed to be one of the best pediatric orthopedic surgeons around look at Jonathan again and re-evaluate. We have seen him several times, and he has never really provided a definitive answer for us. Jonathan's problems have gotten worse over the past few months. It is starting to cause some self esteem issues for him. He is starting to be really aware of his differences. I wish I could fix it. But I can't. And I don't think there is ever going to be a fix. I think we need a different way of managing his problems to lessen the impact on other joints. I don't agree with the current treatment plan... which is basically to do nothing. That is why we have another appointment lined up with a different ortho specialist for early December. I worry about him all the time. I know there is nothing critically wrong with him and I try to remember to be grateful for this. But it wears me down over time, so many, many years of dealing with it, and now having to deal more with the emotional aspect of his issues... it is hard. I wouldn't change one thing about Jonathan. But I certainly wish I could fix this one thing. And those two statements don't really go together. He asked me the other day whose fault is it about his leg? I said, I don't know, buddy. And he said, Well, maybe it is your fault because I came out of your belly when I was a baby. To which I had to leave the room and start crying my eyes out, because basically, deep down, I have always felt it was my fault. Maybe if I hadn't been considered high risk when I was pregnant. Maybe if I hadn't had high blood pressure or been so overweight when I got pregnant with him...Maybe if the ob/gyn had elected to do a c-section instead of letting me push for 2 and a half hours straight. I always think about my delivery with him when various doctors over the years bring up cerebral palsy. Birth-related injury... I know God made Jonathan, and I just carried him in my womb, but I do feel like somehow it is my fault, and to hear him verbalize that fear, it just made me crumble. Anyways, it seems wrong to have titled this post Jonathan, because this is just one tiny little facet of Jonathan. There is so much more to him than just his small physical issues. But when he is in physical or emotional pain because of them, it is hard for me to maintain perspective. I don't want him to be perfect, but I want things to be perfect for him.

Halloween 2010

The whole gang before we left to Trick or Treat! Michael Jackson, Captain Jack Sparrow, Super Girl, a Gangster and a Pimp to name a few! Lots of variety!

Anna and me with our pumpkin we carved the day before. It was a group effort, and we added the Hello Kitty stick-ons at the last minute before lighting.

Who knew Super Girl's daddy is a pirate?

Super Girl giving Michael Jackson some attitude. Bakugun Dragonoid in the background.

All the menfolk together.

This was the worst of Anna and me together, but for some reason I think it is really cute.

That is a real sword. AND a real...stick.

What a cute group they made! We had fun with our friends Isaiah and Jaiyden. We went trick-or-treating for over two hours, and this was our first year with no stroller or wagon for a backup. We've never gone to that many houses before! We were all QUITE tired today!

Anna told me she didn't want to be another princess this year. She deliberated for about a month before choosing SuperGirl. I think she got it just right!

Daddy and Jonathan. My favorite part of Halloween was getting to apply eyeliner to Dave. I kept trying to even it out, and he wound up with racoon eyes. He was fierce!

Ready to go already.

Lots of candy, lots of friends, lots of fun... a great Halloween. :)