Sad

Today my Mom and my stepdad Ed got some bad news. I don't really know any details yet, but Ed's prostate cancer has apparently spread into his bones. There was some mix-up at the hospital and neither Ed or his family were informed about the results of his bone scan back at the end of May. Even worse, his oncologist did not know, never got the report, or whatever. So the plan was to start chemo soon after doing some more sophisticated scans this week. But now I don't know what the treatment plan will be. I guess we will know more when they can get in touch with the oncologist. What a bad mistake to make, on the hospital doctor's part. Ed has been really ill and weak and tired this whole summer. I feel so sad for him and for my Mom.

I was crying this afternoon, and the kids obviously noticed. I told them I was just sad, because Poppa Ed was really sick. Jonathan looked me straight in the eyes and said, Is he going to die?
I was pretty baffled on how to respond. I was honest as I could be, saying well, yes, eventually, someday, he would. Jonathan said, yeah, people get sick and they die and go to heaven to be with God. God's never sick. He then told me that he wanted to go to heaven, too, so he could still see Poppa. At some point in this conversation, I wrapped him up in a fierce hug. He said, in a quavering voice, Don't worry, Mama. I can still build Legos and stuff with you and Daddy.

That's something that Ed always helps him with. It just about broke my heart, the way he said it, like he was trying to be brave for me. I had no idea he understood any of this at all.
Then Anna got really upset and pale and came over to me and said, But you're sick, too, Mama.
I had to explain that I was a different kind of sick, not like Poppa. I had no idea her little 2 year old brain could make this connection.
This whole day has been so sad. I don't really know what to do to help them.